Funkenhouser's House of Kittens

[Richmond B. Funkenhouser]

She’s probably sick did you take her to the vet? JC man

The cat ain't sick.. she shit like a labrador. I can see me now, "Hey Vet, my cats a hateful asshole"... he'll say, "thanks for the 150 bucks, sorry for your bad luck". She's nice and comfortable on the porch and she should count herself lucky.. if any other creature shits in my son's bed, on purpose mind you, I would kill that creature with the nearest thing.

 

[cosmicfolklore]

From: How to cook a cat with your coffee maker | Coffee Machine Cuisine - http://coffeemachinecuisine.com/cook-cat-coffee-maker/​

How to cook a cat with your coffee maker​

After I posted this on the Swedish version of Coffee Machine Cuisine people got very upset. Some of the things they called me was idiot, cannibal (?) and they even said that I’m the reason for the low status that cats got in this society. I don’t get why people are so upset?! It’s no worse than eating a cow, pig or a chicken if you ask me. And hunting must be the most humane way to kill animals for food.
It all took place on a warm and sunny day when me and Dan were out at our cabin with all of our cats. Since we got so many cats I figured that I could shoot one of them so I released them into the woods and began the hunt. First I thought that the fat one, Gucci, would be an easy shot but she managed to escape surprisingly quickly. It was the sun that eventually was Iggy’s downfall. She is quite photophobic you see so she could hardly see where she was going. And BAM, easy shot for me.

R.I.P. my little sweetheart.

Time​

• 5 hours

Ingredients​

• 1 cat
• ½ red onion
• 1 pimiento
• 1 clove of garlic
• 2 ½ dl coconut milk
• 2 ½ dl cream
• 2 tbsp meat extract
• Juice of lime
• Ginger
• Butter

Instructions​

Skin, fillet and chop the kitty cat. Start your coffee maker, grease the heater and place the pieces of your cat onto it. Fry it until they are cooked throughly and tender, it will take about an hour (it depends on what cut of meat you’re using and how fresh it is). Remove the meat and wipe the heater.
Chop all of the remaining ingredients that shall be chopped. Put a dollop of butter into the carafe, let it melt and then put the onion and the garlic in the carafe and fry it for about half an hour. Season with ginger. Add coconut milk, cream and meat extract and let it cook for two hours – it should get really warm. After that add the cat meat and wait a bit longer. Finally add pimiento pieces, lime juice and season generously with freshly ground black pepper and just a little salt. Turn off your coffee maker.
The best way to serve this delicious cat stew is accompanied by a glass of a tasty red wine and freshly baked bread.

Dan was a little bit upset because Iggy was his favorite cat. But he’s over it now.

How to cook a cat with your coffee maker.


Wipe the heater after the cat frying.

Take nice photos of the ingredients for your blog post.

Add lime juice.


Dan took this photo just before I shot her. Look at the panicked eyes. Haha!

Photo: Dan Sörensen.​

No cats were harmed in the making of this recipe (one died though).
Oh, and check out the date for this post…

 

[Richmond B. Funkenhouser]

From: How to cook a cat with your coffee maker | Coffee Machine Cuisine - http://coffeemachinecuisine.com/cook-cat-coffee-maker/​

How to cook a cat with your coffee maker​

After I posted this on the Swedish version of Coffee Machine Cuisine people got very upset. Some of the things they called me was idiot, cannibal (?) and they even said that I’m the reason for the low status that cats got in this society. I don’t get why people are so upset?! It’s no worse than eating a cow, pig or a chicken if you ask me. And hunting must be the most humane way to kill animals for food.
It all took place on a warm and sunny day when me and Dan were out at our cabin with all of our cats. Since we got so many cats I figured that I could shoot one of them so I released them into the woods and began the hunt. First I thought that the fat one, Gucci, would be an easy shot but she managed to escape surprisingly quickly. It was the sun that eventually was Iggy’s downfall. She is quite photophobic you see so she could hardly see where she was going. And BAM, easy shot for me.
View attachment 74098
R.I.P. my little sweetheart.

Time​

• 5 hours

Ingredients​

• 1 cat
• ½ red onion
• 1 pimiento
• 1 clove of garlic
• 2 ½ dl coconut milk
• 2 ½ dl cream
• 2 tbsp meat extract
• Juice of lime
• Ginger
• Butter

Instructions​

Skin, fillet and chop the kitty cat. Start your coffee maker, grease the heater and place the pieces of your cat onto it. Fry it until they are cooked throughly and tender, it will take about an hour (it depends on what cut of meat you’re using and how fresh it is). Remove the meat and wipe the heater.
Chop all of the remaining ingredients that shall be chopped. Put a dollop of butter into the carafe, let it melt and then put the onion and the garlic in the carafe and fry it for about half an hour. Season with ginger. Add coconut milk, cream and meat extract and let it cook for two hours – it should get really warm. After that add the cat meat and wait a bit longer. Finally add pimiento pieces, lime juice and season generously with freshly ground black pepper and just a little salt. Turn off your coffee maker.
The best way to serve this delicious cat stew is accompanied by a glass of a tasty red wine and freshly baked bread.
View attachment 74101
Dan was a little bit upset because Iggy was his favorite cat. But he’s over it now.
View attachment 74102
How to cook a cat with your coffee maker.

View attachment 74103
Wipe the heater after the cat frying.
View attachment 74104
Take nice photos of the ingredients for your blog post.
View attachment 74105
Add lime juice.

View attachment 74106
Dan took this photo just before I shot her. Look at the panicked eyes. Haha!

Photo: Dan Sörensen.​

No cats were harmed in the making of this recipe (one died though).
Oh, and check out the date for this post…

O boy, that's gruesome. I know some people are certainly triggered now, I think that's what the kids call it.

 

[cosmicfolklore]

O boy, that's gruesome. I know some people are certainly triggered now, I think that's what the kids call it.

I like how she left out all of the details for steps that actually require more step by step info, like skinning and butchering the cat, but yet she shows how to clean the coffee maker after cooking.

 

[Richmond B. Funkenhouser]

That's the nasty one right there.. look at the little chunks of cat meat simmering.

 

[cosmicfolklore]

View attachment 74111

That's the nasty one right there.. look at the little chunks of cat meat simmering.

I've never actually eaten cat (that I know of). I was thinking that it'd have too much MSG for my liking, and I'm not the biggest fan of Chinese food. But, i could see it like a chicken salad or something, maybe on toast.
Cat threads always make me hungry.

 

[Old School 3319]

When I was driving a truck years ago I made a run to Laredo and a roach coach came by with mexican BBQ. The chicken legs were very questionable and I didnt see any cats around so maybe I did

 

[Richmond B. Funkenhouser]

When I was driving a truck years ago I made a run to Laredo and a roach coach came by with mexican BBQ. The chicken legs were very questionable and I didnt see any cats around so maybe I did

Its possible.. some restaurants have been caught doing bad shit.

Years ago I ate at a chinese buffet in Atlanta... It was run by Mexicans. They didn't even have the food on hot plates. They just had the food laid out like Thanksgiving dinner.. some of it was cold. My friend and I got sick afterward.. We were on the way to get on a plane too. That's what made the whole thing so interesting.. Food poison on vacation.

That was back in the days of TomTom.. the GPS picked that weird place for us. I've always suspected that I ate something unconventional that day.

 

[cosmicfolklore]

I have an irrational fear of buffets, potlucks dinners, clowns, and Sutliff tobaccos. I just don't do any of those.

I don't understand the cat/foreign food thing. Cats have got to cost more than a chicken.
We did have a local Chinese restaurant make the news for getting caught skinning a rabbit out behind their restaurant. It was all over the papers, but in the picture, they were doing it correctly (I have skinned many a rabbit), the problem was that they were cooking their own dinner in the restaurant. A minor technicality. They even quoted them saying that they weren't serving rabbits to customers, it was a way more expensive meat than chicken. But, low and behold the political warriors that make posts on every news article posted some horrible stuff. I have said this on another thread, but I have no respect for people who make every news post a evidence of their political manifesto.

 

[Richmond B. Funkenhouser]

I have an irrational fear of buffets, potlucks dinners, clowns, and Sutliff tobaccos. I just don't do any of those.

I don't understand the cat/foreign food thing. Cats have got to cost more than a chicken.
We did have a local Chinese restaurant make the news for getting caught skinning a rabbit out behind their restaurant. It was all over the papers, but in the picture, they were doing it correctly (I have skinned many a rabbit), the problem was that they were cooking their own dinner in the restaurant. A minor technicality. They even quoted them saying that they weren't serving rabbits to customers, it was a way more expensive meat than chicken. But, low and behold the political warriors that make posts on every news article posted some horrible stuff. I have said this on another thread, but I have no respect for people who make every news post a evidence of their political manifesto.

Hey man, foreigners eat other foods.. I'm not saying it's wrong. I'm just saying it's more likely that you might eat some strange meat at a foreign run restaurant.

For what it's worth Chinese restaurants were one of my favorite hobbies before the thing ruined them..

You gotta stop reading those comment sections... Those are the urinals of society. haha

 

[Richmond B. Funkenhouser]

Cats are the most plentiful meat around.. have you ever been out walking around down town?

 

[cosmicfolklore]

Hey man, foreigners eat other foods.. I'm not saying it's wrong. I'm just saying it's more likely that you might eat some strange meat at a foreign run restaurant.

For what it's worth Chinese restaurants were one of my favorite hobbies before the thing ruined them..

Of course foreigners eat things weird to us. Heck, I eat weird things weird to us. Ha ha. I just meant people that make everything political.

My problem with Chinese restaurants is that they all start off actually cooking the dishes from scratch and making tasty foods. Mrs Cosmic and I have actually timed how long it takes... 3 months! A Chinese restaurant can only make good food for three months, and then everything is straight out of a can or frozen. I don't know why this is, probably simple math. It costs more to keep a good cook, and cans of Chinese swill is cheaper than buying fresh ingredients. All it takes is one time of serving me something out of a can or frozen, and I never step foot back in there again. Mexican places are the exact same.

I'm sick of Chinese and Mexican foods. I hate them now. I wish someone would open some nice other foreign food places, and keep it fresh. I am always willing to pay way more for really good foods, and I hate how these places pander to the poorest people in the community by trying to give us nasty ass food on the cheap. Just a few high dollar grills, maybe Chilean or Guatemalan foods or something. And, actually pay their cooks to keep them happy and making tasty stuff.

 

[danimalia]

Damn, I know I got to PAY, PAY, PAY for the privilege, but I am glad I live in the Bay Area. Amazing Chinese food of just about any style or region. Same with Mexican food. And Thai, Vietnamese, Malaysian, Burmese, Korean, Japanese, etc. You know, as long as you're cool with spending $30 on lunch every day ?

 

[mso489]

Oh dear. Ginger and her pooping protest to moving her during her kitten bearing time has caused a spate of cat pogrom posts. Between teenage boy serial killers in training, owls, automobiles, and exotic cuisine, cats have a difficult sometimes short life. Mostly, I like 'em a lot, certainly the ones in my family present and past. An all-black neighbor cat spotted me through the kitchen door today. She's been pretty furtive, studying me from a distance before skittering off. Today we had long eye contact. I did the double eye blink gesture, basically announcing that I was relaxed and not stalking her, in cat body language. She did not return the signal, but did look a long time. Cats are not especially dependable, not like some dogs, but both are considerably more dependable than homo sapiens by many miles, alas.

 

[BarrelProof]

I don’t know what it is about cats, but they always single me out and attack me.

I don’t think I’ve ever been around a cat that wasn’t more interested in carving off my face than it was in me petting it.

I tend to agree with my dad. This household will raise no animals that require training to shit inside, and, in order to show gratitude for that training and a lifetime of feeding and caring for them, they’ll return the favor by eating you after you die.

No disdain for those who do, mind you; but they’re just not my cup of tea. If I had a larger property, I may keep a couple around for rodent control. However, it’d be like the two we had in a bachelor pad circa 2005. Dump a 40lb bag of meow mix in the field once a month and let them do their thing, otherwise.

 

[cosmicfolklore]

My cat, Henry, is totally cool. I can whack him off the end of the couch, and call him, and he will come running. He has no sense of revenge or vindictiveness. He doesn't even meow, he chirps like he is trying to bark, and runs with our dogs. The only time he gets upset is if I close him out of the bedroom when I go to sleep. He howls like a coyote till I open the damned door.

In other words, if he was more like a cat, I probably wouldn't tolerate him.

 

[mso489]

Barrelproof, far be it from me to try to encourage you with cats. If they are nasty to you, avoid them for sure. But just for conversation, I think cats sometimes take adversely to the friendly front-on approach you take with dogs, or sometimes with people, where openness is friendliness. Some people who don't care for cats tend to look away when a cat enters the room or comes close. The averted gaze sends the message that you are not hostile and the cat will sometimes jump in the lap of the person who likes them least. A friend who had a cat that avoided all strangers noticed their cat came right up to me when I just sat down on the ground. That gave the cat a chance to come to me, which it did. Cats are obviously much smaller than dogs, so touch should be scaled back, so I touch them pretty gently and usually don't grab or restrain them. Once your attention is optional, many cats warm right up. With any animal -- dog, cat, horse, snake, etc. -- trust is everything, reaching that understanding across species. St. Francis will now go back to his cave. I do like cats; they're interesting critters.

 

[BROBS]

dude all the ignorance as well as racism in this thread is alarming.
our educational system needs help. wow.

 

[mingc]

The cat ain't sick.. she shit like a labrador. I can see me now, "Hey Vet, my cats a hateful asshole"... he'll say, "thanks for the 150 bucks, sorry for your bad luck". She's nice and comfortable on the porch and she should count herself lucky.. if any other creature shits in my son's bed, on purpose mind you, I would kill that creature with the nearest thing.

Weird toilet behavior means an upset cat. That's just how cats are. Cat owners need to know that. If you don't want to deal with it, you should give the cat to someone who does. Please.

 

[BROBS]

Weird toilet behavior means an upset cat. That's just how cats are. Cat owners need to know that. If you don't want to deal with it, you should give the cat to someone who does. Please.

Or sick. Just because a cat doesn’t have diarrhea doesn’t mean it’s not sick. It had kittens it could easily have pyometra.