A Bar Exam for Pipesmokers

[danish]

To educate young beginners in the art of smoking a pipe:

Q: You are tired of your mum yelling at you, when smoking in the house and therefore need a new pair of headphones. Which headphones would you choose?:
A.

or B.

 

[Ray Popp]

Only whilst pointing my pipe in an authoritative manner.

And only when smoking English blends ...

 

[dunnyboy]

The best tobacco pipes are made ONLY from?

A: The aged root ball of a Mediterranean shrub.
B: Plaster of Paris dipped in bee's wax.
C: Corn cobs discarded by vagrants.
D: The dried husks of butternut squash.

 

[Michigan_Bill]

You are halfway through a bowl of tobacco and you realize that it doesn’t taste quite as you expected. Do you:

A. Immediately clean the pipe with acetone and a Brillo pad.
B. Purchase a $1000 artisan-made pipe in search of the taste you want.
C. Start a internet campaign against the tobacco reviews site which led you astray.
D. Purchase a test kit to see if the certain virus has altered your sense of smell.
E. Smoke some other blend instead.

 

[Zack Miller]

B.

 

[LotusEater]

B.

This is the best possible answer to any of these exam questions

 

[sablebrush52]

You are halfway through a bowl of tobacco and you realize that it doesn’t taste quite as you expected. Do you:

A. Immediately clean the pipe with acetone and a Brillo pad.
B. Purchase a $1000 artisan-made pipe in search of the taste you want.
C. Start a internet campaign against the tobacco reviews site which led you astray.
D. Purchase a test kit to see if the certain virus has altered your sense of smell.
E. Smoke some other blend instead.

F. Lay waste to the Village and sacrifice the pipe to the Tobacco Gods.

 

[Carol]

Do you use phrases such as: "I dare say" or words like "indubitability" or "forthwith"?

Forthwith? As in "forthwith, yodeling on a mountanthide"?

 

[sablebrush52]

I thought they stopped putting people in prison for robbery in Kalifornia.

Nah, but we don't have all the pregnant 12 year olds like in Ohio.

 

[The Amish Tyrant]

Nah, but we don't have all the pregnant 12 year olds like in Ohio.

Ouch, right in the Cincinnati's.

 

[condorlover1]

You have studied Tobacco Reviews carefully. Do you select a tobacco that has:

(a) Hints of leather
(b) Hints of cut hay and straw
(c) Pleasant mushroom aftertaste
(d) Tastes like a flaming squirrel turd
(e) Leaves a fine white ash and little moisture in the bowl

 

[mso489]

Kudos for this original post by cosmicfolklore which really stimulated an outpouring of creativity and energy from the membership. The thread self-proclaims itself one of the highlights of January 2023.

 

[Ray Popp]

F. Lay waste to the Village and sacrifice the pipe to the Tobacco Gods.

G. Write a nasty review of the blend in Pipesmagazine and post it in General Discussion

 

[Ray Popp]

Nah, but we don't have all the pregnant 12 year olds like in Ohio.

Ouch !!!

 

[Zack Miller]

You smoke a pipe because
a. You want to appear authoritative.

b. You think you are a genius.


c. You then you’re suave

d. You think you’re a badass


e. Your mother smoked a pipe

 

[pistolero]

You smoke a pipe because
a. You want to appear authoritative.
View attachment 195044
b. You think you are a genius.
View attachment 195045

c. You then you’re suave
View attachment 195046
d. You think you’re a badass

View attachment 195047
e. Your mother smoked a pipe

View attachment 195048

F. All of the above!

 

[Carol]

You smoke a pipe because
a. You want to appear authoritative.
View attachment 195044
b. You think you are a genius.
View attachment 195045

c. You then you’re suave
View attachment 195046
d. You think you’re a badass

View attachment 195047
e. Your mother smoked a pipe

View attachment 195048

Hey, that smokin granny looks like my Avatar! We could be related! My great grandma smoked a corncob pipe!

 

[Zack Miller]

Hey, that smokin granny looks like my Avatar! We could be related! My great grandma smoked a corncob pipe!

That’s Mammy Yokum.

 

[Carol]

That’s Mammy Yokum.

Somewhere, I have an old picture of my great grandma sitting on her porch, smoking her handmade corn cob pipe. She was considered "uncouth" for doing it, but she just didn't care. I think I would have liked her.

 

[CoffeeAndBourbon]

Love this thread! Have been laughing my rear off! Here!s a test question for you.

Which of these is used in pipe maintenance and preservation?
A mineral oil
B flint oil
C obsidian oil
D crude oil

What part of the pipe is it used on, and for what?

Snake oil