You're right, I've only ever smoked tobacco.
Pipe and Tobacco Myths
- Thread starter peregrinus
- Start date
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I was waiting for this! The inevitable conclusion. Good job!
Great list. I've only one bone to pick. For #17, it wasn't the Brits who were ignorant; it was the French.
I love how every possible thing one could think about pipe smoking is a myth to someone or other.
It's absolutes. There are no real absolutes in pipesmoking.
I think that a lot of this started from retailers. You have to break in the pipe... this makes it so that after you buy that $700 pipe in the shop, and you smoke the first bowl and hate the pipe, the retailer can tell you to fuck off till you get it broken in, then it's too late to ask for your money back. And, putting a pipecleaner down the draft is a magic trick top show you that the pipe will smoke perfectly, with absolutely no basis in reality. What me pull a rabbit out of this hat.
But, even pulling a stem out of a hot pipe... I can slip a stem out of a hot pipe delicately and easily with absolutely no problems ever. Do it all the time, and all of my pipes have stems that fit. But, I've watched grown assed behemoth men with ham hands and sausage fingers pull a stem out of a cold pipe, and cringed because he just yanks them like he is trying to break the damned thing. Not every man is going to have the nubile touch of a man who can set microscopic diamonds into rings and gently push over prongs like a surgeon doing brain surgery. Some guys just don't have enough hand eye coordination not to piss in the floor.
Some guys can rinse their pipes out with water, while some guys feel like the only way they could do this is by dragging the pipe behind a ski boat for an entire day.
Some guys can smoke without tamping, and others can't light their pipes without a flamethrower .
Some guys have hand eye skillz, a delicate touch, and can bring women to a screaming orgasm, and other guys believe that women's orgasms are a myth, because they've never seen it happen.
Myths are for ham handed men that can't get a woman off, and the rest of us have gorgeous women draped over us all the time and don't believe in myths.
I'm sorry it's this way, but at least your ham hands can get yourself off, right?
I think that a lot of this started from retailers. You have to break in the pipe... this makes it so that after you buy that $700 pipe in the shop, and you smoke the first bowl and hate the pipe, the retailer can tell you to fuck off till you get it broken in, then it's too late to ask for your money back. And, putting a pipecleaner down the draft is a magic trick top show you that the pipe will smoke perfectly, with absolutely no basis in reality. What me pull a rabbit out of this hat.
But, even pulling a stem out of a hot pipe... I can slip a stem out of a hot pipe delicately and easily with absolutely no problems ever. Do it all the time, and all of my pipes have stems that fit. But, I've watched grown assed behemoth men with ham hands and sausage fingers pull a stem out of a cold pipe, and cringed because he just yanks them like he is trying to break the damned thing. Not every man is going to have the nubile touch of a man who can set microscopic diamonds into rings and gently push over prongs like a surgeon doing brain surgery. Some guys just don't have enough hand eye coordination not to piss in the floor.
Some guys can rinse their pipes out with water, while some guys feel like the only way they could do this is by dragging the pipe behind a ski boat for an entire day.
Some guys can smoke without tamping, and others can't light their pipes without a flamethrower .
Some guys have hand eye skillz, a delicate touch, and can bring women to a screaming orgasm, and other guys believe that women's orgasms are a myth, because they've never seen it happen.
Myths are for ham handed men that can't get a woman off, and the rest of us have gorgeous women draped over us all the time and don't believe in myths.
I'm sorry it's this way, but at least your ham hands can get yourself off, right?
Pipe Myth #258, People who work in pipe and cigar shops always know what they're talking about.
Yep, it's a sad fact of modern, life fellow puffers. Most shops these days just sell tobacco and don't really have anyone with decent product knowledge, chances are the clerk will know more about vape juice flavors and cannabis. And boy howdy, if you do find an old codger shop you best look like an old codger or you'll be experiencing first hand the cool disdain of your betters!
Pipe Fact #390, I figure we need a fact to balance out the mythos and brighten our moods, Pipe Fact #390 is that smokingpipes.com exists and if you're keen-eyed you can get four ounces across the border for under $20 CAN.
Yep, it's a sad fact of modern, life fellow puffers. Most shops these days just sell tobacco and don't really have anyone with decent product knowledge, chances are the clerk will know more about vape juice flavors and cannabis. And boy howdy, if you do find an old codger shop you best look like an old codger or you'll be experiencing first hand the cool disdain of your betters!
Pipe Fact #390, I figure we need a fact to balance out the mythos and brighten our moods, Pipe Fact #390 is that smokingpipes.com exists and if you're keen-eyed you can get four ounces across the border for under $20 CAN.
Skip, who owns the Briary doesn't smoke. The other pipe shops in my area also are owned by non-smokers or rare occasion cigar smokers. There are two cigar shops owned by non-smokers in my area also.
While they know how to sell a pipe or a stogie, they usually are just saying shit they've heard over the years. These pipe things are usually more of a magical anomaly to them than they are to us, so yep, they say stupid shit.
And cigar guys... why can they not shut the hell up? I really don't know nor care about what famous cigar rolling expert made those stupid stogies. I don't even know the different names of the brands. I just want the strongest damn sticks in the store, pay my money and get out of there, before they start showing off their dicks and pissing against the walls. I think it is standard procedure to hire the most obnoxious, ugly sons of bitches with face tattoos and beards to their belts to set in these cigar shops saying shit to expose shoppers for not knowing as much as they know about cigars. YOU WIN, I don't, and I don't care. Just let me pay for these and get the hell away from the Hells Angels serial killer you've hired to run your register. A face tattoo just expresses to the world how much you hate humanity. I think you have to be a complete moron to open a cigar shop and the choices of employees proves it.
These days, I just order cigars from smokingpipes, so that I don't have to deal with the complete assholes that work and hang out in these shops. I'd rather be stabbed in the eye than hang out in a cigar shop.
Where in the Hell do you live. Get out, you are likely in Crackerville. ?
Ha ha, no, I live in a very affluent area, marked as one of the best cities to live in the whole of the US, every other year or so.
Pipe smokers all have wisdom. Some wisdom? Appreciate wisdom? Sometimes look wise whether they are or not? Are wise ass? Oh well, wisdom is as wisdom does.
Yeh, tell that to my neighbors, they'll get a kick outa that.
Did you ever find anyone to claim that trampoline mailbox if yours?Yeh, tell that to my neighbors, they'll get a kick outa that.
It's only myth if you decide not to believe it and do not practice it. I do enjoy occasional cloud, not all the time, but change of cadence works for me. And I do test the wind with wet finger before lightening the tobacco. Northwest wind is bad for my pipes. Clouds in shape of wolf or dog in the sky will give "shitty" smoke for the rest of the day. Banshee scream before drying the tobacco will definitely give a tongue bite. Where do I end!
Myth: "this is my last tobacco order for a while, I should be nice and set..."
I have enough pipes...
When I was reading forums when I first started smoking a pipe (10 years ago), it was a prevalent idea that "real" smokers only achieved that status when they had "progressed" to English blends. A corollary, of course, was that aromatics were somehow less than. Total horse shit.