A Bar Exam for Pipesmokers

[TheWhale13]

Solani 660 is:

A: Also helpfully known as Silver Flake
B: Not quite as good as Solani 661.
C: Tastier after it's been aged five years in the tin.
D: Not worth smoking since the formula was tweaked two months ago, you fool!

No matter the blend, it's always D.

 

[Briar Tuck]

I've been running my mouth under hot tap water and rubbing it out with a coarse paper towel.

I do an alcohol soak.

 

[dunnyboy]

You will join an online pipe community because:

A: You want to learn everything you can about pipe smoking.
B: Your life is too long.
C: You're looking for an argument.
D: You had imaginary friends as a child.
E: Your mileage always varies.

 

[Silvrbdgr]

Do you use phrases such as: "I dare say" or words like "indubitability" or "forthwith"?

 

[AppalachianPipe92]

You're a lucky guy! But how does she feel about jazz and vinyl?

She loves both! She's a fan of just about all of my hobbies and finds something interesting about each one. She even listens to vinyl with me while we play board games and I smoke my pipes. It always makes for a great time.
I cheated and started buying records that she likes to involve her more. Now she asks to throw on Bill Evans or Jim Hall instead. I've done well

 

[Servant King]

When a forum member busts your balls about preferring aromatics, what is the best response?

A) Use the poo emoticon
B) Use the poo emoticon liberally
C) All of the above

 

[The Amish Tyrant]

Do you use phrases such as: "I dare say" or words like "indubitability" or "forthwith"?

Or answer with "affirmative"?

 

[condorlover1]

I think I have run out of stuff to add to this thread!

 

[Laurent]

True or false, pipes are dishwasher safe?

 

[Silvrbdgr]

Do you call children rapscallions? Ruffians? Have you ever chortled or looked bemused?

 

[dunnyboy]

I think I have run out of stuff to add to this thread!

I don't believe you!

 

[burleybreath]

You exit a downtown saloon late at night and almost immediately spot a man across the street lighting what appears to be a tobacco pipe. Your first thought is to:

A. Call the police. It's probably some depraved specimen of humanity loitering and smoking crack.

B. Catch the scent and verify that it's a fellow connoisseur of fine tobacco. So, at the risk of being thought a little too friendly for that part of town, you cross the street and try to establish some sort of rapport by uttering common pipe smoking banalities.

C. Try to get sober. A flickering remnant of clarity reveals that the pipe smoker is none other than your own reflection in a shop window, a mistake anyone could make.

D. Ignore the bastard. There hasn't been another pipe smoker in the area for 17 years, and there's no reason to think there's another one now.

 

[Carol]

Love this thread! Have been laughing my rear off! Here!s a test question for you.

Which of these is used in pipe maintenance and preservation?
A mineral oil
B flint oil
C obsidian oil
D crude oil

What part of the pipe is it used on, and for what?

 

[trudger]

Do you use phrases such as: "I dare say" or words like "indubitability" or "forthwith"?

Only whilst pointing my pipe in an authoritative manner.

 

[B.Fee]

Sir you have insulted my sensibility's, I challenge you to a duel.

 

[Silvrbdgr]

You exit a downtown saloon late at night and almost immediately spot a man across the street lighting what appears to be a tobacco pipe. Your first thought is to:

A. Call the police. It's probably some depraved specimen of humanity loitering and smoking crack.

B. Catch the scent and verify that it's a fellow connoisseur of fine tobacco. So, at the risk of being thought a little too friendly for that part of town, you cross the street and try to establish some sort of rapport by uttering common pipe smoking banalities.

C. Try to get sober. A flickering remnant of clarity reveals that the pipe smoker is none other than your own reflection in a shop window, a mistake anyone could make.

D. Ignore the bastard. There hasn't been another pipe smoker in the area for 17 years, and there's no reason to think there's another one now.

I'll take "C" for the win.

 

[Ray Popp]

A co-worker sees you smoking a pipe, and he tells you that he just got his first pipe and is working through his first tin--Cult Blood Red Moon. He's having a great time and asks for a recommendation for his next blend. Which do you recommend:

A) Penzance. That ought to slow him down. I mean, really... what's one more person looking for Penzance?
B) Sammy G's Black XX Rope. Some people like to wear floaties and play in the kiddie pool, but ain't nobody got time for that. You're more of a "throw you in the lake and see if you make it back to the boat" kind of guy.
C) C&D's Syrian Trawler. His girlfriend said that she actually likes the smell of his pipe tobacco. We can fix that problem.
D) Billy Budd. Some C&D blends you either love or hate. Let's go ahead and throw the gauntlet so he knows what he's getting into.
E) Autumn Evening. You've been looking for some idiot a new smoker to offload this jar for years now.

All the above ...

 

[Ray Popp]

One should not smoke until your teeth becomes the color of a beautiful Tuscan sunset. I blind myself with my pearly yellows when walking past my mirror. Why brush teeth when you can savor the aftertaste?

Aren't teeth like meerschaum?

 

[Ray Popp]

She loves both! She's a fan of just about all of my hobbies and finds something interesting about each one. She even listens to vinyl with me while we play board games and I smoke my pipes. It always makes for a great time.
I cheated and started buying records that she likes to involve her more. Now she asks to throw on Bill Evans or Jim Hall instead. I've done well

I'm looking for one that likes to wear vinyl ... but that is something completely different ...

 

[Ray Popp]

Love this thread! Have been laughing my rear off! Here!s a test question for you.

Which of these is used in pipe maintenance and preservation?
A mineral oil
B flint oil
C obsidian oil
D crude oil

What part of the pipe is it used on, and for what?

E nose oil
F forehead oil
G Shell synthetic oil