Barling 1656 - Can Anyone Narrow Down the Date/Era?

[jguss]

Geoff, already taken care of. I swung by the palace to shoot some pool with Liz and got her to affix her John Hancock to the following proclamation (parchment to follow):
ELIZABETH THE SECOND by the Grace of God of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland and of Our other Realms and Territories Queen Head of the Commonwealth Defender of the Faith To all Lords Spiritual and Temporal and all other Our Subjects whatsoever to whom these Presents shall come Greeting Know Ye that We of Our especial grace certain knowledge and mere motion do by these Presents advance create and prefer Our Jesse Silver to the state degree style dignity title and honour of THE BARD OF BARLINGS. And for Us Our heirs and successors do appoint give and grant unto him the said name state degree style dignity title and honour of Bard and by these Presents do dignify invest and ennoble him by girding him with a sword and putting a cap of honour and a coronet of gold on his head and by giving into his hand a rod of briar to have and to hold the said name state degree style dignity title and honour of Bard unto him and the heirs male of his body lawfully begotten and to be begotten. Willing and by these Presents granting for Us Our heirs and successors that he and his heirs male aforesaid and every of them successively may have hold and possess a seat place and voice in the Parliaments and Public Assemblies and Councils of Us Our heirs and successors within Our United Kingdom amongst the Bards And also that he and his heirs male (if they so identify) aforesaid successively may enjoy and use all the rights privileges pre-eminences immunities and advantages to the degree of a Bard duly and of right belonging which Bards of Our United Kingdom have heretofore used and enjoyed or as they do at present use and enjoy.

In Witness whereof We have caused these Our Letters to be made Patent.

WITNESS Ourself at Westminster the twenty fifth day of January in the year of Our Reign Two Thousand and Eighteen.

 

[georged]

Just... dayum.
8O

 

[sablebrush52]

Lord, that woman just prattles on and on...
I've been running into some problems with the whole thing. I thought that this would include a suit of armor, only to find out that it doesn't and even if it did, there isn't an armorer who could make a proper visor that would allow me to clench. And when I suggested an armored extension for the pipe, they just cackled hysterically and then hung up.
Apparently I get a lute. A freaking pansy ass lute. Oh, yeah, and breeches a tunic and a jerkin, and I'm not talking pickles here.
Anyway, I'm working on a heroic couplet, but my iambic pentameter is a bit rusty, so bear with me. I prithee thee.

 

[jguss]

No worries, I was able to clear it up with the armorer. It was a simple fix. He’s moving the codpiece, which he told me was essentially a waste of metal in your case, up to the chin. Bingo, instant pipe extension.

 

[huntertrw]

Most Excellent Bard:
Fear not, for this question of quaint costume needn't run into expense. Perpend rather this simular ruff as demonstrated on yon catkin:

 

[huntertrw]

Oh, yeah, and breeches a tunic and a jerkin...

Forget not thy merkin, too.

 

[georged]

Jesse's new required outfit looks like it will be hot in summer AND cold in winter... that new Bard gig ain't gonna be easy. :lol:
.

 

[sablebrush52]

Ye gods and little fishes! Can't a plebian get a break around here?

No worries, I was able to clear it up with the armorer. It was a simple fix. He’s moving the codpiece, which he told me was essentially a waste of metal in your case, up to the chin. Bingo, instant pipe extension.

Interesting. Jon, that armorer made the same observation about your helmet.

 

[brian64]

Anyway, I'm working on a heroic couplet, but my iambic pentameter is a bit rusty, so bear with me. I prithee thee.

:clap:
It can only be a Bard in a jerkin speaking that.

 

[huntertrw]

Ye gods and little fishes! Can't a plebian get a break around here?

Such are the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune...

 

[jguss]

Interesting. Jon, that armorer made the same observation about your helmet.

Yes, I know. The insolent knave suggested I have the Court Thimbler make my helmut. I'd resent that if I understood what he meant.
More generally speaking, have you thought through the logistical complexities of your new position?
To begin with, you're going to need to change the name on your driver's license, passport, bank account, utilities, home and auto insurance, and credit cards.
Which leads to the next point. You'll have to decide exactly how you wish to be addressed by everyone from your girlfriend to your proctologist (or are they the same person?). Will you prefer Lord Barling? His Bardship? A simple, unassuming Lord Jesse? Or the unpretentious and egalitarian Sir?
You're going to need to get comfortable with standard etiquette. People who enter the room will need to bow deeply, step forward six paces, bow more deeply still, and finally crawl on their hands and knees to the base of your throne. You might scatter broken glass in that part of the room to make your entourage's devotion more apparent. Other standard procedures: no one will be allowed to turn their back on you while departing from your Presence. In conversation only you will be allowed to initiate; others will be limited to brief, and deferential replies. Do me the kindness of letting me know how that last part goes down with your family.
You'll also need to incur some additional expenses; a trivial offset to the honour involved. Valet, butler, chauffeur, cook, housekeeper, maids, landscaper, gardeners and mistresses are all obvious. In a pinch some of those could be doubled up; I leave which to your imagination and taste. And speaking of which, a food and tobacco taster will be sad necessities. If your manor runs to a library you'll need someone to catalogue, and someone else to maintain, the collection.
If I were you I'd start thinking about hitting up Liz for some kind of sinecure to fund your position. After all, if you're not able to keep up the dignity of your office it will only reflect poorly on her. She's had enough bad press; I think she'd cough up almost anything to keep you out of the tabloids.

 

[jpmcwjr]

Royalty, too! I kinda like The Baron of Barling, but the die has been cast....
Just thought you should know, Jesse, when Her Majesty lays it on you and you schmooze with her grand and great grandkids....

Address the peer's children by courtesy titles. This can get slightly complicated, so look up the exact scenario below:[19]

Address the son of a duke or marquess as "Lord" followed by the first name.

Address to the daughter of a duke, marquess, or earl as "Lady" followed by the first name.

If you will be meeting a peer's heir apparent (generally the eldest son), look up his title. He will often use a secondary title of his father's, which is always of a lower rank.

In all other cases, the child has no special title. ("The Hon." is used only in writing.)

 

[ssjones]

I can't wait to see the backstory in Season 3 of The Crown. I'll assume the rumors true about you and Margaret (that episode aptly titled "The Pipeman").

 

[jpmcwjr]

I agree with thimble-helmet's warnings and advice, short of the glass on the floor. That went out in 1639 when good King Richard-Dick couldn't find a golf partner as all his subjects' hands were bleeding and sharded.
Otherwise, good health to you, Sir, and to your armorer: Shut thy face!! An armorer never reveals his client's shortcomings.

 

[sablebrush52]

OK so let me get this straight. Servants, hangers on, glass shards, crawling on hands, Sir, tea with HRM but I have to chip in for the scones, mistresses, my family shuts up (hell will be long frozen before THAT happens), and I have a buttload of protocols to master. Got it.
Jeez, this gets worse by the minute. Well, not the bit about the mistresses, but the rest of it. I've made an appointment with Liz to discuss all of this and I might start with one of the residences at Buckingham, you know, start small and stay humble. All of this could cost a pretty penny, so I'll need to get that stipend. Maybe if I suggest a lower grade lute, I can work that into the bargain. Or I can melt down the coronet. Decisions, decisions.
You guys haven't hear me sing, have you? You're not in for a treat.

 

[huntertrw]

Most Excellent Bard:
All in all things could be much worse. You could have been dubbed Baron of Gray Matter!

...and a coronet of gold on his head...

As for melting down the coronet, Her Majesty would not be amused. If I read corretly the excerpt above from the Royal Warrant you are supposed to wear it on your head in the manner of a hat or crown. The upside is that it will be extremely handy in the event that she commands you to entertain her courtiers with music. By the way, do you play?

 

[sablebrush52]

Most Excellent Bard:
All in all things could be much worse. You could have been dubbed Baron of Gray Matter!
As for melting down the coronet, Her Majesty would not be amused. If I read the Royal Warrant (see above) correctly you are supposed to wear it on your head in the manner of a hat or crown. The upside is that it will be extremely handy in the event that she commands you to entertain her courtiers with music. By the way, do you play?

I suppose it could be worse. I could have been made Baron of beef. There's enough beefing going around as it is.
A coronet is a crown? Damn, I thought is was that weird sounding horn that Satchmo or Beiderbecke used to play. I figured no one would mind if I melted down one of those. Do you know if coronets come in sizes? I wear, depending on the maker, either a size 7 3/4 thru size 8. Wouldn't do to have it bobbling around on my head.
I played piano for many years, though not much since my pinched nerve issue. When I was in college I used to play at the local pizza parlor. The brothels weren't hiring pianists. Besides, I don't know how well a medley of ragtime or stride would go over at a Royal Gala. I've never played the coronet. Do you press on the jewels to get different notes? Maybe I could learn to play the bouzouki, or is that some kind of kabob?
If Liz ever asks me to sing I'm a gone swan.

 

[huntertrw]

You guys haven't hear me sing, have you? You're not in for a treat.

This brings to mind the following old chestnut:
Man Number One: "By the way, do you sing?"
Man Number Two: "Those who have heard me say that I do not."

 

[huntertrw]

A coronet is a crown?

No, a coronet is a musical instrument. Methinks the water is getting deeper for you by the minuet!

 

[voorhees]

Spectacular title. Well deserved.