The Benefits of Having Children

[cosmicfolklore]

First off... I have 7 children in all, including two steps, and two fosters, and one that came to me at age 14... cough cough, long story. And, one grandbaby. But, In all of my kids, I never actually set out to have any kids on purpose, ha ha. Like about half of all men who get married, we just sort of wanted to do the "Right Thing" after making a whoops.

Anyways, I don't hate kids, but as I was talking to my two daughters closest to me recently, they asked me, "what is the benefit of having kids?"

At one time, they could be looked upon to take care of us in our old age, but that's bullshit these days. I don't really want one of my kids taking care of me anyways. I'll just pay a nurse if that comes about.

I understand that some women feel compelled to have kids, whether some genetic or hormonal voodoo, or that they just liked playing house as kids and one day want to dress and feed a little ankle biting shit themselves.

On my wife's reality series she watches I will occasionally hear men on there talking about really wanting a kid or kids. At first, I was like, that's just something a guy says to fuck some woman that wants a baby. Or, it was written in by a female script writer. I just have never ever in my life heard a man say that they want child. Men make babies out of ooopsies or they get married and feel family pressures to have kids.
And, in my 60's all of that old fashioned shit about family name and living on in our kids just seems like a bigger pile of bullshit.

With the cost of having and raising babies, why?
Maybe one of you guys were that type of guy who wanted to have kids... why and for what purpose? Tell us why you want a baby, or wanted to have a baby, and why.

 

[Kobold]

It’s good to a have a legacy and to pass traditions on. I myself wasn’t planning to have kids but after my father passed my priorities changed. I’m very glad we did. Sure they can be a pain at times. It’s also amazing to experience things with them like holidays or even mundane things. Everything is so new to them and exciting. Makes a jaded dickhead like myself look at things differently and with more appreciation. Having kids also gave me a greater appreciation of my father who raised both my sister and I. He suffered some heavy losses and kept being an amazing father.

 

[ziv]

I think for me the biggest thing was learning responsibility. The fact that a little human depends on me, and I must not fuck it up was a revelation.
Maybe, for some people having kids is not necessary to learn that, maybe they are a prominent figure in their community, church, or business; but for me it's my family.

PS Maybe learning responsibility is not the right way to put it. Maybe having that responsibility in my life is what's important for me.

 

[cosmicfolklore]

But, was there a point where you were just like, "I really want a baby?"

 

[Infantry23]

Usually on this forum I'm a silent observer, trying to glean wisdom from you sages! However, with 11 children, this thread is right up my alley.

I agree with everything @Kobold said, btw.

For me, I NEVER set out to have any children. My lovely wife and I are 44 with 11 children, 20yo to 2yo, and *possibly* still counting My wife and I are faithful Catholics who don't believe in contraception in any form. (Not making a judgment, just laying the groundwork to answer your questions). As a result, we did not use contraception and we feel that sex is unitive and procreative. We have been blessed with 11 healthy, wonderful children, with 2 miscarriages over the 21 years we have been married. By God's blessing, I have been able to support a family on a single income, but it's hard and faith that God will provide is a MUST!

We homeschool, so that adds to the cost. I currently have two in college that are getting scholarships and one is playing college baseball. I am busier than a one-legged man in a butt-kicking contest trying to make ends meet, but it always works out. It's expensive as hell, but I make the cost / benefit choice of giving up things I like because I like providing for my family a heck of a lot more. Yes, there are a lot of broken, dirty, missing things in my house and that is my Achilles heal! Boy, can I get on a soapbox about not having anything nice! However, when my lovely wife reminds me that I'm acting like George Bailey before he meets Clarence, I am able to see the bigger perspective.

Now, I agree that I don't want my children to have to take care of me when I'm older. That's why my plan is "die at the office." But seriously, God will provide. Of that I am confident. Yeah, I might never retire, but it would truly be well worth it. For those of you with children, maybe you can articulate the answer better than I can regarding why we want(ed) to have children. I think every child is a blessing from God and I think His will be done, whether I have 0 or 11 children. He just wants me to be open to it. I think children are a wonderful blessing and having children is mind-blowing because I believe mother and father work with God to create that new life.

Man can do many great and noble things, but in time they all fade away. Creating a new life with an eternal soul and trying to lead them back to Heaven is the greatest calling I have and the greatest thing I could do with this finite time in my mortal clay.

 

[cosmicfolklore]

As someone who has had a houseful of kids, I totally understand what has been said. What I am baffled with are the men (or women) that say before they have kids, "I really want a baby?"
After we hear that the baby is a given, I totally understand stepping up and doing what you have to. But, it's when a I hear someone say, "I really want a baby," before they even engage in procreation. That's what baffles me.

What does that young person expect to glean from having a baby?

 

[ziv]

But, was there a point where you were just like, "I really want a baby?"

Me? No, I wasn't. As a young man, I was totally fine without kids.
However, if someone could explain to me what it really means to have kids and how it changes a man, I would probably want it. But I don't think it's possible to explain that to someone who hasn't experienced it.

 

[Infantry23]

Ah, well that's a horse of a different color lol. It's the same as saying "Hey, I'd really like to stop sleeping and not have enough money for things. That sounds great!"

The answer to that.... who the hell knows

 

[cosmicfolklore]

The answer to that.... who the hell knows

That's what I was saying to my daughters. Ha ha.

Once you have kids or a kid, things change. But, I am not sure if I would trust a man that says that he really wants children or not. You really don't know a man's character until he has had deal with it. Will someone who says they want a kid, feel the same way when presented with, "I'm pregnant"?

Plus, it just sounds so weird to hear someone say it.

But, yeh, once you've got kids, there are many great things about it.

 

[Infantry23]

I remember *THAT* moment that told me there was no going back. My oldest son was born at 3:02pm. I was 23 years old, been married for 11 months (wasted no time). Family had been in to visit, we had had some dinner, wife was resting in the bed. Baby was under the buffet warming lamps. It was about 11pm and I was trying to sleep on the sofa in the room. Finally got to sleep when I heard that sweet but shrill ear-piercing wail that has been ever present over the past 20 years of my life. I distinctly, to this day, recall the thought "things will never be the same."

 

[anotherbob]

First off... I have 7 children in all, including two steps, and two fosters, and one that came to me at age 14... cough cough, long story. And, one grandbaby. But, In all of my kids, I never actually set out to have any kids on purpose, ha ha. Like about half of all men who get married, we just sort of wanted to do the "Right Thing" after making a whoops.

Anyways, I don't hate kids, but as I was talking to my two daughters closest to me recently, they asked me, "what is the benefit of having kids?"

At one time, they could be looked upon to take care of us in our old age, but that's bullshit these days. I don't really want one of my kids taking care of me anyways. I'll just pay a nurse if that comes about.

I understand that some women feel compelled to have kids, whether some genetic or hormonal voodoo, or that they just liked playing house as kids and one day want to dress and feed a little ankle biting shit themselves.

On my wife's reality series she watches I will occasionally hear men on there talking about really wanting a kid or kids. At first, I was like, that's just something a guy says to fuck some woman that wants a baby. Or, it was written in by a female script writer. I just have never ever in my life heard a man say that they want child. Men make babies out of ooopsies or they get married and feel family pressures to have kids.
And, in my 60's all of that old fashioned shit about family name and living on in our kids just seems like a bigger pile of bullshit.

With the cost of having and raising babies, why?
Maybe one of you guys were that type of guy who wanted to have kids... why and for what purpose? Tell us why you want a baby, or wanted to have a baby, and why.

I don't personally want any kids. But it's not uncommon for guys to seemingly sincerely talk about how rewarding it is to have children.
I have also talked to woman who didn't want kids and "dated" some sloppy fool that couldn't not have an whoopsie. Some that even admit that they'd rather never have had the kids.
I think a lot of these things boil down to expectations and feeling o.k. to publicly admit to certain feelings.
Also people had kids back in the day when if you got old it was your kids that would leave you way out in the woods or on a raft to die. So that having kids to take care of you thing is pretty engrained, even if the interpretation changes.
Last thing though I swear some guys I know had kids just so they could have access to the toys.

 

[woodsroad]

But, was there a point where you were just like, "I really want a baby?"

My deep appreciation of having a child didn't arrive until after my wife decided that WE were going to have one. For various reasons, I wasn't thrilled about the prospect, and would have been perfectly happy (I thought) not having kids. But once the wife decided, doors opened, attitudes changed, and yes, I was enthusiastic. 25 years later, I still am.

 

[anotherbob]

My deep appreciation of having a child didn't arrive until after my wife decided that WE were going to have one. For various reasons, I wasn't thrilled about the prospect, and would have been perfectly happy (I thought) not having kids. But once the wife decided, doors opened, attitudes changed, and yes, I was enthusiastic. 25 years later, I still am.

I've also seen similar things happen with whoopsies. One guy I knew acted like his life was over when the he got the ex pregnant (yes that is how it went down). Bitched about it and when the kid showed up something switched in that guy. He's now a really serious father and it's clearly the most important thing in his life. And to make me feel old the kid is going to be college aged soon.

 

[condorlover1]

There are no 'Mini Me's' kicking around the universe as far as I know. I have often wondered what I would do if some exotic women showed on my doorstep and in broken English informed me that the Fester Adams look alike that was with her was my child and the product of a night of passion when she accidentally sat on my pipe! The mind boggles......

 

[OverMountain]

It’s not about what you get, it’s about what you give.

 

[woodsroad]

I've also seen similar things happen with whoopsies. One guy I knew acted like his life was over when the he got the ex pregnant (yes that is how it went down). Bitched about it and when the kid showed up something switched in that guy. He's now a really serious father and it's clearly the most important thing in his life. And to make me feel old the kid is going to be college aged soon.

Glad it worked out for you!

 

[chilllucky]

I come from the extreme other side of this. I am so sure that I don't want kids that I got a vasectomy in my 20's.

I'm 50 now and I'm comfortable saying that having kids or not is a huge social sorting mechanism. Whatever you actually think of the people in your life because of your children (their classmates and _their_ parents, etc) those relationships are a social resource and basically fall right into your lap. It's part of why becoming a parent is "what one does". There's a lot of reinforcement for the decision.

Which of course, doesn't mean it's the right thing for everyone to do.

 

[cosmicfolklore]

I come from the extreme other side of this. I am so sure that I don't want kids that I got a vasectomy in my 20's.

I had one too, while in college, but no one told me that they weren't 100%. I had two girls with my first wife, which were both unplanned, and shocking to me. I went and had a second Vasectomy, and then had my third daughter.
Apparently, I heal really fast. They say to get a sperm count done once a year after a vasectomy, but no one ever told me that either. They can heal up even decades after having them done.

 

[Sig]

I do not have any kids.
Luckily I found a women who also didn't want kids.
We both have our reasons and life is good.
I have one brother and one sister.......we were all adopted. For whatever reason my parents could not have children.
My wife is an only child with very few family members left. Honestly, her dad and her moms sister are the only two I've met in 23 years.
My sister has two daughters, my brother has two sons.
My sister's oldest daughter(32 years old), has 5 of her own kids and 2 step kids.....all under 16 years old. So, I have plenty of kids around.
Anyways, at 53 years old, I absolutely do not regret not having kids. Although this means my bloodline stops here.....being adopted and all.
I have met a couple blood relatives from doing 23 and Me DNA testing.
I even met a couple 1st cousins who know my still living birth mother. They asked if I wanted her information, I declined...again, for personal reasons.
My 57 year old sister recently met her birth father and sister, but I have no interest. I already have the best parents anyone could have.

 

[BingBong]

Nil that I know of. I was open to the idea once I'd got over my wild years, but no sooner they ended then fate intervened and made the whole prospect almost impossible. It's probably for the best.