3 medicos playing a round of golf. After the 1st hole the proctologist pulls out the scorecard and his pen, and finds a rectal thermometer instead.
"Oh sh--t, some asshole has my pen !"
"Oh sh--t, some asshole has my pen !"
Silly Jokes
- Thread starter WVOldFart
- Start date
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Once upon a time, there was a snail who loved fast cars. So he bought himself a brand new Porsche, and painted a big black "S" on each door. One day, while driving down the freeway at 120 mph, he was spotted by a state trooper who said to his partner, "Wow, look at that S-car go!"
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I wanna die peacefully in my sleep just like grandpa did. Not awake and screaming like everybody else in his car.
If Abraham Lincoln was alive today, what would he be known for?
His age.
His age.
If he were alive today he would probably be trying to get out of his coffin...
Whats the difference between a northern fairy tale and a Southern fairy tale? A northern fairy tale begins with Once Upon a Time. A southern fairy tale begins with Ya'll ain't gonna believe this shit.
I have the world’s worst thesaurus. Not only is it terrible, it’s also terrible.
I have an EpiPen. My friend gave it to me as he was dying. Seemed real important to him that I have it.
My roommate is starting to say that our house is haunted. I don’t know what he’s talking about. I’ve lived here for 300 years and I’ve never noticed anything.
Every time I am in an airport, I walk up to the information desk and ask them how many airports there are in the world.
Why does every Norwegian ship have a barcode?
So that when they come into port they can Scandinavian
So that when they come into port they can Scandinavian
Newbie at fishing has absolutely no luck so decides to take a break and check the others fishing nearby.
Comes to a person with a good haul.
So he asks "Sir, can you tell me what bait you're using ?"
"Why sure. No mystery - I own a chicken shop and use the discarded bits. Works all the time"
Walks on and comes across someone with an even bigger haul.
"Sir, may I ask the reason for your success ?"
Why, of course. I'm a surgeon and find that appendices I remove must look like big juicy worms to the fish !"
He continues on and comes to someone not only pulling them out of the water, but these are great big whoppers.
"Sir, pray tell the secret to your success ? "
"Well son, I'm a rabbi .......... ! "
Comes to a person with a good haul.
So he asks "Sir, can you tell me what bait you're using ?"
"Why sure. No mystery - I own a chicken shop and use the discarded bits. Works all the time"
Walks on and comes across someone with an even bigger haul.
"Sir, may I ask the reason for your success ?"
Why, of course. I'm a surgeon and find that appendices I remove must look like big juicy worms to the fish !"
He continues on and comes to someone not only pulling them out of the water, but these are great big whoppers.
"Sir, pray tell the secret to your success ? "
"Well son, I'm a rabbi .......... ! "
Just gonna go ahead and confess. I’m stealing a lot of your jokes. And I’m taking credit when people laugh. And I prayed about it, and I don’t even feel bad.
I think it is in the First Chapter of Floyd in the Bible that you won't fry in Hell for stealing a joke. Boy, am I glad for that one.