That's me. I still go to the doctor where my wife works. I know many of the nurses. A couple are quite attractive.
ATTENTION ALL MALES.....I am in Need of Advice
- Thread starter gervais
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I guarantee it will go better than the following, which is a review of Veet hair remover...(sorry long post, but worth it lol)
After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly Rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly successful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits. ‘Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus’s birthday as a bit of a treat.
‘I ordered it well in advance and, working in the North Sea, I considered myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types… ‘Oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was. ‘I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom.
Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn’t have long to wait. ‘At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head.
‘Religion hadn’t featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the destruction of the meat and two veg. ‘Struggling to not bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel of in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair. ‘Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen. By this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief.
‘I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, tore the lid off and positioned it under me. The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing soon returned. ‘Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn’t managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the draw for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon. ‘I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open, trying to be quiet as I did so. I took a handful of them and tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse. ‘This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found its way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running its engines behind me.
‘This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain.
‘The only solution my pain-crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before. ‘Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering…’Ooooh, that feels good’. ‘Understandingly this was a shock to her and she let out a scream. As I hadn’t heard her come in it caused an involuntary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction. ‘I can understand that having a sprout farted against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn’t the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn’t improve my status. ‘So to sum it up: Veet removes hair, dignity and self respect…
After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly Rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly successful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits. ‘Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus’s birthday as a bit of a treat.
‘I ordered it well in advance and, working in the North Sea, I considered myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types… ‘Oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was. ‘I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom.
Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn’t have long to wait. ‘At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head.
‘Religion hadn’t featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the destruction of the meat and two veg. ‘Struggling to not bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel of in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair. ‘Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen. By this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief.
‘I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, tore the lid off and positioned it under me. The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing soon returned. ‘Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn’t managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the draw for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon. ‘I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open, trying to be quiet as I did so. I took a handful of them and tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse. ‘This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found its way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running its engines behind me.
‘This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain.
‘The only solution my pain-crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before. ‘Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering…’Ooooh, that feels good’. ‘Understandingly this was a shock to her and she let out a scream. As I hadn’t heard her come in it caused an involuntary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction. ‘I can understand that having a sprout farted against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn’t the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn’t improve my status. ‘So to sum it up: Veet removes hair, dignity and self respect…
I volunteered for the procedure when the wifey and I were talking about it. Turns out it was not necessary as we couldn't have kids anyway. Of course any change brings fear and questions but don't worry about the whole thing as it doesn't cause any change in...manliness...as it were.
This is a question that you alone can answer. No, you're not being ridiculous. I'll say that you won't feel any different physically and for me, it was mentally liberating.
You seem like a "stand up" sort of guy, I'm sure you can handle it. In all seriousness, it was nothing. My two recommendations and I strongly recommend these. Several bags of frozen peas. And don't try to do anything at all for 3 days. By the third day, it probably won't be more than a twinge but there's no reason to risk anything. And when I say do nothing, I mean do nothing. Sit in the recliner, smoke your pipe, read a book, watch TV, whatever.
On a more personal note, I made a deal with the wife in advance that I wasn't going to "handle" the task of emptying the reservoir and getting samples for testing. That was her duty given the tremendous sacrifice I was making. Make sure you get that in writing BTW, those wives can tend to have very convenient memories. And I wish you the very best with the procedure.
I would say that is a device your Parents should have used 21 months before your first birthday. But that would be a bit mean I think. And would purely be in jest.
So many responses, biting tongue, blocking fingers from keyboard.
Just get one snipped and have a toggle switch installed, so you can choose between hot loads and blanks...
?
?
I wouldn't do it, but many people do. Hell, I feel bad about letting them do it to my cat.
Okay, I'll be blatant. The only reason I have kids is because I wanted them. Got bored with sex before I was 16.
Somebody once said, "its like eating a steak through a plastic bag".
*Replace steak with carrot bacon.
Beldar found a use for them.
It’s like trying to read Braille through an army blanket.
There is another time tested method.. It takes a little self control, but it can be mastered... pull out.
Against.
Your choice, of course. Your free will. But since you're asking, it pisses me off and utterly enrages me when some want to throw away X that they have whilst others would almost be willing to die to have X but it's been denied to them one way or another. Decades ago, a guy from the medical school I attended got waylaid by a band of hoodlums and they kicked him in the nuts so hard he lost them: no more children, no more sex, no more virility; guy couldn't stand the loss of a key part of his manhood and killed himself.
A bit of a different situation, some shall say. Still, willful self-mutilation continues to strike me as transcendentally unjust.
Your choice, of course. Your free will. But since you're asking, it pisses me off and utterly enrages me when some want to throw away X that they have whilst others would almost be willing to die to have X but it's been denied to them one way or another. Decades ago, a guy from the medical school I attended got waylaid by a band of hoodlums and they kicked him in the nuts so hard he lost them: no more children, no more sex, no more virility; guy couldn't stand the loss of a key part of his manhood and killed himself.
A bit of a different situation, some shall say. Still, willful self-mutilation continues to strike me as transcendentally unjust.
I think I am sterile by now. I heated up a lot of Hot Pockets in my youth.
Your wife could have a diaphragm put, mine had after our second child, it's been nearly three years without any alarms so I'd say it works well. It's not an irreversible solution, doesn't affect either in any way (birth control pills mess up the womens' cycle and metabolism), it's painless, really don't see anything wrong with it.
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