Older Guys: What are Your Thoughts?

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warren

Lifer
Sep 13, 2013
12,284
18,265
Foothills of the Chugach Range, AK
Sadly, in the U.S., most states have sharply cut the support of state colleges and passed that expense along to parents and students, which increases the stress on parents paying tuition and students, graduates or not, paying off student debt.
The plus side of that is, many of the best pay8ing jobs with decent career paths require early entry and maybe trade school. College is a waste of time for many youngsters, they could be be using those wasted years getting a foot in the door and early jump on the college kids without the crushing debt. Society will always need electricians, plumbers and such. Get an early start in such and, with hard work you could easily wind up owning a company.

My general rule of life was to always have a goal and a plan for meeting that goal. And, that neither the goal nor the plan were etched in stone should great alternatives present themselves. A plan provides roadmaps and you can measure your gains and loses. Then you can think about what to do to attain your goal, education, in-service, self-teaching and so forth. All of which can be easily accommodated, maybe slower than you'd like, while tending to family. A little less sleep, less "me time" (selfish time), more effort (physical and mental) less listening to friends suggesting you slow down and enjoy life, are all important for attaining goals.

Above all, don't listen to anyone who says, "You can't do that". Or, "You're wasting the fun years." Don't let the bastards/naysayers, get you down or divert you. You're the only one controlling how you spend your times and expend effort. Trust yourself! This doesn't mean never listen to others. Pick your mentors very carefully.

Never seek advice from anyone who isn't successful in their work or life. They know very little which might prove useful. They demonstrate that most every moment of their life.
 
Feb 12, 2022
3,574
50,415
32
North Georgia mountains.
Thanks for all the great feedback guys. I wasn't expecting that kind of input. I guess it would've helped to mention we are debt free and have enough in savings for all kids college and we continue building upon our retirement. It seems like a no brainer to take the pay cut and gain family time, but there's that little voice telling me to chase more money. Ive also been told by older guys at work to work hard and long hours while I'm young because one day I won't be able to.
There seems to be a general consensus - not necessarily the one I wanted to hear, but the one I known deep down is probably the right on. I appreciate everybody helping me "tlit the scale" in the right direction.
 

sablebrush52

The Bard Of Barlings
Jun 15, 2013
20,686
48,847
Southern Oregon
jrs457.wixsite.com
The time you lose with your family you will NEVER get back. Courts are full of wealthy couples who grew apart and are divorcing.

A little over 20 years ago I was offered a position heading a visual effects studio located in Montreal. The money was insane, almost three times what I was making at the time. At first my wife was very enthusiastic about the whole proposition and then she changed her mind, suggesting that if I really wanted to do this she would arrange regular flights from LA. She didn't feel it was the right time for our special needs son to change locations.

Declining the job turned out be to an easy decision to make. I could be a father or I could take a challenging position with great monetary rewards and recognition. I chose to be a father.

In the end, it all worked out. Other opportunities came, to be sure not with the same financial rewards or recognition, but I made a decent living, didn't blow it on crap, and have a modestly secure retirement when I want to retire. In the meantime I got to be a father, which is the most challenging job there is.

Building wealth is never certain. It takes planning, unplanning, occasional risk taking, patience, and sticking to a budget. I don't think it's a substitute for being a parent. If you find a position that pays well enough and offers you time to enjoy your family, you're ahead of the game.
 

huntertrw

Lifer
Jul 23, 2014
5,829
7,437
The Lower Forty of Hill Country
In his book The Old Man's Boy Grows Older author Robert Ruark succinctly defined (at least for me and my life) the word "rich":

"Rich," the Old Man said dreamily, "is not baying after what you can't have. Rich is having the time to do what you want to do. Rich is a little whisky to drink and some food to eat and a roof over your head and a fish pole and a boat and a gun and a dollar for a box of shells. Rich is not owing any money to anybody, and not spending what you haven't got."

Am I rich? Not by the world's standard. By the Old Man's standard? Absolutely! You can be, too.

The decision is up to you.
 
Jul 26, 2021
2,411
9,780
Metro-Detroit
Great thread.

I've been a slave to the grind and was living in two parts of the state for nearly 12 years by moonlighting on weekends until.my daughter was born. I was able to payoff my student loans in under 10 years, but sacrificed other things.

After staying in one city for 2.5 years, I was poached by my current employer. I took a pay cut, but have reduced hours and almost am back to the same pay level due to a raise and bonuses.

Currently, I am much happier and enjoy my Daddy Daycare weekends. Being debt free, the OP has more freedom than most in this situation. My prior career in the restaurant industry didn't really provide security at an older age since it's a young person's game.

Whatever you decide will be the correct choice.
 

jpberg

Lifer
Aug 30, 2011
3,172
7,407
I got married for the third time when I was 35. Prior to that I was a road queen. Had my first kid when I was 36 and took a pay cut that was more than what lots of guys make in a year, to be at home.
The money came back, and when I’m on my deathbed I’ll be thinking about my wife and kids, not the money.

That being said, there’s a certain amount that you need, based on what you want to do for your kids.
Like a couple other guys said - happy medium.
 

warren

Lifer
Sep 13, 2013
12,284
18,265
Foothills of the Chugach Range, AK
One can have enough money. But, no one can have too much money. Too many non-profits doing good works. Too many youngsters lacking money managing knowledge (knowledge once available in junior and senior high) who can be assisted with a bit of education and, perhaps a leg up.

I've hired young mothers as house keepers for a hundred bucks for a half-day a week. They had to be in financial straits and totally at sea as to how to remedy the problem. They had to have a decent job as I wasn't going to under write their dept. (Just seriously over pay them!:ROFLMAO: That was the "leg up.") I spent a year letting them clean while I taught them how to consolidate and reduce debt Every single one of them was scared of the phone because of debt collectors. When they found a windfall, Permanent Fund Dividend in this case, they took their kids to Hawaii or some such splurge, all they while thinking they'd never get dept free. They were overwhelmed.

It never took more that three years before they had the dept under control and, most importantly, developed a sense of self-esteem they had lacked. They simply discovered they weren't stupid after all, simply woefully unprepared by school boards and, in most cases, parents to handle moneys.

Two of the three are paying it forward. The other will in time.
 
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K.E. Powell

Part of the Furniture Now
Aug 20, 2022
589
2,180
37
West Virginia
"Wealth consists not in having great possessions, but in having few wants." - Epictetus

I won't add much beyond what others have already eloquently stated, especially since you said they already tilted your opinion over to what your father also advised you to do. But I will say this: ask yourself what is it you really want. Go beyond the superficial and really dig deeply. What is it you want? Is this want in line with virtue? How does this impact not just myself, but others? Why do I want this? What is its cost? And yes, there is always a cost. Things are rarely gained without something else being expended, and the bill always comes due.
 
Feb 12, 2022
3,574
50,415
32
North Georgia mountains.
Great thread.

I've been a slave to the grind and was living in two parts of the state for nearly 12 years by moonlighting on weekends until.my daughter was born. I was able to payoff my student loans in under 10 years, but sacrificed other things.

After staying in one city for 2.5 years, I was poached by my current employer. I took a pay cut, but have reduced hours and almost am back to the same pay level due to a raise and bonuses.

Currently, I am much happier and enjoy my Daddy Daycare weekends. Being debt free, the OP has more freedom than most in this situation. My prior career in the restaurant industry didn't really provide security at an older age since it's a young person's game.

Whatever you decide will be the correct choice.
I was a cook at a winery in my early 20s for a few years. There definitely was no security for the future, but boy did I love it. I learned so much and the head chef took me under his wing. We traveled, cooked for private parties, explored new ideas, and drank like fish. An experience I'm forever grateful for
 

georged

Lifer
Mar 7, 2013
6,014
16,296
Money is overrated once you have over a hundred pounds worth or so.

When I became a billionaire by winning the Powerball lottery a few years ago, I discovered that even in hundred dollar bills---the highest denomination printed, anymore---1.3 billion dollars weighed 29,000 pounds. Not kidding.

So I filled a backpack-suitcase sort of thing with all I could carry (which is where the hundred pounds number came from), and gave the rest away.

More precisely, I just walked away from the pile of pallets and let anybody who wanted some of the damn stuff just take it.

(The joke was on them, of course, they just didn't know it at first. Lugging more than a hundred pounds everywhere you go is a LOT more tiring that it sounds.)

So, anyway, there you go. THIS older guy's thoughts on the matter of money. Hope it helps.
 
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Hillcrest

Lifer
Dec 3, 2021
3,683
18,754
Connecticut, USA
May I suggest you that you also ask your wife what she thinks is best for the family as well and try to find a happy compromise ? Don't compete with your idea of what others might/would think ... only you control your free will and happiness as others have said above.
 

woodsroad

Lifer
Oct 10, 2013
12,652
20,199
SE PA USA
I'll start by saying I'm 30 years of age and have 3 kids - one being a new born.
I recently switched jobs to work closer from home, but some mixed feelings have come with it. My last job made great money, but I commuted all over and was gone a good bit for this work. My new job makes quite a bit less, but I'm only 5 minutes from home and its a lot easier. The time I get with family is ten fold, and I'm not too tired or stressed after work to go out and do stuff when I get home.
My question is, do you work hard and long while your younger to gather as much wealth as you can while your kids are young? Or do you put time with family above all?
The second job isn't bad money by any means, the first one is just so much more.
I saw this with my dad, he chose the first option. But he's stresses to me that it was the wrong choice and I should go with the second option - that chasing money created its own problems.
Do any of the older guys here have experience with this? I can see the pros and cons of both jobs and am curious how this has played out for others. I know money isn't everything, but it doesn't suck either.
You are making the right choice, for so many reasons.

When I was young , my father worked two jobs. Both were rewarding, difficult and stressful occupations. I enjoyed the hours I spent with my father, but they were few and far between. As the years went by, we grew apart. By the time I was in high school, were were adversaries and didn’t talk to each other. It wasn’t until I moved out of the house that we began to rebuild our relationship. There were a lot of lost years, tears and a wall that never came down completely.

Skip ahead to the birth of my daughter in 1999. I was working full time plus at a newspaper, and doing a good bit of freelancing that doubled my income. I decided to stop freelancing. My wife and I were able to arrange our schedules so that each of us had an entire day off with our daughter, plus the weekend. It was the best thing I ever did. Both of us are very close with her, and there is nothing she loves better than to have some alone time with us, with nothing in particular to do. We visit her at school, she comes home when she can, and we just enjoy to no end that time together, whenever we can make it happen. It is the complete opposite of my relationship with my late father.

I am 60. My father passed eight years ago, my mother two years ago. Time is an ethereal commodity. There is no going back, no making up for what didn’t happen. Spend that time wisely, with those you love and those that love you. The dividends you reap can not be bought. Time lost can not be compensated for with money. Our days are numbered, and in the end, happiness is all that matters.