A Bar Exam for Pipesmokers

[Briar Tuck]

What features distinguish a Canadian pipe?

A. Billiard shape with an elongated oval shank and tapered stem.
B. A maple leaf etched on the stem.
C. The unmistakable aroma of beaver and rutting moose.
D. The word "Sorry" stamped into the stummel.

 

[didimauw]

H&H stands for Hearth and Home, what does HH stand for on MacBaren Tins?

Man, I've failed just about every question asked on here. And the Macbaren HH line is one of my favorites. But you think I could come up with what it stands for? Hell no. I think I looked it up before.

I guess I'm not a real pipe smoker.

I quit.

 

[condorlover1]

You are a novice pipe smoker. You decide to join your local pipe club. Upon entering do you ask the owner of the local B&M for
(a) 2 lbs of Tambolaka RYO tobacco
(b) Sit down and then punch the club President on the nose and announce you are taking over
(c) Stare menacingly at the little guy with the Brylon pipe who is an accountant
(d) None of the above.

 

[varrj]

What is an appropriate price to pay for any Esoterica blend?
A) only pay what a respectable B&M would charge
B) generally $3 per 3gram bowl is acceptable
C) up to 6 times the original price
D) Tinbids

 

[condorlover1]

You are in a heated discussion about meerschaum coloring. Do you take your pipe and
(a) Saw it in half
(b) Saw it down the middle
(c) Smash it with a ten pound club hammer
(d) Grind it down into a fine powder and then snort it
(e) Give up on the stupidity of your fellow man
(f) None of the above
(g) Take a blood pressure pill

 

[condorlover1]

Which well known country lawyer and pipe collector also moonlights as an actor in the Andy Griffith Show?

 

[The Clay King]

@condorlover1 Clan!

 

[The Clay King]

You smoke clay pipes. Do you post on a pipe forum:

(a) that you have smoked tobacco brand X in your clay pipe
(b) that only smoke your pipe whilst wearing full WW1 combat kit
(c) Red coat uniform
(d) None of the above
(e) That you light your pipe using flaming sheep turd

@condorlover1 A & C. E is false as it was actually lit with an ember from the blacksmith's forge ...
I need to go into more detail on my pipe baccy reviews & tasting notes.

 

[Merton]

The multiple guess portion of the Bar exam features answers like this:
A. A ONLY
B. A AND B BUT NOT C
C. B BUT NOT D
D. C AND SOMETIMES A
E. ALWAYS A, C AND E
Even in the rearview mirror it induces nausea

 

[Streeper541]

What features distinguish a Canadian pipe?

B. A maple leaf etched on the stem.
C. The unmistakable aroma of beaver and rutting moose.

I'm pretty sure B & C are both correct, but that's based on my Petersons smelling like potatoes and whiskey.

I think so anyway. I haven't been able to smell anything since Covid broke my nose. Could just be my imagination.

 

[Puffaluffaguss]

Pipe smokers are educated and are not afraid to deal with subjects like physics and math. Fear of formulae is for potheads. Therefore:

Explain briefly and articulately how pipe chamber geometry affects flavour delivery. Conclude which pipe shape is the best for each tobacco genre.

I take offense (not really) to the pothead remark sir, that is such a codger thing to say, maybe in the 60's pothead was a term. Now and days you can call us Cannabis Conisours or a Medical Cannabis Patients depending on state. On that note most people like myself that grow our own ( legally by the way ), have to be able to calculate alot especially if growing indoors. Also I bet most of the best pipe makers also smoke cannabis. We (Cannabis Growers), as well as, wine and tobacco believe in "terroir" which is something most non Cannabis smokers can't believe, but it's true. I believe as long as you can enjoy the highest quality of what you could afford weather it be tobacco, Cannabis, cigars or alcohol by all means do it. Sorry about the rant, just highly passionate mabye to a fault . Great questions by the way!!!

 

[bullet08]

Can you breath? True or False.

 

[monty55]

Complete the following sentence:

I would rather suck the farts out of a living swan than smoke____________

That's easy... Condor of course!

 

[DotAndBang’sPipes]

Is it
A. mold
B. plume
C. They’re the same
D. I hate this conversation

 

[sparker69]

It really is too easy for people to become pipesmokers. They'll just let anyone walk in off the streets buy a pipe, smoke it, and everyone just lets them do it. What good is doing something that just anyone else can do also?

What?! Other people are doing it?! I guess I didn't notice enveloped in this wonderful cloud of smoke...
(Makes me think of my first cigar when my son was born - I think I smoked it backwards! Well, as I always say: "Everyone has their first day.")

 

[prairiedruid]

What are your thoughts on custom dyed poultry?

 

[sablebrush52]

1. C
2. B
3. D
4. A

All tobaccos need years of aging to be smokeable
A. Yes
B. No
C. I have no idea

Dunhill Pipes are better made than all other Factory pipes.
A. Yes
B. No
C. Really? Are you trying to start a fight?
D. I couldn't care less.

Cleaning a pipe after every bowl full is:
A. A good Idea
B. A waste of time
C. Too much work

Briar age is defined by:
A. How many years the burl has been growing in the ground before it is harvested
B. Years in the ground plus years since it was harvested
C. You're making my head hurt.

Rectangular and square tins are:
A. Intended to last forever
B. Intended to last a few years
C. Destruct on contact

"Estate" when applied to pipes is:
A. Fancy lingo for used.
B. What your beneficiaries refer to your pipes as after you have croaked out
C. Germ factories and disgusting
D. Bargains
E. Akin to used condoms

Aftermarket tobacco prices are:
A. An expression of the free market in all it's infinite glory
B. An excuse for ripping off customers
C. I don't care. I have all that stuff because I bought it when it was new.

Wide airways are:
A. An improvement
B. Unnecessary
C. What's an airway?

Life without McClelland is:
A. Not worth living
B. No big deal
C. An improvement
D. George McClelland?

True or false:

All you need to replicate any blend is the recipe and a mixing bowl.

 

[condorlover1]

War Horse Bar can be used as an excellent Moth repellent. Give other examples and why. You should illustrate your answer with a diagram.

 

[Briar Tuck]

What are your thoughts on custom dyed poultry?

And Punjabi freestyle comedy.

 

[lraisch]

You are alone in an airplane at 12,000 feet. You are 2 hours from the nearest airport. You have one hour of fuel remaining. On board are 100 gallons of crude oil and sufficient vessels and piping to build a catalytic cracking system. Do you;
A; Build the reactor vessel first
B; Build the regenerator first
C; Jump and hope for the best
D: Light your pipe and wonder how you got into this situation