Funny And Odd Sayings From Our Elders

[mawnansmiff]

As children, myself and my four sisters were warned never to swallow any fruit pips else we'd have an orange tree, apple tree or grapevine grow out of our ears!

Also, when I was about 6 and on holiday, I remember looking up at the sky and asking my father what clouds were made of. Quick as a shot he said "clouds are made of cottonwool" and perhaps anticipating my next question he said " you know the cottonwool your mother buys for your baby sister, well that is the cottonwool that got caught on aeroplane propellers when flying through the clouds and when said aeroplanes land it is plucked off, bagged up and sold in Boots chemist".

For years I believed that ?

Regards,

Jay.?

 

[mawnansmiff]

"Sleep tight don't let the bed bugs bite!

I should look up the origin of some of these some of them are quite strange sounding today."

Jeffro, the origins of 'sleep tight' refers to the time before regular mattresses and bed frames came into being and one had ropes strung across the bed to support basic straw mattresses. These ropes needed to be regularly tightened to prevent sagging. Hence, "sleep tight"!

Regards,

Jay.?

 

[Tommy Boy]

My wife's dad use to say you can't make a race horse out of a jack donkey.

 

[Papamique]

“Well bust my britches and call me shorty” - a statement made out of surprise.

 

[captainsousie]

One my mom used to say when somebody got their idea shot down or said something that got a bad response was "That went over like a fart in church." Another one for an idea like that was "That went over like a lead balloon."

She doesn't use many of them anymore. Not sure why. I'll post more when I remember them.

 

[captainsousie]

One of my friends favorites was "You can't polish a turd."

 

[mau1]

My Dad sometimes started a phrase with "By, golly,..."

 

[Elric]

Permutations on a few already mentioned:

Great activity with little productivity: "A fart in a whirlwind"
Two monkey having a conjugal visit with a football
Dumb as a bag of doorknobs
My drill sergeant: "That's two mistakes; you thought and you thought wrong!"
An impossible task: "Picking up a turd by the clean end"
Hitting every branch while falling out of the ugly tree
That's as dumb as a football stick!

 

[mawnansmiff]

There was an old saying in Sheffield that went "It's looking a bit black over Bill's mother's" which translated somehow into "it looks like it might rain"!

Regards,

Jay.

 

[skydog]

Two from my dad:

When I was nursing a hangover - "Too much night air?"

Someone who looks hungover or sickly - "They look like Death eating a mayonnaise sandwich"

And it's been mentioned already in this thread but "ugly as homemade sin" is another one of my favorites that I've heard from numerous relatives.

 

[mawnansmiff]

My old mate Rodney used to refer to someone who had drunk too much as being "as pissed as a hat rack"!

My late brother in law often said "mad as a bag of snakes" for someone who was quite bonkers and my father would refer to a mean person as "he wouldn't give you the skin off a grape" though I've heard it elsewhere as "he wouldn't give you the snot off his nose".

Regards,

Jay.?

 

[shanez]

Another one (which I just caught myself using):

"Useless as tits on a boar."

 

[jpmcwjr]

Sounds dirty, but its not as I've heard my grandmother say it.

"Tighter than dick's hat band"

I have searched for the origin on this one with no luck.

Could it have been "...a dick's...." ? That'd make sense to me, as dick was jargon for private eye or non-uniformed type, often wearing a small fedora.

 

[jpmcwjr]

Jeff-

Everyone of those sayings I have heard, and even use many today except "Oh My Stars And Garters!". But then I may belong to a generation or two removed from you. Great list!

 

[shanez]

Two more:

"Busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest."
"Happier than a puppy with two peckers."

 

[mso489]

It may have been his own coinage, but my dad used to say, "Between thee and me." Meaning, just between us. He discovered Shakespeare for himself at the Chicago World's Fair in the 1930's, so that may have been from that style of language. He was a business man commuting to Chicago, and later had a second career running a computer lab at a nearby community college, and was always a raconteur. Always highly expressive and a good teacher. When, as a child, I had a question, he had a full answer ready to go, from internal combustion to sales psychology.

 

[tbradsim1]

My Dad used to say I’ve been diddling so long with a soft one I could push a wheelbarrow with a rope.

 

[mawnansmiff]

"You can put lipstick on a pig, but it's still a pig"

"Mutton dressed as lamb" for an older woman dressed as a younger woman.

Regards,

Jay.?

 

[Elric]

Forgot, "Cold as a well digger's ankles"

 

[jpmcwjr]

Does the brown bear shit in the woods?
Is the Pope Polish? (rather old and date-specific)
No shit, Sherlock!
Colder than the balls on a brass monkey.