A Sad Post

[Charlie718]

I thought I made it clear above that she gave up on our marriage, and when someone asked for clarification, I said she left. She is not dead, thank God. If I didn't make that clear enough, I apologize. I am hurting right now and not getting much sleep so I make mistakes like anyone else. I didn't mention why she left because it's a long story and this is simply a forum for pipe smokers and I felt it was self evident that marriages fail for many reasons. I tried my very best and worked harder at my marriage than anything else in my life for 10 years, and we almost broke through our issues to a better place, but while I battled health problems she secretly withdrew and had an emotional (but not physical) affair, which she regretted, and after we both started reconciling and getting help, she couldn't bear her guilt and gave up on our marriage. So that's what happened in a tiny nutshell.

Believe me, the taste of my tobacco really is the least of my worries, and if you knew me, you would understand that. The only reason I mentioned it was because I needed some kind of segue for my lonely act of reaching out in my pain and sadness on a pipe smokers forum. Maybe it's not appropriate here, maybe it is, all I know is most people who smoke pipes have a sensibility about them, and I just needed some support. Getting support from friends, family, and a professional are different (I have access to all of these, including a professional, and am leaning on all of them) but there is something about reaching out to complete strangers and seeing the support. It's very moving and it has helped me. Like I said, maybe it wasn't appropriate, but I thank you all anyway. I am sorry if my story brought up pain for anyone.

I feel you have nothing to apologize for man. I thought it was a great way to reach out to the community without you having to go through the details and relive the experience. You showed a strength by reaching out and I respect that!

 

[Charlie718]

To touch on some of the more recent posts:
True strength is being able to show weakness. We all have it and only the insecure try and hide it, key word is try because they never succeed.

 

[olkofri]

To touch on some of the more recent posts:
True strength is being able to show weakness. We all have it and only the insecure try and hide it, key word is try because they never succeed.

Yep. I've said for a long time that real men do cry: it takes courage for a man to cry in public.

That is not to say that I encourage real men to remain sitting down, for crying, like all things, has its season (Eccles 3).

 

[Effortlessdepths]

I feel you have nothing to apologize for man. I thought it was a great way to reach out to the community without you having to go through the details and relive the experience. You showed a strength by reaching out and I respect that!

Thank you

 

[Effortlessdepths]

Yep. I've said for a long time that real men do cry: it takes courage for a man to cry in public.

That is not to say that I encourage real men to remain sitting down, for crying, like all things, has its season (Eccles 3).

I am a health professional (though not a psychotherapist or anything of that nature) and so I'm familiar with the need to release emotion, at the right times. There's definitely a time and place, but holding it in is toxic and actually causes physiological problems. I am not afraid to cry, and have done so quite a bit over the past while, but it only ever helps temporarily it seems. We were so close, that's the hardest part. She knows it too. I'm 6 years older than her, and though I've learned a lot from her in a way, I basically taught her everything she knows about what healthy love can be. But in the end she just didn't feel deserving of me, and now someone else will benefit from what I taught her. The Pearl Jam song "Black" perfectly expresses how I feel.

 

[frozenchurchwarden]

"Living Well Is The Best Revenge"
Get through the grieving ASAP and build yourself a better life.

 

[STP]

^^^ Good advice. I wish you well ?

 

[mso489]

I had a salty old friend who was a retired General Practitioner. He was very blunt about depression. He said it is a life-threatening illness and to get it treated. I was not the subject of this discussion; so far in life I've been durable, but I took his point absolutely. A primary care doc could give you an anti-depressant and monitor your wellbeing. Don't crap around and get in an accident or worse. One sure symptom of depression is not enjoying things you usually enjoy -- food, sex, whatever. So take Doc Thompson's word for it and get medical attention. Doc Thompson was also a huge fan of the novel Moby Dick and gave me a hardback edition I still have, noting that if you don't do it as assigned reading, it is very funny.

 

[jpberg]

The good Lord gave you everything you need to deal with this.
And a personal aside- after the second divorce it gets easier.

 

[Epip Oc'Cabot]

No. Not going to give you a pass on this one. This one is too strange - he needs to man up and get real, take a break, assess and snap out of it. She isn't dead - and he's alive and well. He'll get over it and will heal.

In my opinion..... the OP *is* getting “real”, “taking a break” and “assessing” his situation...... BY TALKING ABOUT IT. His process in doing so may be different from your own..... but that does not mean his is not an appropriate one for him.

Again, IMO, the OP is beginning his journey towards acceptance and healing of this new change in his life that has been thrust upon him (he did not decide to leave.... his wife decided to leave).

I wish the OP success in learning to deal
With this loss. I suspect that given some time and further rumination about what happened and how to now proceed.... he will find a successful way to cope for him.

 

[jpberg]

I almost died - this year. Life is for strength not festerin, wallowing and rumination my freind he'll survive! viva la vida
someone needs to break out the dsm or a book by Freud - Jung would be cracking up as am I

You’re kinda pooping on this thread. Not cool, helpful, or necessary.

 

[Charlie718]

I almost died - this year. Life is for strength not festerin, wallowing and rumination my freind he'll survive! viva la vida
someone needs to break out the dsm or a book by Freud - Jung would be cracking up as am I

I’ve been through both rough break ups and near death situations. The later gives you a new lease on life feeling which is the exact opposite of what the OP is going through. I’d say your way off and aren’t relating.

 

[Charlie718]

personal matters need to be dealt with in closed rooms between the two parties - or with a therapist - not on a public forum

SMH I don’t see anyone trying to reconcile just talk and get off of there chest.
And if it bothers you so much why don’t you take the mature route and just not participate in this thread? Of course like you said this is public and your allowed to but we are entitled to our opinions as well.

 

[Charlie718]

I did edit my latest post, not trying to sneak in anything

 

[jpberg]

I know I am - I couldn't care less - words aren't harmful - like liars like to promulgate
this thread got me - I don't like this - I'm entitled to my opinion
He's a 'healthcare' professional - he'll either ignore my venom or take it as advice

Not a matter of being entitled to anything. Just bad form, man. Seriously.
You may be impervious to whatever, but this thread is not about you at all, nor should it be about shitting on the OP.

 

[pantsBoots]

I am going through a sad time right now, sad being a tremendous understatement. My wife of 10 years has given up on us, and I am beside myself.

Literally every bowl of tobacco tastes like shite, without exception. Even Windjammer. I guess I shouldn't be surprised, but has anyone ever experienced anything like this?

Been a long time, but had a girlfriend of 6 years break up with me by going out to a music festival and coming back a week late. I found out a day after her return that she was banging a bunch of dudes at the festival. Needless to say, I was devastated. I couldn't eat or sleep well for weeks. Nothing tasted right and even get crocked with my buddies had lost its luster. After a few weeks, I started returning to normal and within a few months, I was mostly myself again. The emotional wounds healed a couple years after that.

Hang in there, find what enjoyment that you can and, hey, peer into the future: you will come out the other side and will meet another woman even better suited to you. Those things about your wife that annoyed you? Gone. The most important thing is picking up the pieces, making sound decisions about your future, and waiting for it to all pass. This too shall pass.

 

[BrokenRecord]

personal matters need to be dealt with in closed rooms between the two parties - or with a therapist - not on a public fo

personal matters need to be dealt with in closed rooms between the two parties - or with a therapist - not on a public forum

Kind of like how you didn't.

I know I am - I couldn't care less - words aren't harmful - like liars like to promulgate
this thread got me - I don't like this - I'm entitled to my opinion
He's a 'healthcare' professional - he'll either ignore my venom or take it as advice

Y is a reason why there

it's a pipeand tobacco enthusiast forum- there are plenty of emotional sites- he may smoke a pipe but he's making it like a loved one died!

Please shut the fuck up.

 

[jpberg]

it's a pipeand tobacco enthusiast forum- there are plenty of emotional sites- he may smoke a pipe but he's making it like a loved one died!

You really want to go, don’t you.
I wonder what shameful wound your tough guy internet manly man persona is not covering up very well...

 

[jpberg]

Kind of like how you didn't.

Y is a reason why there

Please shut the fuck up.

Well, the thread is shot to hell now, we can commiserate with, and give best wishes to the op, and I guess realize that ol’ sloopy is a tone deaf jackoff who just alienated everyone who will read this thread. Have fun with it sloopy. Not like it’ll come back to haunt you or anything.

 

[smudgersmissingleg]

Keep your chin up old son?, and remember “This too shall pass.”