Young Pipe Smoker - Parents?

[ozziepiper]

Hi Everyone,
I'm looking at taking up pipe smoking in the next month or so. I've been really interested in it for about a year and have been watching all the youtube pipers which has been extremely helpful and enjoyable. I'm a 19 year old architecture student from Tasmania, Australia. Bear with me, it's a long post. Just the story of my journey to pipes and a question at the end.
Well I recently moved to a different city about 200km away for university so now I have the freedom to do what I want. I recently found out that (after my interest in pipes started) my grandfather had been an avid pipe smoker when my Dad was a kid but he gave it up at some point so I've never seen him smoked, only seen a few awesome pipes sitting unused on his shelf.
My Dad was a cigarette smoker for around 20 years and eventually gave it up when I was about 12, although I never knew he smoked because he didn't do it when I was around and never smelt of tobacco. I did notice the gum and patches though, but I never really realised what they were for. Once I got older he talked to me about it and how hard it was to quit and told me to never ever smoke.
Well I had a firm anti-smoking stance for years but over time that evolved and changed. Being around the occasional family relation that smoked cigarettes, I got used to the smell and started to like tobacco smoke, as much as cigs are gross. After a few years I thought about trying a cigarette just once to at least have had one once. Before this happened my father told me that he had once shared a cigar in celebration of my birth with a friend and that got me thinking about cigars so I did some reading. I really liked the idea of not inhaling and lack of addiction if you don't inhale.
Well I found out shortly after that a friend of mine had started smoking cigars so we took a trip to the local tobacconist and picked out the cheapest full sized cigar we could get. A La Paz Corona for $7, which just shows how ridiculously expensive tobacco is in Australia (most decent cigars are over $20). I loved it so much and decided I'd keep on with it. At a friend's birthday a few months later the same friend brought with him some gigantic Royal Jamaica cigars so we sat outside for almost two hours enjoying those and chatting. I also smoke cigarillos on and off, which I enjoy.
At this point I realised this was going to be far too expensive for me to enjoy regularly. I had a friend who's Dad smokes a pipe and so I talked to him about it. It was now I discovered pipes on youtube and my attention was captured.
Well now that I've moved out of home I've decided to finally get some pipes. They are so damn expensive here and so is the tobacco (on average about $50 for a 2oz tin), not to mention they are almost impossible to find in Australia, even online. I've decided to buy off the net from the US and decided on a Savenelli, Bjarne and Missouri Meerschaum. Since I've had some experience with cigars I've decided to go for more English tobacco like Samual Gawith's Squadron Leader and McClelland's Frog Morton.
I spend about half of the week in my home city and the other half studying away. I'd like to smoke at home but I'm not sure if I should tell my parents that I want to smoke a pipe. I know my Dad is a huge anti-tobacco guy now that he's quit and I think he would be extremely disappointed in me. Then again, he may see how I don't get addicted and limit my use due to the different habits. My parents cover all my living and studying expenses and I know they wouldn't stop that if I started smoking, but I don't really want to get 'in the bad books' so to speak. What advice do you guys have? I wouldn't be smoking indoors so it's not like I'd stink out their house. I'm sure they'll find out at some point anyway but is it worth telling them and asking if I can smoke at home? I'm sure they'll get over it quickly but I don't want to upset them or get them angry. I would describe our relationship as about as good as a parent-child relationship can be, we get on extremely well. Sometime my Dad seems like more of a friend than a father, until I step out of line that is :P
Any advice would be very appreciated. Once again, sorry for the long post.
OzziePiper

 

[jankomatic]

Calmly explain the differences in cigarette tobacco and pipe tobacco. While smoking a pipe isn't the perfectly healthy, it isn't like smoking cigarettes. Appeal to their intelligence.

 

[winton]

Since they are still supporting you, they have a huge influnce on you behavior. I agree with the others that honesty is the best policy. If they are concerned about the addiction issue, suggest that you stop smoking for a month. Obviously, if you can drop the habit for a month, you are not addicted. But, you might find that tobacco has a stronger attraction than you initially believe.
Winton

 

[papipeguy]

I started pipe smoking at 18. My parents were aware but not overly pleased. They treated like a passing phase that all college men go through. Well, it didn't quite go that way. My father was a 2 pack a day guy who gave up the "sticks" in 1981 and , like many former smokers, abhors smoke. When I visit them, like today, I respect their home and smoke outside.

I guess my point is that I didn't hide it from them but respect them enough that even today at 59 years old I don't subject them to my habit. We have a peaceful coexistance that works. That and the fact that I pretty much do as I please; But I've earned that privelege.

 

[fullbent]

Honesty is the best policy! You have made some good decisions on pipes and tobacco. since you like Cigars may I recommend C&D's Billy Bud, a great cigar leaf blend. Good luck on your quest!
Took the words right out of my mouth baskerville

 

[krgulick]

Indeed, I agree with the others in that honesty is the best route to go. If you explain it to them straight away, instead of hiding it, it will somewhat make it easier on them and you in the end. I second the suggestions on the tobacco choices above my post. Good luck with this. Hope to see your posts as to how things turn out for you.

 

[ssjones]

Hmm, different opinion here. I have two daughters, both recently graduated from college and living away from home. I know they are adults, but there are some things that I would rather not know they are doing versus sharing. This might be a good example. The oldest started smoking cigarettes in college, than quit, than recently started again. I'm not a fan, but she's an adult and who am I to point fingers. She doesn't smoke around me, which is appreciated. Given your fathers history, this is one thing you might want to not lie about, but not share either, until you get older (ie: graduate from college, be self-supporting). They worry about you anyway, with school, living away from home, etc. Why add one more worry? (and in this case needless, unless your cash is tight) Given your fathers's history, I doubt he'll understand "its not really bad for you like cigarettes". Non-smokers just assume all smoking is the same. Trying to convince pipe smoking is not harmful will probably cause more angst for him than peace of mind. Just one suggestion from a father who has been there.

 

[jcsoldit]

I'm a father of four and just happen to have a son in college your age. I don't want or need to know everything he tries while away at school. As they say I've been there and done that literally myself when I was young and away from home.
But in this case you are considering taking up something you may enjoy for many years to come so I would suggest you be up front with your parents once you know pipe smoking is something you really enjoy and want to continue. Most of us parents get upset when our children do or try something we don't approve of, but we tend to get downright mad when not told the truth.

 

[ozziepiper]

Thanks for all the replies everyone. I'm definitely going to tell them, I agree honesty is the best policy. It might not be as soon as I get my pipes but I'll definitely do it sooner rather than later. I've never really done anything before that my parents would question, I'm not like most teenagers in that respect but I do think on this is an important issue they should know about.
They'll get over it quickly I think, within a week or two. It's just the initial conversation that will be hard, especially as this issue will seem to come out of the blue for them.
I've heard some great things about Billy Bud, I'll definitely give it a try.

 

[johnscs]

I'll just add my two cents' to the general consensus here: I wouldn't try to hide your fondness for tobacco or your decision to take up the pipe. Keeping your pipe hobby under wraps might require more effort than it's worth, and your discovery of the pleasures of the pipe is likely to be revealed eventually, anyway. In my opinion, much better to continue to act as a responsible adult and prepare for the consequences of a perfectly reasonable decision.
I'm not a parent, but I also struggled with the awkward decision to disclose my decision to smoke a pipe to my family. I was even a little younger than you. I think ssjones and JC have expressed a commonsense point of view: Parents of young adults probably don't want or need to know about every decision that their kids make (wise or unwise), and you have to remember that there should come a point when you're completely on your own and when your parents can't (or at least shouldn't) try to influence your lifestyle choices. Considering your age, apparent maturity, and the solid relationship you probably have with your parents, the disclosure conversation might not be as difficult or dramatic as you understandably imagine.
In my case, I worried a lot about when and how to reveal that I had started smoking pipes, and for a few years, I smoked my pipe in secret. Like you, I also lived on campus, quite a distance from home. That experience gave me the freedom to explore pipe smoking as an adult, a privilege that I appreciated. Getting comfortable smoking my pipe more openly at school led me to realize that it had been a little immature for me to smoke my pipes in secret when at home. The "conversation" that you're anticipating arrived unexpectedly for me - I hadn't quite rehearsed as well as I'd have liked. The outcome was generally positive, though: I had made a big deal out of an event that turned out to be anti-climactic, as far as my mother's anticipated objections were concerned. The same may occur for you, but if not, I think the advice that's been offered here should help you prepare as well as you can for disclosing your well-reasoned decision to enjoy pipe smoking in moderation.
Good luck with your parents and with your adventures as a pipe smoker!

 

[oldmanwinter]

Oz, I was in your position about sixteen years ago. My advice is this: If your folks are worthy of honor - honor them. If they have issues with your smoking, then either stop or talk with them and get it sorted.

/storytime

When I was eighteen, I bought a drug store filter pipe and a pouch of the Captain Black that my Father used to smoke and went at it. Initially, I would sneak around as well - after a year I realized that I wasn't really fooling much of anyone with that sh-t. I sat down with my Father one Sunday and spoke candidly to him about it. He'd quit years before...but he told me, "Well, I think it's a disgusting habit and I'm happy to be rid of it - but you're a grown man. If you want to smoke, that's on you - understand, I ain't payin' for it." I was surprised. I'd expected a lecture - even at nineteen. What I got was respect, because I approached him respectfully and didn't sneak about.

A few months later, I'd saved enough disposable income for a proper pipe and pouch, so I hit my local B&M, bought a nice briar and sat down with a group of shop-regulars three times my age to learn everything they'd teach me about pipes, tobacco and the related etiquette. I've smoked pipes ever since - my Mother even made of a gift of a tobacco jar one Christmas. They may not like it, but if you're respectful, determined and self-funded, they'll get past it.
Do watch your funds, seriously though. Pipe-lust can be a bitch on a student's wages...ask me how I know...
(Oh...and uh...Hi folks)

 

[pipetrucker]

I have a slightly different angle on this. Honesty is best, to be sure, but discretion is also valuable. I wouldn't try to hide it from them, but wouldn't necessarily bring it up with them either. If it comes up then explain it to them openly and honestly, otherwise let sleeping dogs lie.
No need to create an unnecessary rift in the family harmony.

 

[ace57]

Yes what pipetrucker said

 

[smoker]

Something no-one has mentioned and that is have you thought about tallking to yur dad about how he came to start smoking. Like everyone else here i agree honesty is best. I think by asking your dad how he started would be the way to open the discussion that your smoking a pipe.

 

[grouchy]

the tree knows its apples will fall and never far away. the tree hopes that it's apple will not bruse or be eaten by a horse. but the tree know that when the apple begins to grow into a tree that it will bear the likness of fruit unto its own.

 

[ozziepiper]

Well there have been a few developments guys. I decided that I should not try to hide this at all, my parents would only see that in a bad way. At the same time, however, I just could not bring myself to start the conversation with my Dad and I knew if I told him I wanted to smoke a pipe before I bought one he'd just say "no, you're not". End of story.
Because I couldn't bring myself to talk about it, I decided I'd force myself into it lol. I bought two pipes and a heap of accessories from smokingpipes.com a few weeks ago. I got a Savinelli Trevi rusticated billiard and a Peterson Aran bent billiard.
Well all this stuff arrived in the mail today so my Dad came into my room while I was on my computer. "What this smokingpipes business?". So I told him I bought some pipes. "What, like indian peace pipes?". "No, real briar pipes". "Oh ok. But what for?" I just couldn't bring myself to say that I wanted to smoke them. "I just think they're cool"
Well he was all interested and wanted me to unbox them in front of him and he inspected them and everything. His main comment was "well at least some of us have money to spend on stuff we don't need". He was surprisingly relaxed about it. Of course, I haven't told him yet that I intend to smoke them, he made it clear again that he didn't want me to do that. But he didn't confiscate them and he's comfortable with me having them.
I've decided that I'll just keep them for a few weeks/months until he's comfortable about the idea of me having a few pipes lying around. Sometime soon I'll tell him that I do want to smoke one on occasion, someday. The key words being occasionally and someday. Hopefully he'll get over that and then I can start smoking much more regularly.
I know all of this sounds stupid and possibly immature, but I just couldn't do it all in one go, it was just too hard. I think it's better to take it at a slower pace and let him get comfortable with each step, rather than disappointing him and having a huge arguement about it.

 

[thekiltedchaplain]

You should tell them that you've gotten a few girls pregnant, and will be dropping out of school shortly. Then when they're very upset, just say "I'm kidding, I've just decided to smoke a pipe every once in a while". They will be so relieved.

 

[maduroman]

as a father i say go with the chaplain's advice... :lol:

 

[ace57]

In a few days say Dad remember the pipes I got, well let's try one. He just might do the Dad and Son thing with You.

 

[grouchy]

dad already knows you smoke and is simply waiting for you to show good charactor and courage of the good honest man decisive in his decisions, good or bad, right or wrong and steadfast. respecting yourself enough to respect others. not just trying to hide and demonstrat half truths, he knows better and so will you. your dad most likely went through this in different guise and circumstances with your grandpa. he knows every trick in the book and has no doubts you will tell your sons the same thing. it's a father thing, you'll see. the type of father your father is that he wants; for you, in a good way, to be a better father to his grandsons. It's not his decision, and he knows that, its yours. a good father and mother both look back always in wonder if they were as good a parent as they wanted to be for you. that is their gift to you. cherish that, never forget. gotta say it again, the apple never falls far from the tree and thats a good thing. one day you will be that tree.