Marriage advice?

[smeigs]

Thank you guys for all the great info! It made me laugh, and contemplate haha. We have been together 7 years so luckily we have a feel for each other by now. I told her some of the responses here and she laughed and agreed with all of them. Thanks for sharing everyone, it means a lot to have different outlooks. All I know is that she loves my piping and everything about it.... I think thats a pretty good hint that I got the right one!

 

[papipeguy]

We are going on 31 years and I still refer to Barbara as "My Bride". For us it was never I, me or mine; it was and is- we, us and ours. Family first and as a husband, and later father, I saw my role as provider and protector. My wife is President of the family business, meaning that she is the glue that holds everything together. Argue? You bet. Clear the air asap and move on. We've been very lucky but it came by understanding that we did what we had to do to make things work. Some may use the word "sacrifice" but we never though about it. Just did what we though was right for the family. I retired at 55 and we have a pretty nice life, all things considered.

My wife and daughter (now 29) are my life but I also make time for interests outside of the home. That's important too but not to supplant the family but to add another dimension to life.

Congrats to you and your bride and I wish you all the luck and love that we've been blessed to have had all these years.

 

[sablebrush52]

Congratulations!!
After all of this experience and wisdom, the only thing that I can add is let her control the remote.

 

[lonestar]

I got a piece of advice. There are only two good reasons to marry, Love and Money. Everything else is just horse shit.

 

[mrenglish]

Coming up on our 20th next year, surprised she is still with me sometimes. Best advice I can offer is to just listen and do not try to fix the problems she talks about unless she asks. Most of the time my spousal unit is just venting and there is always that urge to fix things on my part.
If you guys have been together 7 years you should be OK. Its weird though, how that little piece of paper can change things in subtle ways.
Congrats!

 

[newbroom]

the one rule I demanded

Y'er pretty dead in the water, right there. How do you respond to 'demands'?

 

[captainsousie]

I can't top the wise words of Warren and Brad.

 

[johnnyreb]

"I recently became a widower and offer this from the bottom of my heart: "Treat her with respect at all times."
Warren,
I enjoyed the humor in your post but somehow missed this earlier. My sincere condolences to you on the recent loss of your soulmate. May your pain soon be replaced by fond memories.

 

[tbradsim1]

Warren when I read that you made me sad, can't imagine not getting up in the morning ( I am an early riser) and not seeing her come out the bedroom for her coffee, hopefully that day will never come as I would like to pass before her. Warren you are a wise man and I am truly sorry for you.

 

[cmdrmcbragg]

Totally believe @Michael on that one: don't do a damn thing unless she tells you to. They usually just want to vent and aren't looking for much more than somebody to listen to them. I'm not married but have been with my fiance for going on eight years so I know that, plus when you're right, you're still wrong. Picking and choosing battles is important, refer to my last piece of advice.
Women are just different animals in the way they handle things. I'm the calm, rational one while my fiance is the impulsive, stubborn one (I'm stubborn too, but she is much more so). It is a balancing act and ya just roll with the punches.

 

[winton]

22 years so far. All great advice above. Remember you two are a team, not two people sharing a house. Decide what you want to accomplish together in life. That will help eliminate a lot of issues. Go on dates regularly. Everytime we leave the house together, without the kids, it is a date! We will have a grocery date as soon as she gets fully awake, dressed, and had breakfast (might not be in that order).
If you only get one thing out of this thread, remember she is desperate to be loved. She NEEDS TO BE ABSOLUTELY CONVINCED THAT SHE IS NUMBER ONE IN YOUR LIFE WITH NO RIVALS!. Obviously this included the cute girl at the office or on the computer screen, your truck, your job, your time, your hobbies (pipes?) etc. Nothing is more important in your life than her. Of course women realize you need to earn a living. What will be the results? When her girl friends are bashing their men, she will brag about you. Wait until the first time she tells you, "You are my hero!"
This works.
Winton

 

[gamxiaoyuan]

As a married young 29 year old guy, my advice would be "Always put a pipe in your pocket in case of quarrel." Cause the pipe keeps your mouth from talking and your mind drifting away when your partner talks like machine gun. :D

 

[voorhees]

13 yrs married and agree so far with the advice. My number 1 is money. Have your own account and she has hers. But have a joint for home/bills/etc. I cannot stress this enough. Been there.

Be the rock she comes to for the bad things and good. No name calling.

Do things she likes, even when you don't... without complaint.

 

[jmsutton]

My advice would be not to go into it thinking that you've given up anything better than marriage. Never let your wife think that you feel as if you gave up the best for the worst. Even if you actually feel that way sometimes... don't let her feel that way. Getting ready to get married people would say things like "welcome to the end" or "why would you end your life so young?". I know that most of them were in good humor and fun, but I could never imagine my wife feeling secure with me as her husband if she thought that I felt that way (which I don't).

 

[jimbo44]

It should also be regarded as a capital offence to not declare that you are a pipe smoker before marriage proposals!

 

[voorhees]

It should also be regarded as a capital offence to not declare that you are a pipe smoker before marriage proposals!

Truth! Don't give up your friends/hobbies/things that make you, you.

 

[conlejm]

We have been married almost 24 years. You have been given a wealth of great advice already, but I though I would add this quote that comes to mind every now and then:
“Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.” ― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, Airman's Odyssey

 

[andya27]

Congratulations! This is a wonderful time in your life!
I've been married for 33 years. I have no advice to give, other than the advice from one of my favorite plays - "Our Town" by Thornton Wilder. A young man, George, is getting married, and on the morning of his marriage his father-in-law gives him some advice on marriage:
Mr. Webb (the father-in-law):

George, I was thinking the other night of some advice my father gave me when I got married. Charles, he said, Charles, start out early showing who’s boss, he said. Best thing to do is give an order, even if it don’t make sense; just so she’ll learn to obey. [...]
George (the groom):

Well, Mr. Webb... I don’t think I could...
Mr. Webb:

So I took the opposite of my father’s advice and I’ve been happy ever since.

 

[puffdoggie]

Congrats on your nuptials. As for my wife & I, she calls me an assh*le and I call her a b*tch. We understand each other perfectly! :crazy:

 

[smeigs]

Lots of great stuff from everyone. I feel like I should write a book based on all your responses haha! "The pipe smokers guide to marriage".... has a pretty good sound to it. I appreciate all the wisdom from you guys.