Yes I have found mood as a huge impact on the enjoyment of flavors. That goes for food and drink as well.
A Sad Post
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Do whatever you need to get through this. It will be with you for the rest of your life. Talk to someone is the best advice I can give you. And you will be amazed to find that in time you will find another person who will fill the hole she left.
Not being able to enjoy things that you love is understandable. Some of us here have dealt with similar blows.
Such events and experiences in life shape us, whether to our will or not, and we are forever marked by them. But we move on in time as the winds move around us.
Grief is necessary, so don't be shy to seek counsel with someone who can help you through the process. Do whatever you can and eventually, you'll be able to look forward again. One step at a time.
Such events and experiences in life shape us, whether to our will or not, and we are forever marked by them. But we move on in time as the winds move around us.
Grief is necessary, so don't be shy to seek counsel with someone who can help you through the process. Do whatever you can and eventually, you'll be able to look forward again. One step at a time.
Wrote a response with my usual sensibility. But not sure how the situation is. So, here is a sensible suggestion. Don't act rash. Monitor and see how it plays out. She might come back, or she might go after everything you've got. It's not a time to let your guard down.
@Sloopjohnbee Surely you must recognize that humans all deal with loss, grief and hurt in different ways. When you turn to something that is normally a comfort and find that it’s turned to something lifeless and barren, it’s normal to feel even more loss. Back off. You don’t need to believe, empathize or sympathize, but for the love of pipes, no need to drag the guy down further. His situation is certainly not unique. Many of us have been there in one way or another. If you have no kind words to add then stay silent.
You are not alone. Even though it seems like you are. I've been there. 20 years ago after 20 years of marriage.
It was a huge blow to my ego, my manhood, my sense of authority, my upbringing. Of course I thought that men were not supposed to feel that way and that only women were devastated when the man leaves....... My bad. No one will quite understand what you are going through. At least that's what it will seem like.
I felt like nothing could be worse.
Left while I was working out of state. She called me, told me she was leaving and I came home to a partially empty house. She didn't take it all.... she left me with the house, cars, pets and half the bank account. It was a huge struggle to keep my finger off the trigger and barrel out of my mouth.
That's when I started my current business. I just needed something to occupy my rampant energy and some sort of "start over". When all was said and done, she came back a year later. It ends up that all that ego, manhood and sense of authority is what made her leave so I had to do some reevaluating about what was important to me and what kind of a-hole I had turned into. Once I started going to a pro about MY problems, I proved that I was not the selfish, egotistical a-hole that I seemed to be, she came back without me even asking. But I had to prove myself for about a year.
We've been inseparable ever since.
Give it time. ? Stay busy.
Sorry for your pain and loss. Comfort may surprise you when it comes. And I hope you get some--a smile noticed, a nod from a passing stranger, even the vivid colored hue of a blue bird that can be stunning. In my pain, I've been moved to tears of joy at some small surprising moment of comfort. I'm glad you shared. It shows hope. I believe hope is one of the three "biggies" on this brief
journey we all share to the next step.
kindly
mike
p.s. An aside, I still recall many decades ago a personal moment of such surprise. After many weeks of difficulty and pain, I quietly sat on my wooden foot locker and found the corners of my mouth turning up in a heart-felt smile. Those facial muscles had not moved in that way for many weeks, perhaps 8 or so. I felt the change and was embarrassed as tears began flowing down my cheeks and I quickly wiped them away (not the place and time). I was overwhelming surprised by joy (to borrow a phrase). Joy is another "biggie" and such a treasure. I learn that more, for me, by going through those valleys where it's not so evident. Dear Friend, I can't imagine the contours of pain your going through--never been there and it's sounds to me like a real horror story! So sorry! I'm saying a, "Hail Mary, . . . . " for you and for her.
journey we all share to the next step.
kindly
mike
p.s. An aside, I still recall many decades ago a personal moment of such surprise. After many weeks of difficulty and pain, I quietly sat on my wooden foot locker and found the corners of my mouth turning up in a heart-felt smile. Those facial muscles had not moved in that way for many weeks, perhaps 8 or so. I felt the change and was embarrassed as tears began flowing down my cheeks and I quickly wiped them away (not the place and time). I was overwhelming surprised by joy (to borrow a phrase). Joy is another "biggie" and such a treasure. I learn that more, for me, by going through those valleys where it's not so evident. Dear Friend, I can't imagine the contours of pain your going through--never been there and it's sounds to me like a real horror story! So sorry! I'm saying a, "Hail Mary, . . . . " for you and for her.
I'm kind of the opposite. If I have a bad tobacco day and it tastes really bad, I become very difficult to get along with.
In all seriousness, having your most serious relationship come to an end may be the second worst thing one can go through in life with losing a child probably the worst. I'm not a psychiatrist but I think the first step is to accept it and move on with life. I know, lots easier said than done.
I also think this is a time to reach out to the people in your life that care for you, family and friends. Accept their caring and love and give it back. Don't let your injured feelings shut down your heart but instead, open up to other people at a time when you probably feel more like shutting down.
My best wishes for you and hopes that life gets better for you soon.
In all seriousness, having your most serious relationship come to an end may be the second worst thing one can go through in life with losing a child probably the worst. I'm not a psychiatrist but I think the first step is to accept it and move on with life. I know, lots easier said than done.
I also think this is a time to reach out to the people in your life that care for you, family and friends. Accept their caring and love and give it back. Don't let your injured feelings shut down your heart but instead, open up to other people at a time when you probably feel more like shutting down.
My best wishes for you and hopes that life gets better for you soon.
1000% with you there. Some years ago in Greece a guy stopped on the shoulder of the motorway to go to a roadside toilet, then a wanker rich guy lost control of his Porsche and hit their parked car going 180km/h, with the guy's wife and two kids inside. It all turned into a massive fireball. I'd have killed myself. Other than that, more or less everything is replaceable.
Awful time. Had my own experiences in this vein. Sounds cliched but one step at a time. Sending love brother.
I thought I made it clear above that she gave up on our marriage, and when someone asked for clarification, I said she left. She is not dead, thank God. If I didn't make that clear enough, I apologize. I am hurting right now and not getting much sleep so I make mistakes like anyone else. I didn't mention why she left because it's a long story and this is simply a forum for pipe smokers and I felt it was self evident that marriages fail for many reasons. I tried my very best and worked harder at my marriage than anything else in my life for 10 years, and we almost broke through our issues to a better place, but while I battled health problems she secretly withdrew and had an emotional (but not physical) affair, which she regretted, and after we both started reconciling and getting help, she couldn't bear her guilt and gave up on our marriage. So that's what happened in a tiny nutshell.
Believe me, the taste of my tobacco really is the least of my worries, and if you knew me, you would understand that. The only reason I mentioned it was because I needed some kind of segue for my lonely act of reaching out in my pain and sadness on a pipe smokers forum. Maybe it's not appropriate here, maybe it is, all I know is most people who smoke pipes have a sensibility about them, and I just needed some support. Getting support from friends, family, and a professional are different (I have access to all of these, including a professional, and am leaning on all of them) but there is something about reaching out to complete strangers and seeing the support. It's very moving and it has helped me. Like I said, maybe it wasn't appropriate, but I thank you all anyway. I am sorry if my story brought up pain for anyone.
Ah people process this stuff at their own time in their own way. And these things are usually complicated. The idea of blame typically seems misplaced. The idea of things either could have done better seems like a chance to grow as a person. There are usually many ins and outs and also many things that are just essential to a person (essential in this case meaning an intrinsic part of their make up and personality an immutable at least at this point in time). It's sad it happens and when it's someone else it's easy to see the pointlessness of getting sad, except it's a big deal this kind of thing changes almost every aspect of life for a person. For example one thing I know is if I lost my love I'd also lose the way I watch movies and having someone to discuss them in a way that no one else could with me. Dude will move on and heal however he does it can't be forced only facilitated. Or at least that's what I think.
Unless you've walked a mile in the man's shoes, show a little sympathy and respect. Your insensitivity toward your fellow man is very disturbing.
Here is some small advice. Do something you couldn't do when with her. Big or small. It could be going on that trip she didn't want to take. Or it could be taking a bubble bath while smoking your stinkiest blend. The point is it won't out weigh the sadness but it will turn it a little bit more to the positive.
If it doesn't sound good ignore it.
If it doesn't sound good ignore it.
Nay, man. I think the OP is going through such hell that he had to find a means to express the intensity of it and used tobacco. I'm not berating you, as I'm quick to make assumptions too, but I've been in deep heartache myself and I know that depression makes everything that is wonderful drab and lifeless.
After so many years on online forums, I've learnt that quick-written posts that do not conform to grammar or academic language coherence can be a sign of emotional pain. When those posts contain lots of typos, most likely the person is typing under the influence of alcohol.
C
Corcoran-Rooney
Guest
You need to listen to yourself. You are behaving like a complete dinosaur, and are coming across as deeply cruel and insensitive. And for what? You must know your words are not going to help this poor man. So why do it? Do you think anyone is convinced by your macho postering? You need a hit from the peace-pipe my man.
My wife called it quits last June after 13 years. The pain has nearly destroyed me and I have yet to find enjoyment in life other than continuing in the mundanity of life, which includes pipe tobacco. The only thing that has kept me going is my lil kiddo and having moments of self-compassion—knowing that my feelings of emptiness are warranted and probably won't last forever.
I feel your pain. I've been watching a lot of Matthew Hussey and The School of Life on YouTube and I wish I would have done it a year ago, or my marriage would be in a much healthier place.
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