The Benefits of Having Children

[lraisch]

My wife and I talked about having kids even when we were just dating. "What will we do if I get pregnant?", she would ask and I would reply "Have a baby" which seemed to be reassuring. Neither of us were eager to have kids, but we thought it would be nice to share the family traditions and joys of our own childhood.

After ten years of marriage, we talked about going to a doctor to find out why we had no kids yet, but we were having fun just being a couple. All of a sudden, my daughter comes along. 15 months later, it's my son. We decided two was enough.

My kids are in their 40's now and I'm intensely proud of both of them.

They say "it's different when they're your own" and d'you know what? it's true.

 

[woodsroad]

The Benefits of Having A Rotary Tool: Children Are Out There (Looking for a New Wife)

 

[HeavyLeadBelly]

I have no kids of my own but when I was married I had three stepkids, two step sons and one teenage he’ll raiser of a stepdaughter. I’ve been divorced now coming up on a decade and haven’t seen any of them in a purge same amount of time (for many reasons, mainly because the ex is crazy) and though I do miss them from time to time I’ve moved on with my life. Anyways I got to enjoy the experience of being a father and glad I had it. These days I’m ambivalent about having kids. If a woman I’m dating wants them I’m cool with it. If she doesn’t want kids, or anymore, that’s fine too. If I die single with no kids I’m not shedding many tears.

 

[SBC]

My wife and I have 7 kids, aged 16 to almost 2 (plus three miscarriages entrusted to God's mercy).

The distinction between what a guy wants when he's first married, and what he grows to want after having his first kid, is a helpful distinction, yes.

(Setting context per @Infantry23: we were Continuing Anglo-Catholic most of our adult lives, now Orthodox, and in both communions a common view is that artificial contraception should not be a default, but that priestly dispensations can be made in exceptional cases of grave medical need. We did not use contraception for most of our marriage, but due to a medical emergency during our last pregnancy, our priest has now blessed us to use non-abortificient contraception to protect my wife's life.)

I haven't met many single guys who talk about wanting a baby. I agree that that would feel unusual.
(I have met a few single guys who say that they hope to have a family someday -- who seem to have in view the total picture, rather than the typical maternal desire to hold a baby in particular -- and that's different, I think.)

As a Christian, I do assume that God has built those maternal instincts into most women; but, a woman who wants a baby may not be able to answer "Why?" any better than I could answer why I want to climb the next mountain or take on the next unnecessary project.

When we were first married, the prospect of children felt distant and theoretical. Until I found out in the second month of marriage that we'd gotten pregnant in the first. However you want to explain it, my happiness about it was just as big a surprise as the pregnancy was.

Once you've had an 18 month old toddle towards you as fast as he can with pure joy spread across his face while he cries "Dada!" and hug your leg, you get it. And as they get older, there is no joy like watching your kids make good decisions and choose to be a blessing to others. I'd trade anything in the world for that, every time, even if I had a million lifetimes.

BUT, I didn't know that when I was married at 21 years old. I didn't get it yet.
(Maybe that's a plug for the traditional teachings of the Church: you can't answer "what do you get out of it?" until you've had a kid, and some of us need to be told to remain open to children so that we get the chance to "get it")

 

[The Libertine]

I never liked kids, even when I was one.

 

[Richmond B. Funkenhouser]

I wanted kids.

As soon as I met a woman I thought I could trust, I started doing the thing to her that makes babies... And bam, a mini me to hangout with!

It's a blast. Best part of my life, and the best thing I'll ever do.

I wanted a kid... My dad was a real good dad. I reckon I wanted a shot at paying back to the circle of life.

Turns out my first wife wasn't into the idea... She never bothered to tell me that, until she left. I believe that God sorts it all out, if you try to do the right thing.

 

[chilllucky]

I had one too, while in college, but no one told me that they weren't 100%. I had two girls with my first wife, which were both unplanned, and shocking to me. I went and had a second Vasectomy, and then had my third daughter.
Apparently, I heal really fast. They say to get a sperm count done once a year after a vasectomy, but no one ever told me that either. They can heal up even decades after having them done.

Well, either we've stumbled upon the reason I don't hear about many too folks seeking out Alabama doctors - or - after talking to me, my guy decided to do a double knot.

 

[fireground_piper]

I've definitely known some people who genuinely wanted kids, men and women, beforehand.

Can't answer your question why though as I never asked since I never wanted kids and I stick to my convictions.

 

[cosmicfolklore]

Well, either we've stumbled upon the reason I don't hear about many too folks seeking out Alabama doctors - or - after talking to me, my guy decided to do a double knot.

Ha ha, no, it’s a “thing”. Did they not tell you to get a check up once a year to measure your count?

 

[HawkeyeLinus]

We are happy to have two, knew when we got married having kids was part of the plan and lucky it came together. They are "grown" now but loved everything about having them in our lives and will really miss having them as little ones during the next many weeks, but every season had something special about it. Happily both will be home for Thanksgiving along with recently gained son-in-law and the three dogs that will accompany them, lol. So the dog to human ratio will be 1:1 - look out!

 

[chilllucky]

Ha ha, no, it’s a “thing”. Did they not tell you to get a check up once a year to measure your count?

He may have and I just don't remember. It was half a lifetime ago. Regardless, I have not been checking since the first one a month or so after the procedure.

 

[FLDRD]

Didn't think I wanted kids. Got surprised with one. Dealt with it. Turned out to be amazing. Had another surprise in a 2nd one as well. Wife (ex now) wasn't exactly pleased about either occasion. Turns out, if I were insanely wealthy and didn't have to do mundane things like spend loads of hours at work every week - I'd have had as many as I could make. Amazing blessings, even when they don't please me at the moment. If done right, one can project future goodness into the world with their offspring......

 

[anotherbob]

Glad it worked out for you!

I don't have any kids, well maybe somewhere in the midwest but none that I know of.

 

[Douglas]

I always wanted kids. Never felt the need to ponder why. Still don’t. God blessed us with three. Two are no more. Love hard, grieve hard. Wouldn’t change a thing, No regrets.

 

[Kirklands]

"what is the benefit of having kids?

A significant piece of the answer for me is that we have kids for them. That is, the gift of existence/life is something we give them, not something we do primarily for ourselves. It's about what they get out of it, not just what we get out of it.

 

[bullet08]

It happened the usual way. Then felt that one kid is just too lonely. He needs a sibling. So we had another one. I wanted a daughter. Daddy's girl that would be cute, nice and all that. By the time my second son came my wife was over 35. The docs gave us scare with her being "old" and possible complications. Got PSTD from those fuckers and didn't go for third.

What benefits? None tangible. But there are moments that make me proud they are my sons.

 

[warren]

I remember the first time my step-daughter didn't take my hand in a parking lot as we walked to the store. Broke my heart that she no longer needed my protection. Oh, she still got it, doy friend choices and such just, more discretely.

 

[FLDRD]

I don't have any kids, well maybe somewhere in the midwest but none that I know of.

I have some similar nightmares like that

 

[MisterBadger]

I like children: often you can, through their eyes, see things afresh. They can refresh your mind and spirit, and cause you to re-experience the world. Especially when they ask you questions like: "What are rocks for?" or "Where does the poo go when I flush the toiilet?" or "Where was I before I was born?". In the early years, there's a sort of naif innocence and a depth of sincerity that I see a lot more of in other animals and which generally causes me to prefer their company to most adult humans.

Having said that, It's great when you can hand them back to their parents

 

[anotherbob]

I have some similar nightmares like that

the thing is when I was 16 through 18 I meet a lot of girls from across the country who came to this area for math and science camps. A few of those girls claimed to be on birth control. So at least the kid should have extra nerd genes and powers if they do in fact exist.