Greetings brothers & sisters of the briar! Esteemed Artisan Pipe-Makers, Learned Collectors of fine smoking instruments, Divinely inspired Tobacconist & Blenders ...lowly fellow newbies.
I am here for ANSWERS! The questions are irrelevant. I wish to snatch the pebble from the master before he can close his hand. To hear the grasshopper at my feet. I seek the path to enlightenment, a rad Lars Ivarsson pipe, the joy of a good, full-blown aromatic English blend that wont bite my tongue off. And most importantly to be the first kid on my block with a Joe Case pipe that looks like a fist exploding from my beard.
Since you asked, I would say I am a cross between (pre-cocaine) John Belushi, Chuck Norris's emotionally suspect cousin, and remember that guy on the TV show Night Court? The one that does magic tricks and dresses like he's from the 40's? Yeah, I'm nothing like that guy.
I want to take this opportunity to put the rumor to rest that I was born in a manger in Bethlehem. Actually, I was born in the Bronx. Many, many, many people would agree that my greatest strength is my humility. I would confess that my greatest weakness other than kryptonite; is that sometimes I can be a little bit too...awesome.
In conclusion, I am here to learn and share in the manly tradition of the briar. I hope that you'll allow me to tap into that wellspring of precious insight that can only be acquired by learned experience and angry, self-righteous maturity. While we're here I hope we can share some laughs along the way and If were not careful we just might learn something.
Let the panic commence,
FELONIOUS MONK