Views from Older Gents on Sex, Love, and Relationships in the 21st Century
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Well, we could start with the fact that you decided to ask a bunch of strangers on a virtual forum for life advice, or that you assumed that age brings wisdom. hooooboy...
Age does offer a few of us some perspective. Wisdom? Seriously?
So here goes, because it's easy for me to give advice. It's easy for anyone to give advice. Doesn't mean the advice is worth anything.
Why do people belittle you for not being married? Is it belittlement, or does it just feel that way? Do you have unrealistic expectations of yourself that you don't live up to which result in low self esteem? Besides, what business is it of theirs? Why care?
Marriages can be wonderful, but most of them are not. Happy marriages are in the minority and many people stay married for financial reasons. Divorce is expensive. You might be dodging a bullet. Other people might be trying to persuade you to get married so that you will be as miserable as they are. Tell them to stuff it.
Still want more sage wisdom from a virtual stranger? Read on.
I've been married twice. You might think that once would be enough of a lesson, but I'm a romantical sort of cynic, so I tried it again. BTW, I'm still very good friends with both wives, and I can count on either of them in an emergency as they can me. But the experience taught me that marriage isn't for me, and if the stats are true, it isn't for most people. Half the country admits to cheating on the other half. My ex's and I all get along MUCH better separated than we did married. We like our space.
Advice on what kind of a woman to look for is completely and utterly useless. Only you can figure it out through experience. Attraction is different for everyone.
Personally, I'm attracted to intelligence and wit over looks. It's not that looks don't matter at all, but their importance diminishes quickly when not accompanied by a mind. Other people are into body parts.
I suppose that honesty is the best policy. If you are one of the few that actually believes in it, honesty tends to inhibit you from engaging in activities that you're ashamed to admit to. Or it offers you tremendous freedom by being honest and open about your "quirks". If you like to strip naked and dance around a mulberry bush at midnight during a full moon and are open about it, the chances are you'll eliminate incompatible candidates and find kindred spirits more easily.
Years ago I tried online dating. I decided to be honest about my inner gonzo. No bullshit about moonlit walks on the beach, or any of that. So I wrote a very frank portrait of myself, posted it, and forgot about it. The response was unbelievable. Women were contacting me about being so honest and they wanted to meet me. The dates were fun, even when we both realized that it was a one timer. And one turned into a relationship that went for 6 years. We're still friends.
I think it worked so well because I just relaxed and went with it, rather than trying. What was it Yoda said, "There is no try!".
Still looking for insights from a virtual codger? I just quoted a rod puppet.
Sex can be great fun. I've enjoyed literally bed breaking, furniture toppling, neighbors pounding on the walls sex and enjoyed every bit of it. And I've enjoyed very quiet sweet and tender sex. Nothing wrong with it as long as both parties, or all parties if that's your thing, enjoy it.
TMI? Don't ask questions like this.
It's tough to meet people in the middle of a pandemic, so your options may be limited for the foreseeable future, or you may find creative ways to meet people while practicing social distancing. Or you may decide a roll in the hay is worth the risk to you and others in contact with you. It's all up to you.
Two more things from the virtual codger.
No relationship has a ghost of a chance for long term happiness if you're not friends first and foremost.
The importance of liking your partner is often underappreciated.
So, that's it. If you have any questions regarding Barlings I'm happy to help.
There is one thing I can guarantee you with (almost) absolute certainty. This forum will bring you neither sex nor love. The pipe shows however, I have heard get CRAZY after hours.
I'm in my 50s now and never been married. I've had my ups and downs with relationships for sure. Was engaged in my early 20s and bailed on the relationship after 4 years because I couldn't see myself married to that particular woman even though I loved her. I think I stayed with her as long as I did because the sex was a powerful inducement to stick around. But as others may have mentioned, you can't base a long term relationship solely on that. Good sex isn't reason enough, nor is love reason enough. You really have to enjoy the person's company. A lot!!
If you fight all the time, bail. If she drives you crazy, bail. If you drive her crazy, bail. If she cheated on you, bail and on and on and on. You don't need any of those headaches. And neither does she.
I then spent the next 15 years tom catting around, i.e. the casual sex phase of my life. I didn't intend it to be, but as you said a man has needs. There were some I was head over heels in love with, but that was not reciprocated and vice versa where someone would totally love me and I was not feeling it. It happens.
If you find yourself in this phase of life, let me introduce you to the concept of refresh rate. Move somewhere with lots of single women. A small city will do with lots of young professionals or recent college grads. And then just be yourself. Talk to as many women as will talk to you. Something will develop. Could be good, could be bad. Keep at it.
Imagine refresh rate as the tide coming in and going back out. Every cycle brings new opportunities and washes away the stench of your previous failures. You will fail a lot. But you don't want one bad relationship poisoning future opportunity. Women talk and they're not always honest and can sometimes be vindictive. It's hard to judge ahead of time exactly what your getting yourself into. Dating can be a nightmare, but that's no reason to settle for less.
Small towns have no refresh rate. One bad relationship can just screw everything up. But cities give you more than a fighting chance to experience success to go along with failure and no one cares about your failures in a city. Everybody is in the same boat after all. Again just be yourself. Know who you are and enjoy who you are. Don't feel down in the dumps, don't let all your friends getting married and having kids while your single get you down in the dumps. Their relationship has nothing to do with you. Keep growing as a human being, have as much fun as you can etc. etc. Enjoy life.
At 40 I found the woman I've been with for the last 13 years. We're happy. We don't fight. We enjoy each others company and we are each others' best friends. There's trust and understanding. Good humor and genuine respect. We've spent almost every hour of this pandemic together for going on 5 months and we're still not sick of each other. That would simply not be the case were I with anyone else.
As far as all my friends who got married early and had kids and such by the time they were 30. They're all long divorced and on their second or third marriages or dead. Well, there are a few exceptions to that. I do have friends who were high school sweethearts who are still together and seemingly happy as ever after almost 40 years. That don't happen too often. After all life ain't a storybook. Anyway, you'll figure it out. We all do. Or die trying.
How's that for a rant? Good luck pal.
If you fight all the time, bail. If she drives you crazy, bail. If you drive her crazy, bail. If she cheated on you, bail and on and on and on. You don't need any of those headaches. And neither does she.
I then spent the next 15 years tom catting around, i.e. the casual sex phase of my life. I didn't intend it to be, but as you said a man has needs. There were some I was head over heels in love with, but that was not reciprocated and vice versa where someone would totally love me and I was not feeling it. It happens.
If you find yourself in this phase of life, let me introduce you to the concept of refresh rate. Move somewhere with lots of single women. A small city will do with lots of young professionals or recent college grads. And then just be yourself. Talk to as many women as will talk to you. Something will develop. Could be good, could be bad. Keep at it.
Imagine refresh rate as the tide coming in and going back out. Every cycle brings new opportunities and washes away the stench of your previous failures. You will fail a lot. But you don't want one bad relationship poisoning future opportunity. Women talk and they're not always honest and can sometimes be vindictive. It's hard to judge ahead of time exactly what your getting yourself into. Dating can be a nightmare, but that's no reason to settle for less.
Small towns have no refresh rate. One bad relationship can just screw everything up. But cities give you more than a fighting chance to experience success to go along with failure and no one cares about your failures in a city. Everybody is in the same boat after all. Again just be yourself. Know who you are and enjoy who you are. Don't feel down in the dumps, don't let all your friends getting married and having kids while your single get you down in the dumps. Their relationship has nothing to do with you. Keep growing as a human being, have as much fun as you can etc. etc. Enjoy life.
At 40 I found the woman I've been with for the last 13 years. We're happy. We don't fight. We enjoy each others company and we are each others' best friends. There's trust and understanding. Good humor and genuine respect. We've spent almost every hour of this pandemic together for going on 5 months and we're still not sick of each other. That would simply not be the case were I with anyone else.
As far as all my friends who got married early and had kids and such by the time they were 30. They're all long divorced and on their second or third marriages or dead. Well, there are a few exceptions to that. I do have friends who were high school sweethearts who are still together and seemingly happy as ever after almost 40 years. That don't happen too often. After all life ain't a storybook. Anyway, you'll figure it out. We all do. Or die trying.
How's that for a rant? Good luck pal.
1) nice face
2)personality
3)great tits
4)sense of humor
5)sanity
6)money
7)fabulous sex
You're highly unlikely to find all in one. Personally, I'd prioritize 4 and 5. Most of all, just simply, do you like them. That sounds obvious, but you have to spend enough time to make sure, because 1, 3, 6, and 7 might fade.
Having dated four score and seven, or theresabouts, women in my time, I could go on, but you've doubtless had more than enough commentary at this point.
2)personality
3)great tits
4)sense of humor
5)sanity
6)money
7)fabulous sex
You're highly unlikely to find all in one. Personally, I'd prioritize 4 and 5. Most of all, just simply, do you like them. That sounds obvious, but you have to spend enough time to make sure, because 1, 3, 6, and 7 might fade.
Having dated four score and seven, or theresabouts, women in my time, I could go on, but you've doubtless had more than enough commentary at this point.
Always remember that love is blind but lust can at least distinguish shapes!
Find someone who is able to be your best friend life gets busy and hard and if you do not have your best friend and soul mate it will get worse sex is only a small part of a true love so work on the friendship first the sex will come natural if it’s true love
Perfect. ^^^^
And I strongly agree on foreign women over North American women as well. 99% of American women will run a good man into the ground.
Nobody knows, but Steve (pipestud) came up aces with that lovely lady.Great picture! How’d you end up with her you lucky dog you!
My late Father gave me some advice when I turned 21 which went something like this......
"If you are going to marry the girl examine the Mother first since that is what you will have have in 20 years time. Secondly makes sure she is intelligent since when the looks fade you will have something interesting to talk to about something or other. Finally do not get married young. Up to forty sex is free. After forty you either pay for it or tell a good story and remember masturbation is cheaper than the property settlement in a divorce".
My Father was a wise but very cynical man!
"If you are going to marry the girl examine the Mother first since that is what you will have have in 20 years time. Secondly makes sure she is intelligent since when the looks fade you will have something interesting to talk to about something or other. Finally do not get married young. Up to forty sex is free. After forty you either pay for it or tell a good story and remember masturbation is cheaper than the property settlement in a divorce".
My Father was a wise but very cynical man!
A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money.
The first does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money, and then he married the one with the biggest tits.
The first does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money, and then he married the one with the biggest tits.
I've seen this - I though it was interesting when I first saw it - you and me brother must be on the same wavelength
Something I learned in later life, and wish I'd thought about years ago when the hormones were raging was one needs to think about what one can bring to a relationship and not so much of what can one get out of a relationship.
Sadly this fact oftentimes comes too late for many folks. Myself, I have given all I ever had over the years and have nothing left in reserve, but I'm quite reconciled to that fact and am a reasonably happy bachelor. Though I never married I have two lovely daughters (separate mothers) and five lovely grand daughters.
Regards,
Jay.?
Sadly this fact oftentimes comes too late for many folks. Myself, I have given all I ever had over the years and have nothing left in reserve, but I'm quite reconciled to that fact and am a reasonably happy bachelor. Though I never married I have two lovely daughters (separate mothers) and five lovely grand daughters.
Regards,
Jay.?
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