To a guy who wouldn’t shut up, You must of been vaccinated with a phonograph needle!
Funny And Odd Sayings From Our Elders
- Thread starter Tommy Boy
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I worked with a guy back in the '90's that often said "I'd eat a mile of her shit just to see where it came from" when he saw an attractive woman.
Same guy often said about women, "I don't trust anything that can bleed for a week and still live".
If I had to meet up with him on a job site...I knew I was in for an interesting day.
Same guy often said about women, "I don't trust anything that can bleed for a week and still live".
If I had to meet up with him on a job site...I knew I was in for an interesting day.
'plenty of arthritis'. Used as a way to describe a woman with large breasts.
The reason for this for this is bad arthritis in the hands can cause them to take on the shape of a claw, almost like they're holding an invisible orange.
The person using the saying would hold their 'arthritic claw hands' up to their own chest, fingers pointing towards themselves.
Example:
John: "Have you seen the new secretary in accounting?"
Peter: "No, is she pretty?"
John: "Oh yes mate. Plenty of arthritis as well (makes the arthritic clawed hands gesture).
The reason for this for this is bad arthritis in the hands can cause them to take on the shape of a claw, almost like they're holding an invisible orange.
The person using the saying would hold their 'arthritic claw hands' up to their own chest, fingers pointing towards themselves.
Example:
John: "Have you seen the new secretary in accounting?"
Peter: "No, is she pretty?"
John: "Oh yes mate. Plenty of arthritis as well (makes the arthritic clawed hands gesture).
'If my aunty had bollocks she'd be my uncle.'
Used to show the pointless use of the word 'if'.
Example:
John: "If England's best player hadn't been out injured we'd have won the football match."
Peter: "Yeah well if my aunty had bollocks she'd be my uncle."
Used to show the pointless use of the word 'if'.
Example:
John: "If England's best player hadn't been out injured we'd have won the football match."
Peter: "Yeah well if my aunty had bollocks she'd be my uncle."
Another variation on that one:
"Balls," said the queen, "If I had them, I'd be King!"
If at first you don't succeed, go downtown and hire a professional.
TANJ -- for "There Ain't No Justice"
TANSTAAFL -- for "There Ain't No Such Thing As A Free Lunch"
"Balls," said the queen, "If I had them, I'd be King!"
If at first you don't succeed, go downtown and hire a professional.
TANJ -- for "There Ain't No Justice"
TANSTAAFL -- for "There Ain't No Such Thing As A Free Lunch"
My dad, when he was mad at someone: "I ought to slap him silly!"
My father-in-law, same circumstance: "I'll dot his eye for him!" (Also used by Steve McQueen in "Wanted Dead or Alive")
Father-in-law, expressing disdain for someone: "I wouldn't piss on him if he were on fire!", and my personal favorite: "He ain't worth the powder and shot it'd take to blow him up!"
My father-in-law, same circumstance: "I'll dot his eye for him!" (Also used by Steve McQueen in "Wanted Dead or Alive")
Father-in-law, expressing disdain for someone: "I wouldn't piss on him if he were on fire!", and my personal favorite: "He ain't worth the powder and shot it'd take to blow him up!"
My father: "You're breeding a scab on the end of your nose"
"If it was easy everyone would be doing it"
An old wood carver: "I just carve everything away that doesn't look like what I want..."
About a well endowed woman: "She has lots of personality - both of them" or "Nice set of lungs"
"He can't tell shit from Shinola"
"If it was easy everyone would be doing it"
An old wood carver: "I just carve everything away that doesn't look like what I want..."
About a well endowed woman: "She has lots of personality - both of them" or "Nice set of lungs"
"He can't tell shit from Shinola"
So angry I could eat nails and shit tacks...
Often used by physicists to denote the law of conservation of mass and energy.
"I look like the wreck of the Hesperus"... something my mother once said when she was having a bad hair day.
She had a face that could sink a thousand ships.
A friend of mine related to me a story a couple of years ago about when his son, daughter in law and their young children were travelling from Gloucestershire to Cornwall to visit him and his wife.
As they entered Cornwall the young children spied the many (many more now!) wind turbines and asked daddy what they were. He is alleged to have told them they were huge fans to make sure Cornwall had the winds for which the region is renowned for!
Regards,
Jay.?
As they entered Cornwall the young children spied the many (many more now!) wind turbines and asked daddy what they were. He is alleged to have told them they were huge fans to make sure Cornwall had the winds for which the region is renowned for!
Regards,
Jay.?
Thought of another Grandpa saying. This is harder then selling shaving soap to the Amish.
This doesn't qualify as a weird saying but I heard it more than once from my father, " What the Hell is the matter with you?"
I have a friend that is a WW2 vet. and he uses these phrases sometimes.
Well, that is really FUBAR'ed F**cked Up Beyond Repair.
SNAFU, Situation Normal: All F**cked Up.
Or I will ask him how his day is going and he would reply, SSDD!
after I while I asked so what does SSDD mean? he said,
Same S**it Different Day!
Does any one else have other Military Terms you use to describe situations?
Well, that is really FUBAR'ed F**cked Up Beyond Repair.
SNAFU, Situation Normal: All F**cked Up.
Or I will ask him how his day is going and he would reply, SSDD!
after I while I asked so what does SSDD mean? he said,
Same S**it Different Day!
Does any one else have other Military Terms you use to describe situations?
If brains were dynamite he doesn't have enough to blow his nose.
A pregnant woman "swallowed a watermelon seed"
How's the food? "It'll make a turd,,,"
"If frogs had wings - they wouldn't bump their butts when they hopped"
Her face could - stop a clock / break a mirror.
Not the brightest bulb in the box
Not the - sharpest marble in the bag / tool in the shop
He's so ugly you'd have to tie a pork chop around his neck to get a dog to play with him
She'd be looking for her pencil with a tampon behind her ear.
Knee walking, lip dragging. commode hugging drunk
Rode hard and put away wet
Couple of bricks short of a load
If my dog was that ugly, I'd shave it's butt and train it to walk backwards
A pregnant woman "swallowed a watermelon seed"
How's the food? "It'll make a turd,,,"
"If frogs had wings - they wouldn't bump their butts when they hopped"
Her face could - stop a clock / break a mirror.
Not the brightest bulb in the box
Not the - sharpest marble in the bag / tool in the shop
He's so ugly you'd have to tie a pork chop around his neck to get a dog to play with him
She'd be looking for her pencil with a tampon behind her ear.
Knee walking, lip dragging. commode hugging drunk
Rode hard and put away wet
Couple of bricks short of a load
If my dog was that ugly, I'd shave it's butt and train it to walk backwards
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