Older Guys: What are Your Thoughts?

[cshubhra]

Many has already said it, but I thought I would reiterate including some of my “original” opinions

1. Every human is different and there is no one answer- Do what you think you should and you will be right

2. Balance is important in my opinion as many has said. I would also add that it’s not either / or. For example, if you are on a long commute you can plan how you would solve the complex homework your child has asked your help

3. Being present is good, but if you overdo it, you may be a helicopter parent, harming your kids decision making skills, which may hamper their ability to do high value jobs which contribute to the economy, society and the betterment of humankind

4. Parents with good work ethic create exceptional role models for kids - They actually observe you and try to be like you

5. Money is good as long as you earning it ethically. If someone says it’s not important they may not be doing you a favor. However it is important to treat money as a safety-net and not a windfall

6. Generational wealth is good. If you have taught your kids good money behavior (By having good money behavior yourself- See #4 above) they start life on a strong footing and can focus on improving the world, without worrying about where to live or how to pay off student debt. I say this with a small caveat - Generational wealth is often destroyed in three generations as it is a windfall to the third and subsequent generations

7. Children are the first priority- But if you are not doing anything meaningful to yourself there will be a great void in your life when they grow up. For some it’s a career for others it may be art, craft, volunteer work, hobby, etc…

 

[anotherbob]

time is limited and you get a finite amount. money can always be made if needed.

 

[warren]

Every human is different and there is no one answer- Do what you think you should and you will be right

I agree with most of what you wrote. Still I must differ regarding number one, many people are not equipped either mentally and/or lack experience to determine what is a correct decision in many situations, especially situations not faced in the past. Many can't think critically and more do not have the training/experience to make many decisions. Many people are simply too self-centered to making decisions which could mightily effect others.

I also know, as you no doubt do, many people who spend their time dithering, unable to make any kind of decision under any circumstances. I'm one of those who prefers quick decision making, continually reading the feed back. Even a bad decision provides positive information. Then, of course, one must be able to admit a mistake and revaluate, hopefully leading to a better selection of alternatives.

 

[B.Lew]

Thanks for all the great feedback guys. I wasn't expecting that kind of input. I guess it would've helped to mention we are debt free and have enough in savings for all kids college and we continue building upon our retirement. It seems like a no brainer to take the pay cut and gain family time, but there's that little voice telling me to chase more money. Ive also been told by older guys at work to work hard and long hours while I'm young because one day I won't be able to.
There seems to be a general consensus - not necessarily the one I wanted to hear, but the one I known deep down is probably the right on. I appreciate everybody helping me "tlit the scale" in the right direction.

One. The mentalities shared from coworkers have been engrained in us (Americans) for generations. Does that make it the way?
Two. Working hard when young makes sense. I will not dispute that statement. However, when children are added to the equation then I don’t put as much weight to the desire.
I have chosen a similar path as yourself. It is a difficult decision in the day to day. One that is mulled over on spinning rotation within the brain.
Be grateful for what you have. Accept the challenge of life’s paths. Don’t waste too much energy second guessing. Smoke a pipe, fill a dram!
There is 1001+ ways to lead a life. Who can say that one is better than the other. Do what you can with the best intent and drive and you will not fall short of the glory…of man.

 

[AppalachianPipe92]

I see writing on the wall. The reality is the economy is going to the shitter and is never coming back until we get into whatever is going to replace western civilization. What looks like a juicy retirement package now won't be worth a bag of beans by the time I retire. Fiat currency is a social contract built on shaky foundations.

I couldn't agree more, though I'm careful where I talk about it. I've gotten the ole "your a crazy conspiracy theorist!" enough times to keep to myself on these topics.
But I agree, something will eventually replace western civilization as we know it. Hell, CBDC rolls out in July in the US - that's only the start.
For this reason, we've become more self sustainable here on the farm. Not only does it help from paying for overpriced groceries, it also creates a peace of mind. Most importantly though, I think it's taught/teaching my kids alot.

2030 here we come.

 

[ashdigger]

Sorry, I can’t help. I’ve been self-employed for so long I don’t even know the meaning of work life balance.

But I’m 60 and we all have our own values and priorities.

I can’t tell anyone but myself what’s right or wrong for family time v work time.

 

[AppalachianPipe92]

I always looked for a job that was meaningful, challenging and rewarding that would allow me to be present for my wife and kids. The hours were long and hard but it was possible to match them to the rhythm of family life to a degree. My wife chose not to work when the children were small. The money wasn’t good and there were times early on when we just got by. With time the money came. I’ve never made decisions based primarily on money. It’s always been the “fit” of the situation and then was the money doable. I’m thankful for all the time that I’ve shared with my son and daughter as they both reach their mid-30s.

We made a big decision today similar to yours - My wife decided to take the next year off so the new baby will be closer go 2 before he goes to daycare.
I honestly don't want her to go back to work. She loves teaching (high school and college) but man does our house and farm run so smoothly when she stays home. It's been life changing. And on top of my new job, we've never had so much time to do stuff.

 

[cosmicfolklore]

As someone of Viking heritage, I say, If you find a way to make money while having fun, you’ll never work a day in your life. Take what you can from folks who don’t have the power to stop you. Seek adventure and ride the waves. Have fun. Have as many kids by as many women as possible, because some of them pass on their crazy genes. Make a name for yourself, and kill as many of your enemies as possible, but don’t stress over it… have fun.

No one ever says on their deathbed, I wish had stayed home more and played with children.

Oh, and learn to use an ax, it’s always more Fun than a sword.
skål!!!

 

[trouttimes]

In life, money is only one way to keep score and not always the best one. I quit high paying jobs is places where the quality of life for me sucked. I’ve taken low paying jobs where the quality of life was great. To me, it’s all about quality of life and only you can determine what that means for you. None of us is guaranteed tomorrow.

 

[AppalachianPipe92]

As someone of Viking heritage, I say, If you find a way to make money while having fun, you’ll never work a day in your life. Take what you can from folks who don’t have the power to stop you. Seek adventure and ride the waves. Have fun. Have as many kids by as many women as possible, because some of them pass on their crazy genes. Make a name for yourself, and kill as many of your enemies as possible, but don’t stress over it… have fun.

No one ever says on their deathbed, I wish had stayed home more and played with children.

Oh, and learn to use an ax, it’s always more Fun than a sword.
skål!!!

I knew you older guys had good advice.

 

[telescopes]

I lived by a simple motto: I work so I can fish. We choose to live on one income although we both worked. I lived close to work because I chose a job that made that possible - therefore I lived where I wanted. We told our children we would not pay for their education. This meant our children who both went to college made wise decisions. They went where they could afford and they didn’t monkey around in college. My retirement is just fine. And the lesson: anyone who marries their job gets all the solace it can give them. Which isn’t much.

 

[cosmicfolklore]

I lived by a simple motto: I work so I can fish. We choose to live on one income although we both worked. I lived close to work because I chose a job that made that possible - therefore I lived where I wanted. We told our children we would not pay for their education. This meant our children who both went to college made wise decisions. They went where they could afford and they didn’t monkey around in college. My retirement is just fine. And the lesson: anyone who marries their job gets all the solace it can give them. Which isn’t much.

I also refused to pay for their college, and mine also made much wiser choices. I also never bought them a car. They had to work for it, save, and I co-signed.

My parents never paid for my education, nor my cars… and I worked through to my PHD, all paid for by me. This allowed me to study what I wanted, amd loved every minute of it.

My parents had an 18 and done mentality, which worked for me. And, I couldn’t be more proud of my own kids. I mean, I help them. But, I’m not just their money tree. When I’m dead they can fight over my land, or be smart like my sister and I were when my dad died.

 

[AJL67]

If you were married to my ex-wife, you'd be LOVING that commute time... trust me.

 

[dunnyboy]

@AppalachianPiper92, I have a lot of respect for the decision you've made and the priorities you have. You're more mature than I was at your age. Perhaps your priorities will change, and that's alright too.

When I was in my twenties, thirties and early forties, I was more competitive than I am now. I was proud of the work I was doing but compared myself to others who were making more money or had more prestige, and it bothered me. I felt I had let myself down, that I should have worked harder or chosen a more lucrative area of work Luckily, I had and still have a wonderful wife who was proud of me and kept me grounded. She put the welfare of our children foremost and taught me to do the same. Through her example and our frequent discussions, she helped me grow up, to become less self-centered (though I'll always be a work in progress where that is concerned). I felt that of all the people I knew, rich or poor, I had the best wife. That feeling wasn't one of competitive triumph but of gratitude and of thanking my lucky stars.

Fortunately, sometime in my late forties, I began to feel successful enough in my own right that I had less need to compare myself to those who were richer or more accomplished. I took pride in my competence at work, and satisfaction from the development of my children. I still compared my success to that of others but not to those who were in a different stratum of society but to my peers, people in the same profession. I felt I could hold my own with any of them and it was enough.

At this point, I take very little of my sense of identity from my profession. I enjoy my work and do it well but my happiness comes very little from my career and almost entirely from my friends and family. I have enough money to live very comfortably, to help my adult kids when they need it, and to retire safely without fear of destitution. I can honestly say I'm happier now now in my fifties, sixties and seventies than I've ever been.

 

[newbroom]

Ok, I'm likely 'an older guy', since I'm now chasing my 76th yr, and I've raised a family with which I am still nurturing as much as possible, and they me. I had my own glass business and operated it from my home base on 5 acres and was home often, fabricating glass, mowing the grass, cooking meals, taking care of Old McDonald's collection of animals, including goats, pigs, cows, chickens, ducks, rabbits, turkeys, dogs, and cats. We didn't eat the dogs and cats, nor the goats, but we should have. We just milked 'em (the goats, that is). The old lady did that part most of the time because it was her 'thing' for years until she became disenchanted with me and the lifestyle. It's pretty tricky to squeeze milk out of those small (in my hands) teats, and I just used my thumb and two fingers.
I didn't try to get rich, just tried to provide. My kids are adults with advanced degrees, happy marriages, and gainful economic activity. I spent a lot of time with 'em as they grew up, at least until the divorce.

 

[captpat]

It's easy to fall into the trap posed by the tyranny of "or." IOW the choice between making more money while being away OR making less money and being home. There are always other options, though they might take time to identify or present themselves. Further, there are probably other equally or even more important considerations that should be part of the calculus.

@AppalachianPiper92 I'm not going to tell you what to do, I will say be careful about getting trapped by "or."

 

[AppalachianPipe92]

@AppalachianPiper92, I have a lot of respect for the decision you've made and the priorities you have. You're more mature than I was at your age. Perhaps your priorities will change, and that's alright too.

When I was in my twenties, thirties and early forties, I was more competitive than I am now. I was proud of the work I was doing but compared myself to others who were making more money or had more prestige, and it bothered me. I felt I had let myself down, that I should have worked harder or chosen a more lucrative area of work Luckily, I had and still have a wonderful wife who was proud of me and kept me grounded. She put the welfare of our children foremost and taught me to do the same. Through her example and our frequent discussions, she helped me grow up, to become less self-centered (though I'll always be a work in progress where that is concerned). I felt that of all the people I knew, rich or poor, I had the best wife. That feeling wasn't one of competitive triumph but of gratitude and of thanking my lucky stars.

Fortunately, sometime in my late forties, I began to feel successful enough in my own right that I had less need to compare myself to those who were richer or more accomplished. I took pride in my competence at work, and satisfaction from the development of my children. I still compared my success to that of others but not to those who were in a different stratum of society but to my peers, people in the same profession. I felt I could hold my own with any of them and it was enough.

At this point, I take very little of my sense of identity from my profession. I enjoy my work and do it well but my happiness comes very little from my career and almost entirely from my friends and family. I have enough money to live very comfortably, to help my adult kids when they need it, and to retire safely without fear of destitution. I can honestly say I'm happier now now in my fifties, sixties and seventies than I've ever been.

That means alot coming from you. And you make a great point, about comparing ourselves to others. This is something I struggle with greatly.
I have four best friends, we've been close since we were babies and little kids. I love those guys.
Well work has taken us all to different parts of the country, but we still go on vacations together with our families at least a few times each year. What's hard is these guys all took the more "prestigious" route early on. I was consumed with partying and traveling. Because of this, they landed really spectacular jobs and live lives if luxury (to say the least for a couple of them).
It's really hard not to compare my situation to theirs, as we're all the same age. One thing that's helped, and I'll never forget having this conversation with Harris before he passed, is not comparing my insidrs to their outsides. I think their life is great because they blow all this money all over the world. But like Harris pointed out, they don't have family. Some are married, some aren't. None of them have kids. And they've told me they envy the stability I have - a wife of 11 years, 3 kids, a big farm. I guess because of greed, I convince myself that I envy or strive to be of their social status. But in reality, through talking with guys like you and Harris, I realize I'm really the fortunate one.
That greed is a real dark thing, and I often find I'm far more unhappy chasing money than I am being content with where life has taken me.
Thanks for your input, that's a really strong point that is hard for me to look at sometimes.

 

[AppalachianPipe92]

It's easy to fall into the trap posed by the tyranny of "or." IOW the choice between making more money while being away OR making less money and being home. There are always other options, though they might take time to identify or present themselves. Further, there are probably other equally or even more important considerations that should be part of the calculus.

@AppalachianPiper92 I'm not going to tell you what to do, I will say be careful about getting trapped by "or."

Hey that's a great point.