ATTENTION ALL MALES.....I am in Need of Advice

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Bowie

Part of the Furniture Now
Oct 24, 2019
980
4,352
Minnesota
Only you can decide if it’s just a matter of cold feet or a deeper gut feeling that it is the wrong decision.

You could always postpone and re-evaluate, even if only for a short time. There is some good advice based on experience in this thread.

In my opinion, it is also reasonable to conclude that despite the non-invasiveness of the procedure, despite the convenience it may have in your sex life, despite the good arguments to get a vasectomy, despite all you have read and heard, you still do not want to go through with it.
 

sittingbear

Part of the Furniture Now
Jul 20, 2015
662
3,132
Olympia, WA
I never wanted kids but figured they would be part of the package when I married my wife. Then the doctors told me I couldn't have them. Everything changed. All of a sudden I realized what I'm missing out on, and I've been grieving the loss of my unborn children ever since. I hear you anticipating a similar grief. I wonder if you could say more about what you are anticipating losing?

This is what it's like for me. I recognize it's not the same for everyone. Although we are open to new life, it is being denied us. For a long time I felt like I was living in the world of P.D. James' "Children of Men," and the future took on a darker hue. It has changed the sacred nature of sex. While we can have "worry free" sex all the time, it doesn't involve as much sacrifice or "gift of self." We have considered adoption but it's never worked out (yet). We are choosing to be "fruitful" in other ways, and we are investing ourselves more intentionally in the lives of our nieces and nephews. My brother's children will never have cousins. At the rate we're going, my wife will have less support in her later years than if we had children of our own. It is a painful aspect of my otherwise beautiful life. You are truly blessed with the children you already have.

Take what I say with a grain of salt. I have a bias. I am a Catholic chaplain who finds great wisdom in the Church's teaching, "Humane Vitae" (although I don't recommend applying it carte blanche to every situation). So there's that.
 

mso489

Lifer
Feb 21, 2013
41,210
60,459
Having kids is a part of the vast majority of peoples' plans for their lives, whether a specific visualized intent or an assumed inevitability. However for those who can't have biological children, or who have not been able to participate in the raising of those children, or whose children are grown and not much involved with your life, there is a vast need for nurturing kids in many various ways, directly and personally, or by supporting the community's providing for kids. The need is almost infinite, and even fairly privileged kids gain a lot from having adults who take a responsible interest in them. It's not a substitute for bringing up your own brood, but it is a huge offering. Remember your best teachers, coaches, neighbors who took an interest, aunts, uncles, and adults you admired from a distance? A lot of parenting was done me by people besides my parents, who worked pretty hard at it too.
 
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smokey789

Starting to Get Obsessed
Apr 14, 2020
116
226
61
Western Pennsylvania
What happened? Did you decide for or against? How is everything going. My personal opinion, had I seen this earlier, would have been to suggest you need to speak with you urologist and with a counselor. This fear is in you. Each of us is different and what one can do, does not mean all can do. There is no test of manliness in it. There are good reasons for and against and the decision is solely yours. I believe you cannot make a decision that is this anxiety inducing for you unless you have all the facts and consequences.
 

BROBS

Lifer
Nov 13, 2019
11,765
40,028
IA
@3rdguy I thought this ad was directed towards you!
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