find friendship by attending AA, OA, or NA (Narcotics Anonymous) meetings and pretend to have the beginnings of a problem
And after that, you could start your own group and call it Fight Club!
/BREAK/
A number of yeas ago I started a family, got out of the military and began a career - my world condensed down to a pretty small group of people. I found it hard to make friends in the neighborhood and at church, as most of the guys I met there seemed little different from the estrogen crowd - nice people for the most part but hanging out with them was about as stimulating as French kissing your grandpa.
I was lucky enough that I worked with a few of the brothers when I first got out and that bridged the gap for a while but all things, good AND bad as most things are, come to an end. I put my head down and forged on for a other decade or so. A couple things changed a few years ago - my boys grew up and began their own lives and my work situation changed again. I started getting together a little more regularly with some of my brothers from back in the day - I didn’t know how much I missed it. It was like I was a fish that had been out of water. And while those infrequent gatherings did recharge the batteries, they were and are still - infrequent.
I also finally gave up on “church” as it seemed like an endless dog and pony show; almost immediately I found my tribe - outside the camp so to speak. Now doing some weekly Bible study with real dudes and real talk - it has been a Godsend. In the process I’ve softened some hard edges and learned to have a little bit of grace for people.
Recently I’ve come across a group of guys that meet weekly under the lose affiliation of “Holy Smokes” to share a smoke, a wee dram and the kind of friendship many of us realize we need but so seldom find. I know each “chapter” is different but ours is surprisingly diverse. While the organizers are Christians, Pagans and undecideds are heartily welcome. Couple of young troopers recently came aboard and decided it was a good alternative to the early dirt nap they were contemplating…
Of course the Seattle Pipe Club is still going strong; I’ve reconnected with some fine old acquaintances only to realize that if I spent more time there I could call them real friends…. It is a little bit difficult to keep up with my social calendar these days, and I’m fine with that as I am still very far from being a joiner - but no man is an island. I’m finding that even if I don’t need a friend I need to be one.
Lots of great advice in the comments above, pick something you care about and put yourself out there in that community, you will find friends. We’re all pretty much the same, same struggles, same fears, same insecurities and, like it or not, made for community. There’s a reason even loners are on this site….
And finally, I really appreciate this place, I wish I had the privilege of meeting a good number of you in person!
