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mortonbriar

Lifer
Oct 25, 2013
2,811
6,133
New Zealand
Replying to your signature quote: The pessimist sees the glass half empty; The optimist sees the glass half full; the pragmatist adds ice and two fingers of whiskey and says 'Cheers!' ...
The realist just sees a glass with something in it.
This guy refuses to be lumped into any box ending in 'ist'.....(except the annual 'Pisst' box)
 

hauntedmyst

Lifer
Feb 1, 2010
4,012
20,786
Chicago
Laughing at farts. For example, this happened 40 years ago and it still makes me laugh.

When were younger, we went to a church in our neighborhood. It was one of those 50's/60's expansion suburbs where they built them fast, had 4 basic layouts of houses with the only variations being different colors of a aluminum siding and brick to try and make it look like there was more variety. The church had an oddity about it - it was built acoustically backwards. You would think by the late 1950s when the church was built, the architects would have known better but apparently, they didn’t. When you walked into the main entrance, the ceiling was a normal height at about 9 feet. As you walked up towards the front altar, the ceiling rose shooting upwards to about 20 to 30 feet. Sound works better in rooms that are built the exact opposite way. Anyways, one weekend when we were in high school, we arrived at church late. We managed to get a seat in the very last row of pews. Sitting in order, it was my mom, then my brother, then my sister and then me. We were in the standup portion of the service (or what I call Catholic calisthenics) where the priest says, “Peace be with you.” and the congregation says, “And also with you!” and then there is a moment of silence. It was in that moment of silence when my brother ripped what can only be described as one splendiferous, hearty biscuit of a fart. A fart that bounced off the back wall and reverberated throughout the whole church. Loudly. Naturally, people turned around to see who did it or what it was. I turned to see who did it and saw Jimmy and Cathy trying to hold in the laughter so hard their bodies were vibrating. So I started trying not to laugh and now all three of us were convulsing like Dairy Queen shake machines. Naturally, this positively mortified my normally poised, mannerly mother who stood their in her Sunday best trying not to acknowledge it but her cheeks betrayed her by turning crimson with embarrassment. Mom didn’t know what else to do, so she waited until people turned back around and then smacked Jimmy on the back of the head, which just set us off again. It really was one of the most epic, perfectly timed kid farts ever. It may have been worthy of a worlds “top 10” fart spot.