Ever see The Wicker Man?
Male Socializing/Outlets/Clubs/Etc.
- Thread starter JohnMosesBrowning
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I've never been a very outgoing, I was always more of a introvert. When I wasn't at school I was either working or playing video games at home. I had a year of partying with a friend which became superficial. I met my then girlfriend, married her 4 years later, got our first child 4 years later and 2.5 years later our second. In the meantime I had a more than fulltime job with a irregular schedule, so everything was around planning that around my personal life with my wife also working part time. My only contacts outside my family where and still kind of are my coworkers. I had a motorcycle and a active riding group. My younger brother also rode a bike and we have been on a trip to Germany, but we are generally not that close.
This year I switched to a more regular schedule which means I get more time to do other stuff.
I'll do my first "masculine" activity after a long time; we have planned a 4 day skiing trip to France with 7 other male coworkers.
This year I switched to a more regular schedule which means I get more time to do other stuff.
I'll do my first "masculine" activity after a long time; we have planned a 4 day skiing trip to France with 7 other male coworkers.
After working in an office full of them and seeing AND experiencing how vicious they can be, not only would I complain, I'd want out. "Toxic masculinity" is a joke; now Toxic FEMINITY is dreadfully real.
That's only for four or five days a month.
This is an interesting post.
Check out the book by Robert D. Putnam called
Check out the book by Robert D. Putnam called
Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revival of American Community
The latest edition includes a new final chapter on the role of social media. The title of the book refers to the time men used to spend in bowling clubs, or poker games, or any other popular male social structure before the 1990s
Interesting post. I have seen my social circle dwindle over time to up to 10 good friends, fairly even split between men and women, plus family. A lot are in stable relationships, have kids etc so naturally less time for others.
I also have a family of my own, yet work and stress means I need alone time. I mostly see people 1:1, rarely in a group. I’ve always disliked what I call conferences as they never seems to get anything meaningful said or done. Even in parties in the past I’d usually spend most of the night catching up with 2-3 people, not like those who go from person to person all night.
Increasingly doing a lot of my communication by phone or email. Me time is lifting weights and when the weather improves, riding the bike I just bought, or playing computer games, or music. Very occasionally a craft project but that’s gone since we moved to CH.
Don’t have a specific desire for socialising more with my male friends.
A couple we are friends with, and neighbours, are the type of people who need action and commotion 24/7. Almost a fear of being alone/quiet. Both me and my wife need alone time after any event, including from each other.
I also have a family of my own, yet work and stress means I need alone time. I mostly see people 1:1, rarely in a group. I’ve always disliked what I call conferences as they never seems to get anything meaningful said or done. Even in parties in the past I’d usually spend most of the night catching up with 2-3 people, not like those who go from person to person all night.
Increasingly doing a lot of my communication by phone or email. Me time is lifting weights and when the weather improves, riding the bike I just bought, or playing computer games, or music. Very occasionally a craft project but that’s gone since we moved to CH.
Don’t have a specific desire for socialising more with my male friends.
A couple we are friends with, and neighbours, are the type of people who need action and commotion 24/7. Almost a fear of being alone/quiet. Both me and my wife need alone time after any event, including from each other.
If you want some quality "guy time" you could do a lot worse than The Blue Oyster Bar
Church, pipe club, just hanging out at the Briary or a cigar shop, Toastmaster, Rotary, the museum board, and helping with city events… years of participation in stuff just has people dropping by to hang out.
Funny though, I just never thought of it as “guy time” till now. But, I guess that’s what it is, even if ladies hang out as well. Most of the time it’s couples that drop by, but it’s still usually guy stuff… wine tasting, pipe smoking, cigar swapping, or just hanging out and talking shit.
Some days it is a little taxing to have visitors, especially if I just want to get something done… or nothing done.
Funny though, I just never thought of it as “guy time” till now. But, I guess that’s what it is, even if ladies hang out as well. Most of the time it’s couples that drop by, but it’s still usually guy stuff… wine tasting, pipe smoking, cigar swapping, or just hanging out and talking shit.
Some days it is a little taxing to have visitors, especially if I just want to get something done… or nothing done.
My small town's only bowling alley closed for good during the Covid lockdowns. It's a 20 mile drive down the coast now to the nearest bowling alley.
What's the difference (if any) between the Elks, Eagles, Moose, and Masons?
I've reached the age where everyone I new has either moved away, died, stabbed me in the back and otherwise just moved out of my life. I still have some acquaintances and we meet every Saturday from noon until 4pm. We mainly discuss new tobaccos or pipes that may have been acquired. The best part is the place bars discussions of politics and religion.
They have a lot of similarities and are all charitable organizations, so probably the biggest difference is in the level of formality. The Masons are by far the oldest and most formal. They have a lot of ritual in their meetings. The Elks started as a drinking club and adopted a lot of the Masonic rituals for their meetings, but over the years they ended up dropping a lot of it. The Elks meetings are still relatively formal though. The Eagles are very similar to the Elks, but more casual and less ritual. I don't have any personal experience with the Moose, but my understanding from talking to members is that they are very casual.
For the Elks and Eagles there is also quite a bit of variation between the individual lodges/aeries. Some are very active, lots of members, large facilities, and more formality, while others are just getting by with low membership, not much going on, and doing the bare minimum when it comes to their meetings. It's not uncommon for lodges to be shut down by the Grand Lodge if they aren't keeping up with membership, meetings, and charitable activities.
This sounds like a great group. Wish I could find something like this. I've been part of "Bible studies" before, but I find that the presence of women inevitably changes the vibe drastically. In one of CS Lewis's essays, he talks about this. Most times the men stop being themselves, say less (certainly less harsh things), and generally clam up, etc. In my experience all such groups end up becoming more feminine and the men end up unhappy and eventually want to quit. Or the men turn into the "estrogen crowd" you referenced. Either way, it becomes unbalanced. This is a big reason why men "give up on church."
honestly I really don't care that much for men. Some particular ones I do but as a group they need a little more to make me care. Honestly I'd be fine being the last man alive.
1 Cor 14:34-35.
@samwise
Was about to address some of the problems you mention - and thought better - will just say that “all the foundations of the earth are shaken” (from PS 82, key access point to the rabbit hole, and more pregnant than “Octamom” - with meaning).
But here we are, cut off, surrounded, and drowning in well-meaning bullshit. While I am saddened by some of the comments in this thread, by folks who have seemingly abandoned comraderie and given up on true brotherly love, I am not unsympathetic. The culture has fashioned for us too many masks.
But don’t give up, while not the fullness of what you seek, just knowing others are with you is encouraging, and you wouldn’t have the desire for more of more weren’t the intended goal for you.
@olkofri - indeed, we’ve come a long way from the truth.
Was about to address some of the problems you mention - and thought better - will just say that “all the foundations of the earth are shaken” (from PS 82, key access point to the rabbit hole, and more pregnant than “Octamom” - with meaning).
But here we are, cut off, surrounded, and drowning in well-meaning bullshit. While I am saddened by some of the comments in this thread, by folks who have seemingly abandoned comraderie and given up on true brotherly love, I am not unsympathetic. The culture has fashioned for us too many masks.
But don’t give up, while not the fullness of what you seek, just knowing others are with you is encouraging, and you wouldn’t have the desire for more of more weren’t the intended goal for you.
@olkofri - indeed, we’ve come a long way from the truth.
I'm not gonna lie... I don't play well with others and my faith in humanity is growing exponentially lower by the day. This forum is almost all the "male dominated" socializing I can handle some days. 
I am a proud Mason and Master of my Lodge. Definitely what you say you are looking for. Interestingly a lot of the guys I know are more introverted but get what they need out of our meetings.