You Inherited The Local Smoke Shop; But Now, You Must Rename It

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shermnatman

Lifer
Jan 25, 2019
1,030
4,862
Philadelphia Suburbs, Pennsylvania
Through a trick-of-the-tale, because you were one of his most favorite customers, the old man who ran your local beloved pipe tobacco smoke shop has passed onto that great ashtray in the sky; and having no family he could tolerate for more than the required Thanksgiving holiday dinner, has left the clear title to the business and all inventory therein, deed to the commercial building and land upon which it sits, and all the good-will he established over 45 years at the same location, being his private domain of peace, pleasure, and modest profits to you; 'The Smoke Shop'.

The Will only contains the following provisos and instructions to you:

1. You must rename the shop under a wholly different name; and hopefully one with a bit more creative color than The Smoke Shop; or any other obviously derivative sounding title;

2. You may not simply rename the shop with your own name - first or last - present in the title;

and,

3. The words 'Twilight Zone' - may not appear in any form of the shop's new name.

The Executor of the Will, slides the legal papers across his large mahogany desk towards you, and hands you his heavy fountain pen so you may begin signing; as he leans back in his chair, he asks you: "and now that the shop is yours______ , what shall you call the place?"

a_SMOKE_SHOP.jpg

- Sherm Natman
 

shermnatman

Lifer
Jan 25, 2019
1,030
4,862
Philadelphia Suburbs, Pennsylvania
The Smoldering Crotch Pipe Lounge.
Dick’s Velvet Pouch Lounge. Liquor-in-the-Front & Poker-in-the-Rear. Free Parking.
and... the first two victims - being the Usual Forum Suspects - bite the dust in a most horrific manner; with fitting punishment, as only, The Twilight Zone, can meet out - Sherm Natman

CORNFIELD.jpg
 

pappymac

Lifer
Feb 26, 2015
3,270
4,261
My initial thought was "Pappy's Pipes" because Pappy is not my real name but is what the grandkids call me. Still, it probably wouldn't be allowed.

I would probably go with something like.... "The Smoking Lamp". A nod to the long gone traditional piping of "the smoking lamp is now lit..." aboard Navy and Coast Guard vessels.
 

chilipalmer

Starting to Get Obsessed
Aug 24, 2017
219
342
My mind runs to mischief, so, my initial thought was that I would name my establishment, "Kiss My Ash." Upon review, the sophomoric approach would probably encourace foot traffic from hipsters, vapsters, and, other undesireables. In effort to cull the hoople-heads at the pavement, I settled on:

The Ribbon and Flake
Quality tobaccos, briars, and useful paraphenalia
J. Worthington Sparks, proprietor.

Cheers,

Chili
 

gerryp

Part of the Furniture Now
Oct 8, 2018
704
2,368
56
Arabi, LA
Through a trick-of-the-tale, because you were one of his most favorite customers, the old man who ran your local beloved pipe tobacco smoke shop has passed onto that great ashtray in the sky; and having no family he could tolerate for more than the required Thanksgiving holiday dinner, has left the clear title to the business and all inventory therein, deed to the commercial building and land upon which it sits, and all the good-will he established over 45 years at the same location, being his private domain of peace, pleasure, and modest profits to you; 'The Smoke Shop'.

The Will only contains the following provisos and instructions to you:

1. You must rename the shop under a wholly different name; and hopefully one with a bit more creative color than The Smoke Shop; or any other obviously derivative sounding title;

2. You may not simply rename the shop with your own name - first or last - present in the title;

and,

3. The words 'Twilight Zone' - may not appear in any form of the shop's new name.

The Executor of the Will, slides the legal papers across his large mahogany desk towards you, and hands you his heavy fountain pen so you may begin signing; as he leans back in his chair, he asks you: "and now that the shop is yours______ , what shall you call the place?"


- Sherm Natman

Ye Olde Cancer Shoppe.

I know....too dark.