A Sad Post

[weezell]

but at this point it's not in the cards and probably never will be.

Cut your losses and move on Brother...

 

[Effortlessdepths]

Cut your losses and move on Brother...

I'm trying, and I know I need to. It's just hard when you've been together for 10 years, and there's been so much misunderstanding, and we were so close to working through our problems. I loved her so deeply. I know anyone would say that, but I put everything I could into us. I hope she can realize what she's lost, and that she could have had what she needed of me. I tell you what though, I definitely deserve better than this. The next woman I find, if I find one, will have a wiser soul.

 

[anotherbob]

honestly I doubt there was fixing anything. People are what they are. Not that they can't improve but not just because someone else might be happier being with them. It's one of those things it's got to be self motivated. And if that's not what someone wants to do then it's just a matter of not be compatible. People are people and you can't ala carte them pick the things that work and fix the things that don't. It's kind of an as I am thing. I don't know the situation but the idea of if onlys is often more fantasy then reality.

 

[Akousticplyr]

Neil Peart (of the band Rush) had a wonderful saying that I've always taken to heart-

"Everyday I think 'what is the most excellent thing I can do today?' ... and then I go do it."

So, what's the most excellent thing you can do for yourself tomorrow? Give it a go!

 

[Effortlessdepths]

honestly I doubt there was fixing anything. People are what they are. Not that they can't improve but not just because someone else might be happier being with them. It's one of those things it's got to be self motivated. And if that's not what someone wants to do then it's just a matter of not be compatible. People are people and you can't ala carte them pick the things that work and fix the things that don't. It's kind of an as I am thing. I don't know the situation but the idea of if onlys is often more fantasy then reality.

I hear you. I believe people are meant to grow, and a marriage is the best place to do that. Because loving someone isn't enough to live with them, you have to work and change. It's an exchange, a compromise. You both grow and change for the other person, in the good ways, and one hand washes the other so to speak. Both people get something greater than if they were alone. My wife was always on the verge of embracing that, and would go through periods of being really open, and so she was was self motivated. But she would always fall back. It was a long timeline of that, where if things were so obviously not going to work, I would have left, but she inadvertently strung me along. And trust me, I love the core of who she is, and there is so much I would never want her to change, and plenty that I did want her to change but just accepted.

She went through some pretty serious childhood trauma, something I've tried to help her with for years, but in the end she hurt me because of that, and while I've been going through health issues. It all ended so badly, when we were so close. We were always compatible, but compatibility can't stand in the face of unresolved traumas. And no one can change the past, but those If Onlys are what help you forge a better future. Even if it's with someone else.

 

[anotherbob]

I hear you. I believe people are meant to grow, and a marriage is the best place to do that. Because loving someone isn't enough to live with them, you have to work and change. It's an exchange, a compromise. You both grow and change for the other person, in the good ways, and one hand washes the other so to speak. Both people get something greater than if they were alone. My wife was always on the verge of embracing that, and would go through periods of being really open, and so she was was self motivated. But she would always fall back. It was a long timeline of that, where if things were so obviously not going to work, I would have left, but she inadvertently strung me along. And trust me, I love the core of who she is, and there is so much I would never want her to change, and plenty that I did want her to change but just accepted.

She went through some pretty serious childhood trauma, something I've tried to help her with for years, but in the end she hurt me because of that, and while I've been going through health issues. It all ended so badly, when we were so close. We were always compatible, but compatibility can't stand in the face of unresolved traumas. And no one can change the past, but those If Onlys are what help you forge a better future. Even if it's with someone else.

love is complicated And living with someone is extra complicated.

 

[Effortlessdepths]

love is complicated And living with someone is extra complicated.

Truer words have never been spoken.

 

[python]

I think this one has run its course.