Male Socializing/Outlets/Clubs/Etc.

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K.E. Powell

Can't Leave
Aug 20, 2022
493
1,781
37
West Virginia
Most of my friends are men, so if I want guy time, well, we just gather. But I never been one to wax romantic about masculinity or somesuch. At the same time, I can sympathize with where you are coming from. My own office is all females except me, and there are times I do feel the odd man out, so to speak. So, I do get it. There are times you want to talk about guy stuff and you can't.

That being said, what groups I do find myself joining are based on shared interests and goals moreso than shared gender. I would not be opposed to a fraternal group at all! I love working with my community and being part of it. But most of the ones in my neck of the woods are mostly just "good ole boy" type clubs where I wouldn't fit in.
 

warren

Lifer
Sep 13, 2013
11,700
16,209
Foothills of the Chugach Range, AK
In my younger days I bowled for the competition of the game. For the same reason I played hockey. I skied competitively, Alpine. Being asocial I don't seek out companionship except for my dog. My current occupation, wild-life photographer allows me to find all the companionship I need or want daily in the out of doors.

I have several old friends and we meet now and then over lunch and tell war stories, the same ones over and over. We are all old enough to be forgetful so, the stories seem new every few weeks.
 

bullet08

Lifer
Nov 26, 2018
8,932
37,916
RTP, NC. USA
In my younger days I bowled for the competition of the game. For the same reason I played hockey. I skied competitively, Alpine. Being asocial I don't seek out companionship except for my dog. My current occupation, wild-life photographer allows me to find all the companionship I need or want daily in the out of doors.

I have several old friends and we meet now and then over lunch and tell war stories, the same ones over and over. We are all old enough to be forgetful so, the stories seem new every few weeks.
Yupe. I noticed that recently. My friends and I seem to talk about the crazy days of youth over and over. And good laugh over the same thing.

When I was younger, most of my free times were occupied with playing bagpipes competitively. Anything left over was spent at martial art school. Things changed once the kids were born. Once they were in school, was able to pickup the bagpipes again, and martial art. But playing bagpipes two night a week for band and solo practice everyday was just too much commitment. Martial art stopped once my body started to complain. Was scout leader for awhile from my older son was second grade until he decided merit badges weren't his thing. Younger didn't want to be in BSA to start with, but his older brother loves camping. He stopped as soon as his older brother stopped. Meaning, I stopped. It's kinda creepy to be in scout when my boys are no longer there.

Miss those things, but all good things have to end.
 

The Algerian

Might Stick Around
Jul 6, 2022
65
390
Golden Valley, AZ
Science has a name for it, the Sigma personality type.
I've lost the majority of my faith in science.
Which is it?😀

My only shudder was
Welcome to adulthood. Those are the only people that really matter anyway.
the absoluteness of the statement. Of course many in our population are not comfortable with or content spending time in social situations. But others are. I once lived in a blue zone and I was very impressed with the elderly people and how active and well they lived. But you are right, it isn’t for everyone.
 
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Hovannes

Can't Leave
Dec 28, 2021
355
847
Fresno, CA
I hear you.
Nearly all my old friends are gone, gone like a freight train, gone like yesterday, gone like a soldier in the Civil War bang-bang

Take up Trap or Skeet shooting---there's plenty of comradery, and John Moses Browning would have likely approved!

Or find a tavern where everybody knows your name.
 

trouttimes

Lifer
Nov 26, 2018
5,174
21,491
Lake Martin, AL
I lived for a long time among military types and cowboys. A culture of men with unwritten rules and common experiences which shaped who they were. I just retired and moved to the South. I have been shocked at what a different culture this is. I totally understand it being hard to “find your group”. I have been told I’m hard, cold, heartless, etc. I prefer to think I have little time for soft men. I prefer the company of people who have done something more after high school, who are informed, have opinions and can defend them. We used to say, men who can hold their end of the line. I mostly like being alone anyway so not a real great loss to me.
 

Briar Tuck

Lifer
Nov 29, 2022
1,109
5,737
Oregon coast
I hear you.
Nearly all my old friends are gone, gone like a freight train, gone like yesterday, gone like a soldier in the Civil War bang-bang

Take up Trap or Skeet shooting---there's plenty of comradery, and John Moses Browning would have likely approved!

Or find a tavern where everybody knows your name.
Trap and skeet shooting is my thing. John Moses Browning was the man. Having a place where everybody knows your name is also great.
 
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lestrout

Lifer
Jan 28, 2010
1,758
283
Chester County, PA
I'm surprised no one has mentioned pipe clubs, or for that matter, cigar lounges. Many of the B&Ms that I've visited develop a corps of regulars. In most now, sports bar type big TVs provide a focus, particularly for sports lovers. The Philly area has always been a sports town, and the Eagles (football), Phillies (baseball), Flyers (hockey), and Seventy Sixers (basketball) always seem to have some excitement going on. Lately even soccer is building a following.
 

swampgrizzly

Might Stick Around
Sep 26, 2018
86
201
South Louisiana, U.S.A.
I'm retired and about 6 years ago a small group of 6 high school and college friends (who are also retired) and I started getting together for lunch followed by a hour or so chatting at our table after eating and then going to an ice cream parlor for desert and more chatting. We met for lunch about once a month. Approximately once a year we get together and go on 3 to 4 day vacation trips together and have a blast.

I have one sort of unorthodox suggestion that might prove helpful. Bare with me as I describe this potential angle. About 20 years ago I ran into a male friend at a coffee shop who happened to be there with a small group of other men. I was invited to sit with them with my coffee. It turns out it was a group of men who had just left their AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) meeting for the week! They just had started enjoying each others company and extended their friendship to an offsite after the weekly meeting coffee outing. They were a very interesting group with men from very varied walks of life/economic status/interests.

With my having struggled with addiction issues in my youthful past, but recovered on my own as I matured, I chose to call my fiend the next day to offer support if he needed any with his sobriety recovery. Turns out that he had been sober for quite a number of years, but continued to attend the meetings to continue re-enforcement of his sobriety. He invited me to come to some of their meetings even though I no longer had addiction struggles. I went to a few of their meetings to experience what they were like. However, I have since continued to drop in on their weekly after the meeting coffee chats a couple of times a month for several years now since I enjoy their company and conversation so much. A few of us from that coffee outing have attended baseball games together and also went fishing together as well.

I have since encountered a Jewish couple who are of average weight, but attend a weekly OA (Overeaters Anonymous) meeting pretending to have an eatiing addiction so they can meet and make friends. They may be they only Jewish residents in our predominately Christian community. I met them through the AA friend at the after the meeting coffee chat outings. Turns out that some of the OA meeting group meet for coffee offsite after their meetings as well. So, even though you may be blessed to have no addiction problems at all, you may be able to find friendship by attending AA, OA, or NA (Narcotics Anonymous) meetings and pretend to have the beginnings of a problem that you want to keep under control. At least some (usually those who are well into their sobriety) end up at some type of coffee shop for after meeting fellowship. All of these groups have lots of men in them and they're of such various backgrounds and interests that they make very interesting company!
 

beargreasediet

Starting to Get Obsessed
Nov 23, 2021
294
2,455
Too close to Seattle.
find friendship by attending AA, OA, or NA (Narcotics Anonymous) meetings and pretend to have the beginnings of a problem

And after that, you could start your own group and call it Fight Club!

/BREAK/

A number of yeas ago I started a family, got out of the military and began a career - my world condensed down to a pretty small group of people. I found it hard to make friends in the neighborhood and at church, as most of the guys I met there seemed little different from the estrogen crowd - nice people for the most part but hanging out with them was about as stimulating as French kissing your grandpa.

I was lucky enough that I worked with a few of the brothers when I first got out and that bridged the gap for a while but all things, good AND bad as most things are, come to an end. I put my head down and forged on for a other decade or so. A couple things changed a few years ago - my boys grew up and began their own lives and my work situation changed again. I started getting together a little more regularly with some of my brothers from back in the day - I didn’t know how much I missed it. It was like I was a fish that had been out of water. And while those infrequent gatherings did recharge the batteries, they were and are still - infrequent.

I also finally gave up on “church” as it seemed like an endless dog and pony show; almost immediately I found my tribe - outside the camp so to speak. Now doing some weekly Bible study with real dudes and real talk - it has been a Godsend. In the process I’ve softened some hard edges and learned to have a little bit of grace for people.

Recently I’ve come across a group of guys that meet weekly under the lose affiliation of “Holy Smokes” to share a smoke, a wee dram and the kind of friendship many of us realize we need but so seldom find. I know each “chapter” is different but ours is surprisingly diverse. While the organizers are Christians, Pagans and undecideds are heartily welcome. Couple of young troopers recently came aboard and decided it was a good alternative to the early dirt nap they were contemplating…

Of course the Seattle Pipe Club is still going strong; I’ve reconnected with some fine old acquaintances only to realize that if I spent more time there I could call them real friends…. It is a little bit difficult to keep up with my social calendar these days, and I’m fine with that as I am still very far from being a joiner - but no man is an island. I’m finding that even if I don’t need a friend I need to be one.

Lots of great advice in the comments above, pick something you care about and put yourself out there in that community, you will find friends. We’re all pretty much the same, same struggles, same fears, same insecurities and, like it or not, made for community. There’s a reason even loners are on this site….

And finally, I really appreciate this place, I wish I had the privilege of meeting a good number of you in person!
 

Egg Shen

Lifer
Nov 26, 2021
1,073
3,569
Pennsylvania
This is a weird message to write and post as I'm not much of an outgoing or "open book" type of person. I am a (male) librarian and work with a staff that is overwhelmingly female. I live with my significant other and we have no children. My male friends that I had when I was younger have moved out of state. I reach out to groups like this forum in part for the "male camaraderie" as much as the pipe and tobacco information I'm assuming.

What do others do to have something that resembles "guy time" in their lives? Groups of existing friends? Bowling and golf leagues? Is anyone an Elk, Moose, or Mason? Have those groups become "family" organizations? Even trying to hang out at the local brewery - it's family game time whenever I go in. Anyway, just throwing this out there to hear some thoughts.
No. I don’t really make friends and have lost interest in the few I had over the past few years. Prefer to read books. I wish I had someone who lives close by to play chess with.
 

gervais

Lifer
Sep 4, 2019
2,078
6,973
39
Ontario
I use to be concerned with this after me and my girlfriend (now wife) bought our house. We now have 2 beautiful pain in the ass children that demand all our time when we come home from work. She still goes out with her friends for lunch every once in a while, but I don't really have any "after work buddies" or anything like that. Im a tradesman and work with 95% men, so there is no shortage of male comroderie in my life. Now if I could find the time to have an hour to myself everyday for a pipe......that's my dream.
 

reloader

Lifer
Dec 5, 2021
1,978
23,976
Southern, NM
Like @trouttimes I spent time in the military and with cowboys so I associate with those personalities. I've had friends since I entered civilian life and stopped riding, but don't have any groups currently since I retired. The wife and I are homebodies and spend almost every waking minute together. I can take other people in small doses, lol. Socializing is great, but at this point in my life it seems like a lot of work.
 

Peter Turbo

Lifer
Oct 18, 2021
1,158
8,296
CT, USA
Still fortunate to be close friends with kids I went to High School with 20 years ago now. Some live close still some are out of state.

Usually we go away once or twice a year snowboarding or do a big meetup in the summer (hiking/camping/concerts)

Most of us even stay connected through PC gaming and play online quite a bit together despite the fact they have young children and or wives/gf now.

I talk to most of them almost daily through group texts since Im not on facebook, insta or any social media.

They say blood is thicker then water but theres an exception when it comes to my homies, these dudes are ride or die been with me through the worst and are like my own flesh and blood.
 

Hovannes

Can't Leave
Dec 28, 2021
355
847
Fresno, CA
Let me get this straight.
You're complaining about constantly being surrounded by women?
Do you realize that you're King of the Amazons?
Or at least a fatherly figure with office offspring as numerous as Moses?
It's all good. Enjoy the ride.
Or if you really hell bent on male companionship, commit a crime that will land you in a penitentiary LOL!.
 

El Capitán

Lifer
Jun 5, 2022
1,177
4,843
34
Newberry, Indiana
I am the High Priest of my pagan group. We do celebrations throughout the year. Our committee meet every Thursday to discuss things. It's a small group of people. No more than 20, but we do have fun. Most are guys. We had an axe throwing event for Litha this year and today, to mark the start of Yule, we will be burning yule goats made of straw.
 

litup

Part of the Furniture Now
Oct 16, 2015
722
2,206
Sacramento, CA
I get my male camaraderie through:
Monthly pipe club.
Monthly Scotch club.
Fantasy baseball and fantasy football (annual in-person drafts with trash-talking via text all season).
Attending the Las Vegas and Chicago pipe shows.
Occasional "get togethers" for dinner and drinks.