What item do you use to clean your pipe? Choose one.
A Bar Exam for Pipesmokers
- Thread starter cosmicfolklore
- Start date
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You've just taken up smoking but your wife doesn't like the smell. Your next action step is
A: wear checked flannel, everyone knows that absorbs smoke smells and makes you manly without the smoky annoyance
B: spend 2K on an air purification unit so you can lock yourself into a tiny room in your own home
C: ask permission to smoke in the garage as long as she keeps her auto windows up
D: enjoy your pipe by the fireplace and recall the good times you had together
A: wear checked flannel, everyone knows that absorbs smoke smells and makes you manly without the smoky annoyance
B: spend 2K on an air purification unit so you can lock yourself into a tiny room in your own home
C: ask permission to smoke in the garage as long as she keeps her auto windows up
D: enjoy your pipe by the fireplace and recall the good times you had together
Q: Your wife gives you an ultimatum, it's her or the pipes? Do you...
A - Ask her which pipes?
B - Help her pack
C - Enquire as to where your cellar tobacco fits in with this dilemma?
D - Quickly deny any knowledge of said cellar
E - Remove the pipe from you a**
A - Ask her which pipes?
B - Help her pack
C - Enquire as to where your cellar tobacco fits in with this dilemma?
D - Quickly deny any knowledge of said cellar
E - Remove the pipe from you a**
Your preferences in pipe shapes are:
a. an indication of your aesthetic taste
b. a test of your memory
c. a challenge to your sense of personal style
d. a reason why you need another pipe
e. a set-up for the White Spot microphone joke
a. an indication of your aesthetic taste
b. a test of your memory
c. a challenge to your sense of personal style
d. a reason why you need another pipe
e. a set-up for the White Spot microphone joke
You're upping your pipe game and feel it's time for a new pipe. You
1. Buy the best you can afford - everyone knows more $ spent = better pipe
2. Buy a cob cuz they've the most open draw, smoke sweet, and are good-n-cheap
3. Buy a P-lip system pipe. There haven't been any improvements in over 100 years
4. It's a straw! Just learn how to smoke the damn thing and shut up about it!
1. Buy the best you can afford - everyone knows more $ spent = better pipe
2. Buy a cob cuz they've the most open draw, smoke sweet, and are good-n-cheap
3. Buy a P-lip system pipe. There haven't been any improvements in over 100 years
4. It's a straw! Just learn how to smoke the damn thing and shut up about it!
I blew coffee out of my retrohaler on this one!
Your pipe will explode if you:
A. Water Flush
B. Let the cake build up thicker than a dime
C. Don't build up any cake at all
D. Smoke back to back bowls in the same pipe
A. Water Flush
B. Let the cake build up thicker than a dime
C. Don't build up any cake at all
D. Smoke back to back bowls in the same pipe
People who do not enjoy smoking meerschaum 'cutty' pipes are devil worshipping satanists engaged in unusual sexual practices involving midgets and small garden gnomes. Extra credit will be awarded if your answer also includes specific worked examples.
Describe in less than 100 words why Falcon pipes are smoked by people who wear anoraks and socks with their sandals. Extra credit will be given for U.K geographically worked examples.
Clan is probably the worst tobacco available. Discuss.
You smoke clay pipes. Do you post on a pipe forum:
(a) that you have smoked tobacco brand X in your clay pipe
(b) that only smoke your pipe whilst wearing full WW1 combat kit
(c) Red coat uniform
(d) None of the above
(e) That you light your pipe using flaming sheep turd
(a) that you have smoked tobacco brand X in your clay pipe
(b) that only smoke your pipe whilst wearing full WW1 combat kit
(c) Red coat uniform
(d) None of the above
(e) That you light your pipe using flaming sheep turd
You are concerned about the environment and your carbon foot print. Do you:
(a) wash your pipe cleaners with your weekly washing load
(b) wash then individually
(c) stop cleaning your pipe
In the essay section of this question explain the various protocols you use to straighten out your used pipe cleaners and discuss any health and safety issues that should be identified.
(a) wash your pipe cleaners with your weekly washing load
(b) wash then individually
(c) stop cleaning your pipe
In the essay section of this question explain the various protocols you use to straighten out your used pipe cleaners and discuss any health and safety issues that should be identified.
A
B
D
B
I say the same answers too...
It’s funny this post coming up, because in all honesty, after coming up to being three years this year getting back into pipe smoking, I feel like I’ve only started to get a good rhythm of certain things at this point in time.
Now, just remember, none of this really matters if your pockets are deep, and you have money to throw to the wind.
But, if you really have to budget, and you are limited, then you certainly want to make your money go as far as it can, so what does that mean to a pipe smoker?
1. Affording a pipe, and then knowing how to properly smoke and care for it.
2. Finding blends that you like, suited to your tastes, and that might end up running into buying a lot of blends until you find what you like.
3. Then, smoking and enjoying what you like. Is it to moist, to dry, did I pack it right, or to tight, smoked to slow or to fast, am I getting my money’s worth in smoking and getting the most out of each bowl.
4. Breaking in an uncoated chamber, am I smoking it correctly, how hot, warm, or cool to keep it. Then trying to create an even carbon layer throughout the chamber.
These four are just a few fine examples, but there are a few others to consider, and for me, the real cherry on the top;
Am I good enough, to own an expensive pipe?
And when I start smoking expensive pipes, do I have enough experience to know whether or not they were worth what I paid, or I simply paid for a name, no better than any decent brand.
I said a lot of ‘I’ here, as to mean me only, and of course, these have all been thoughts in my mind, but these should also be what we all consider.
Sure, it’s just a pipe, and tobacco, how difficult can it be? Stick some tobacco in a pipe, light it and smoke it.
Well, if we all want to aspire to a level of connoisseur, appreciate a finer smoking pipe, appreciating quality tobacco, etc., then it certainly does look like this is like life, you get out of it, what you put into it.
All I can say, is I’ve spent a hell of a lot of time in learning;
The Finer Art of Pipe Smoking...
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Oh I know this one, a Falcon.
Complete the following sentence:
I would rather suck the farts out of a living swan than smoke____________
I would rather suck the farts out of a living swan than smoke____________
When your wife asks you for the umpteenth time why you need "so many pipes" you:
A: Close your laptop so she doesn't see what you were looking at.
B: Engage her in a conversation on the finer points of chamber diameter, pipe shapes, materials, and resting briar between smokes.
C: Ask her what she wants for her birthday.
D: Stare her down as you click on the place order button.
A: Close your laptop so she doesn't see what you were looking at.
B: Engage her in a conversation on the finer points of chamber diameter, pipe shapes, materials, and resting briar between smokes.
C: Ask her what she wants for her birthday.
D: Stare her down as you click on the place order button.