A Bar Exam for Pipesmokers

[HawkeyeLinus]

In which part of the pipe do you point the lighter down into to light it?
View attachment 193827
This is really a trick question. A real pipesmoker would know that you never point the flame down into anything.

Hey Comrade, you've never learned how to use a Beattie Jet the hard way?

 

[HawkeyeLinus]

You taking a 9.5 hour flight from Miami to Franfurt Airport in Germany. You want to take two open tins of Escudo and a pipe with you, but carry on is restricted. What type of pipe will be the least painful to... ahhhh nevermind.

A pipe with an orific component - buy the tins with the horrific warnings when you get there, but recommend a highly fragrant aromatic for the pipe!

 

[cosmicfolklore]

You just arrived in East Berlin, California... you want to smoke a pipe, but the only place available is a cigar shop with a lounge. Do you...
A. just walk in set down and fire up a pipe.
B. just rent a car and start driving East as fast as you can.
C. ask if you may smoke a pipe in their lounge while holding a $15 cigar like you are going to buy it.
D. rob a liquor store so that someone can bring you a pipe to smoke in prison.

 

[Streeper541]

D. rob a liquor store so that someone can bring you a pipe to smoke in prison.

I thought they stopped putting people in prison for robbery in Kalifornia.

 

[CoffeeAndBourbon]

These are hilarious. I love it!

How many matches does it take to light a bowl of Dark Star? SG FVF?

A. - two
B. - five
C. - the whole box
D. - The bic ran dry

 

[cosmicfolklore]

Which one is more likely to be cone shaped...
A. the chamber of a dublin
B. the top of a bulldog's bowl
C. the top of anotherbob's head
D. all of the above sorry bob, I just had to...

 

[cosmicfolklore]

These are hilarious. I love it!

How many matches does it take to light a bowl of Dark Star? SG FVF?

A. - two
B. - five
C. - the whole box
D. - The bic ran dry

Hell, give me less than 5,000 words on how you would prep Dark Star for smoking.

 

[ashdigger]

You taking a 9.5 hour flight from Miami to Franfurt Airport in Germany. You want to take two open tins of Escudo and a pipe with you, but carry on is restricted. What type of pipe will be the least painful to... ahhhh nevermind.

Summer or winter?

 

[CoffeeAndBourbon]

Summer or winter?

On the summer solstice

 

[monty55]

Thanks for the laughs Cosmic. It's been a while since we had a thread that almost every comment got laughs.
I needed this.

 

[ashdigger]

On the summer solstice

Crap, I thought I figured it out.

 

[solideogloria86]

Mike McNeil and Captain Black are on a boat. Mike has three apples. Captain Black has five apples. If Mike gives one of his apples to Captain Black, then why wouldn't Mike just sell the recipes or train an apprentice to take over the company?

 

[Searock Fan]

Who does or who is a pipe smoker, is a problem that solves itself. You could say they tend to sort themselves out. I my experience a very high percentage of those who try a pipe give it up shortly after. Often because they don't get the "hit" cigarettes give them. Or, it's simply because it's too much work. Whatever the reason, they're gone. I'm so sad.

 

[AcesAndEights]

You taking a 9.5 hour flight from Miami to Franfurt Airport in Germany. You want to take two open tins of Escudo and a pipe with you, but carry on is restricted. What type of pipe will be the least painful to... ahhhh nevermind.

You’d be walking like you had a corn cob up your… ahhhh never mind as well.

 

[mso489]

Which part of the pipe goes in your mouth:

a. the bowl
b. the shank
c. the stem
d. the sock
e. all of the above

 

[cosmicfolklore]

Who does or who is a pipe smoker, is a problem that solves itself. You could say they tend to sort themselves out. I my experience a very high percentage of those who try a pipe give it up shortly after. Often because they don't get the "hit" cigarettes give them. Or, it's simply because it's too much work. Whatever the reason, they're gone. I'm so sad.

Which pipesmoker do you respect more...
A. General McArthur
B. Gerald Ford
C. Ronald Reagan
D. Stalin

Jus kiddin' it's fun. nothing serious.

 

[Streeper541]

I tapped my vast experience as a professional educator to create another 10 point quiz.

Finish the following sentences:

1. Grape flavored tobacco...
2. The Captain of the Black Frigate is...
3. Penzance is...

Select the most correct answer to the following questions:

4. I have been to ___ pipe shows in the past year?
a. 1
b. 2
c. all of them
d. wait, there's pipe shows?

5. My favorite member of the YouTube Pipe Community (YTPC) is
a. Eric "the Blue Collar" Smoker
b. "Muttonchop Piper"
c. A&B were the only two I knew
d. the YTPC is stupid

6. How many online pipe forums are there?
a. 5
b. 10
c. I don't know
d. There can be only one, and you're on it buster!

7. What is the best pipe smoking movie?
a. The Quiet Man
b. Lord of the Rings
c. I'll have to look it up in another thread
d. Whichever one I'm watching

8. A pipe rest is...
a. Whenever I take a break from my pipe
b. Whenever the pipe is not at motion
c. Not necessary if you've got a sitter

9. Is this a pipe? Yes or No?


10. Identify this famous pipe smoker.

a. Warren Beatty
b. Sherlock Holmes
c. Sean Connery
d. Howard Hughes

 

[FLDRD]

You just won an estate pipe on flea-bay and the cake in the chamber is so thick you can't see the bottom. Now it's time to
A: use your cigar lighter to burn it out
B: soak it with your favorite spirit then try your cigar lighter
C: put it in your dishwasher with oxyclean
D: count your blessings - someone saved you years of effort by building that cake

 

[Brendan]

@Streeper541
I recognise that hair piece, its Liberace isnt it?

 

[cosmicfolklore]

Cake is...
A. important
B. better if kept trimmed to the thickness of a credit card
C. not important
D. A LIE!!!!