Marriage advice?

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smeigs

Preferred Member
Jun 26, 2012
1,050
0
Hey forum brothers... I recently got married last weekend and thought this might be an interesting topic. Not that I am in need of advice due to issues within a marriage, I just thought it might be interesting to hear some advice or tips from some of the seasoned vets on here! I find it interesting and actually therapeutic to hear what has worked and what has not for some people when it comes to marriage. Im excited for this new adventure and I appreciate your thoughts and wisdom! Happy smoking everyone.

 

numbersix

Preferred Member
Jul 27, 2012
5,452
1
First of all - congratulations and best wishes!
Married 25 years. My first piece of advice is to remember that men and women are opposites. It's what attracts. But after time it's also what can lead to separation if one or both cannot accept and especially respect the natural differences.
My second piece of advice is to communicate. If your wife does something that bothers you, discuss it (and vice versa) in a non-attacking manner. Get it out in the open early on before it festers. It's much easier to let things slide, but little things can get compounded over the years.

 

warren

Preferred Member
Sep 13, 2013
7,593
505
"Yes dear." Learn those words. And admit that as a man, you really do need help rounding off the rough edges. Heck! You probably don't even know you have rough edges. If you married "up" as I have suggested before, you are in for the ride of your life and will, most likely, be a better man for it.
Seriously, pick your battles carefully. There will be differences of opinion on most any conceivable subject. Most battles are not worth winning in the long run. Compromise when necessary. Compromise when it's not necessary.
Verbal abuse sometimes leaves a scar. If an argument is required, and they sometimes are, be a gentleman. Walking away, pouting and withdrawal are not conducive to good communication. I'm not talking about being a wimp, stand up for yourself when necessary but in a manner that doesn't threaten or hurt.
You're a male, probably under the age of 100, and ergo, you are a doofus. Recognize this and you will be a happier man. Your wife knows this and she will, gently over the years if you are lucky, do her best to make you a better man than you are now. It's her job in life now and she probably sees you better than you see yourself.
I recently became a widower and offer this from the bottom of my heart: "Treat her with respect at all times."
Unanticipated gifts are the best. Roses and other gifts are not just for when you mess it up. They are required when you do mess it up though.
So, buckle up, do the best you can, you'll get better at it as time goes on, and enjoy every memorable moment of your new life.

 

lostandfound

Preferred Member
Sep 30, 2011
908
0
Congratulations Smeigs!
I'm glad you made this thread bro, as I'm engaged to be a married man, in a just over two years from today, and any advice given here will be warmly welcome.

 

agnosticpipe

Preferred Member
Nov 3, 2013
2,651
168
What I've learned: Be each others best friend. Learn to enjoy doing what each other likes to do, and then do those things together. You'll never like all the same things, but doing more together rather than separately, will keep you close. My wife and I enjoy each others company, and enjoy doing most things together. No, I don't watch soap operas with her, and she doesn't always listen to the same music I do. Make compromise work for you, and when in doubt, let her win. My dad said that marriage is not a word, it's a sentence. I knew he was joking as they were married for over 50 years. We've reached over 30 so far, and I don't see an end to it.
Congratulations, have a happy life, smoking and all. :puffy:

 

woodsroad

Preferred Member
Oct 10, 2013
8,377
303
OK, I've been married 23 years and this thread has helped me already. Thank you, folks.
I'll just add: Continue to to treat her in the same way that got her to say "yes". It will not always be easy, and sometimes it will seem impossible, but selfish pride has no place in a marriage.
In short: You've done a great job so far. Keep it up.

 

teufelhund

Preferred Member
Mar 5, 2013
1,499
0
St. Louis, MO
Congrats! I got married this past Saturday as well and although I can't say I have much experience I did receive some insightful advice from a family friend. "Sometimes it's better to be wrong even though you know your right." It's already working wonders; I like to think of it as the marriage version of sticks and stones. She knows that she is outside her gourd half the time, but not being the one to point that out to her pays dividends.

 

tbradsim1

Preferred Member
Jan 14, 2012
7,568
369
Warren is right on all of his thoughts, especially the unexpected gifts. I am almost 50 yrs into my marriage, the one rule I demanded is when we got mad at each other there was no stormings out the house, if she left there was no comeing back, everyone to a different part of the house, that way things could be worked out when tempers had calmed. Words can cut like a knife, swallow some and you will be better for it. Remember good looks goes but a good cook stays. That's an old Cajun saying Cher, wish you many years of Happiness.

 

johnnyreb

Preferred Member
Aug 21, 2014
1,786
1
Congratulations on your marriage! Throughout the early years you two will be a team together. Later when raising children you will both share a common goal centered around what's best for them and their futures. Just be sure and save some of that team and common goals for when the children are grown and gone. It will happen a lot sooner than you think.
What's that old joke..."Been happily married for twelve years...twelve outa twenty ain't bad!"

 

smeigs

Preferred Member
Jun 26, 2012
1,050
0
@brad... I love the "good cooks stay" comment. She cant cook at all so now I know she is here to stay!!

 

sw0snuff3r

Member
Oct 3, 2014
240
0
When you have an argument - and any healthy relationship will have arguments - take a minute away alone to cool down at the first possible moment. Then just think about what life would be like without her. I think you will find that things will fall into perspective and it will all smooth over.

 

jmatt

Preferred Member
Aug 25, 2014
760
1
My friend, let me tell you about the "Marital Harmony Act."
It's the book of rules for a long and happy marriage. Now unfortunately - she has a copy, and you don't. In fact, you've got to learn it along the way. Oh - and she can re-write sections whenever she wants. She can add sections whenever she wants. She gets to interpret it however she wants. Your simple job - is to learn the rules of the "Marital Harmony Act."
For example - I've learned that if I give my wife some decent notice (acknowledging she gets to determine what "decent" is), I can grab some beers with buddies after work before I come home. BUT - I also learned that telling her at 4:55pm on Friday night that I'm gonna go hang out with buddies instead of coming home - giving her no chance to make plans of her own and leaving her alone on a Friday nigh....is in fact a HUGE violation of the "Marital Harmony Act."
I'm sure any gentleman on this forum can add a rule he's learned from the "Marital Harmony Act."

 

daimyo

Preferred Member
May 15, 2014
1,461
1
Soon after my wife and I got engaged we shared a cab with an elderly couple leaving Kaiserhof in Ocean Beach, heading to the Sports Arena area of San Diego. The couple was obviously still very much in love and were happy to hear we were engaged. The Women asked if we would like some advice and we replied that we would appreciate it. She suddenly got very serious and said to us that marriage was hard work. She felt kids these days simply got married and expected things to work if that was what was destined. She said that after 40 years of marriage, there had been many days she awoke with a strong desire to strangle her husband and that he had no doubt felt the same. That said, she insisted that it was worth the work and that effort made in that direction would pay off with a substantial return. Compromise and consideration were sighted as two of the most important factors. This year the wife and I will celebrate our 10th anniversary and I must say that awesome woman was correct in every respect.

 

huntertrw

Preferred Member
Jul 23, 2014
3,862
27
The Lower Forty of Hill Country
smeigs:
Congratulations, and welcome to the fold.
My wife and me will celebrate our 29th anniversary this month. To say that marriage is "easy" is to be a blind optimist or a fool, for as the Scripture says, "In this world you WILL have trouble..." However, having said that I urge you to remember that when things get bad, they WILL eventually get better. The question of WHEN is strictly up to you...together. There is an "i" in the word marriage, but it is best to think of it, always, as "us."
Best of luck to you both throughout the years!

 

maxpeters

Senior Member
Jan 4, 2010
435
0
Not much I can add to what's already been said. Just remember though, marriage is grand. Divorce is a Hundred Grand. Just saying.

 

zekest

Preferred Member
Apr 1, 2013
1,137
2
Don't co-mingle all your money and/or funds.
Money is where many fights and battles start.

 

puffy

Preferred Member
Dec 24, 2010
2,447
12
North Carolina
Women never forget.If you say something to hurt her she will remember it always.Treat her with respect.Make her feel good about herself.Make her know that you love her.Keep arguements focused on issues.Never let them get personal.My wife and I have an agreement that though we may still disagree on something we never go to bed mad at each other.Several years from now you will realize that some of the things you argue about now will not matter then..For example..I no longer care what color the drapes are.

 

terrygoldman123

Senior Member
Jun 2, 2013
427
1
Virginia
Real Cheap Advice:
Words can hurt and they also can heal.
Damn near impossible to put the toothpaste back into to the tube once it has been squeezed out. So.....choose your words wisely and let her win the arguments more often than not. Picking your battles is crucial to a long and fruitful marriage.

 

yaboofive

Member
Jan 28, 2010
182
2
Congratulations on the recent nuptials.
Been married twice.... all I can say is that it's cheaper to keep her....

 
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