There must be something in the air, because I've got both daughters going through break ups here. This is never a good thing. I empathize. We've all walked that road, but as Willie Nelson said, "...at least you've got the makings of a song."
My Woman Left Me
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Sorry to hear about your grief. We've almost all been there. As necro99 observed, there is some great advice here and some bullshine. You'll sort it out. Whatever happened then remember, you didn't fail. The relationship failed. You each did the best you could with the skills and resources you had available at that time. If you each had a different skill set you could have worked through it, but you didn't this time. Now have fun, work on your personal growth and when the time is right you'll be amazed at what the future holds.
That's rough, man. smokeybear nailed it with his post.
The only advice I can give you is don't make promises and claims that you know you can't keep up for the rest of your life to try to get her back. Don't make any drastic, life changing decisions right away, just do something that you have been putting off. Get out of your routine for a while to clear your head.
Good luck
The only advice I can give you is don't make promises and claims that you know you can't keep up for the rest of your life to try to get her back. Don't make any drastic, life changing decisions right away, just do something that you have been putting off. Get out of your routine for a while to clear your head.
Good luck
The "My Woman" comments to this thread are pretty interesting. I think it is being used as a figure of speech and not a form of possession get off your high horse. When I speak to people about "my wife" that do not know who she is I refer to her as "My Wife" get over the the term. If you would have posted Kristy left me this leaves a lot more to interpret who the hell Kristy is or maybe it's none of our business to what her name is. With the "My Woman" title I knew exactly what the thread was about and whether or not I cared to look at it.
sorry no high horse here
as any divorce lawyer will tell you there are two sides to every story and then the facts.
it would help the story to know their ages, how long they have been a 'couple' and how long they had lived together. what promises that may have been made along the way that were or weren't kept. also what she had had enough of that caused her to leave. I have on a lot occasions said this is my wife SweetPea.
sorry no high horse here
as any divorce lawyer will tell you there are two sides to every story and then the facts.
it would help the story to know their ages, how long they have been a 'couple' and how long they had lived together. what promises that may have been made along the way that were or weren't kept. also what she had had enough of that caused her to leave. I have on a lot occasions said this is my wife SweetPea.
Just take things day by day. Some will be bad and some will be just OK. Its like a roller coaster. Over time you get better and the pain will decrease.
sorry about that man. Its just a phase. Time heals everything. Give it some time, have a pipe and a drink... enjoy the little things and stay busy. You will be back to normal in no time. Everything that happens, leads to what is supposed to be. Good luck man, stay up.
Hi Jerod,
Break ups are painful and upsetting, even when they eventually turn out to be blessings. You have an opportunity to learn and grow from this, or not. That's yours. The intimacy between the two of you didn't disappear in a blink, so you get to look at what signs you missed and what that reveals about you. Break ups are always a two way affair and both of you played a role in it. So don't claim sole ownership. Your fiancee played her part in it. If both of you have a commitment to this relationship, then both of you will do the work it takes to return it to health. Make no mistake, rewarding relationships require daily maintenance by both parties. Only the sick ones are effort free because one of the parties is not being real.
And if this is not to be, life will offer other possibilities and you will have new opportunities. What you learn from this will help you avoid repeating the same behaviors in the future, and to be more aware of your potential partner's character, both good and bad.
Break ups are painful and upsetting, even when they eventually turn out to be blessings. You have an opportunity to learn and grow from this, or not. That's yours. The intimacy between the two of you didn't disappear in a blink, so you get to look at what signs you missed and what that reveals about you. Break ups are always a two way affair and both of you played a role in it. So don't claim sole ownership. Your fiancee played her part in it. If both of you have a commitment to this relationship, then both of you will do the work it takes to return it to health. Make no mistake, rewarding relationships require daily maintenance by both parties. Only the sick ones are effort free because one of the parties is not being real.
And if this is not to be, life will offer other possibilities and you will have new opportunities. What you learn from this will help you avoid repeating the same behaviors in the future, and to be more aware of your potential partner's character, both good and bad.
I don't want to drag this on, but I'm so grateful for your replies, I had to let you know.
I appreciate those who who offered up their years of experience and words of wisdom. From the short and sweet comments, to the lengthy paragraphs- I appreciate them all more than you guys know.
Woodsroad: I didn't ask for advice brother. I was distraught, and was seeking a momentary distraction, from remembering the last four years of my life.
Bradley and dochudson: I don't really understand? Are you guys trying to be funny? Or, do you think it's a problem for me to call the woman I've been in love with for ten years, "my woman"? Likewise, is it a problem for her to call me, her "her man". The moniker's were badges of pride to each of us.
Update: While I know that some of us believe that man isn't meant to be with one woman for life, and I respect that point of view, I don't agree with it. So, the ten minutes I just spent talking to her, after not being able to speak to her for two days, was truly one of the best ten minutes of my life. Hopefully you guys can understand that some of us, despite our most herculean efforts to apply logic and reason to romantic circumstances, are prone to falling hopelessly in love with a very select few.
I appreciate those who who offered up their years of experience and words of wisdom. From the short and sweet comments, to the lengthy paragraphs- I appreciate them all more than you guys know.
Woodsroad: I didn't ask for advice brother. I was distraught, and was seeking a momentary distraction, from remembering the last four years of my life.
Bradley and dochudson: I don't really understand? Are you guys trying to be funny? Or, do you think it's a problem for me to call the woman I've been in love with for ten years, "my woman"? Likewise, is it a problem for her to call me, her "her man". The moniker's were badges of pride to each of us.
Update: While I know that some of us believe that man isn't meant to be with one woman for life, and I respect that point of view, I don't agree with it. So, the ten minutes I just spent talking to her, after not being able to speak to her for two days, was truly one of the best ten minutes of my life. Hopefully you guys can understand that some of us, despite our most herculean efforts to apply logic and reason to romantic circumstances, are prone to falling hopelessly in love with a very select few.
'my woman' imo, but I'm an old fart, sounds of a husband wearing a wife beater t-shirt and wondering why dinner isn't ready.
10 years and no engagement or wedding? she may have seen the light that the future had come and gone.
I got no dog in the fight but good luck.
Some of you guys are insensitive asses.
The truth is that falling in love is a fairy story. Love is a choice we love as we choose too. I know you dont feel like it now, but if you apply your head to it you will one day see. Right now ya feel emotionally hurt, abandoned, and rejected. It goes away.
Gregprince is a genius, "You'll sort it out. Whatever happened then remember, you didn't fail. The relationship failed. You each did the best you could with the skills and resources you had available at that time. If you each had a different skill set you could have worked through it, but you didn't this time. Now have fun, work on your personal growth and when the time is right you'll be amazed at what the future holds. "
may be one of the best things I have ever heard about break ups in my life.
The truth is that falling in love is a fairy story. Love is a choice we love as we choose too. I know you dont feel like it now, but if you apply your head to it you will one day see. Right now ya feel emotionally hurt, abandoned, and rejected. It goes away.
Gregprince is a genius, "You'll sort it out. Whatever happened then remember, you didn't fail. The relationship failed. You each did the best you could with the skills and resources you had available at that time. If you each had a different skill set you could have worked through it, but you didn't this time. Now have fun, work on your personal growth and when the time is right you'll be amazed at what the future holds. "
may be one of the best things I have ever heard about break ups in my life.
I understand completely, brother, and I'm sorry that you're going through this hard time.
Relationship skills are learned, not taught. Unfortunately, the learning is usually via the hard way.
Give her space but keep the communication lines open and honest.
This may just be a needed break that will bring you closer but, if not, a life lesson to carry forward.
I'd like to post this quote from Kahlil Gibran for condideration:
"Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.”
Take Care,
Darin
If you want to get your ex girlfriend back, you obviously have some hurdles ahead of you. You have to figure out exactly what went wrong with your relationship to cause your break up. If you find you are the cause, them you must man up to it and take responsibility for it.
Do not blame someone else, if you really want her back admit to her that you now understand that you are at fault and apologize to her. Make your apology count; it should be from the heart. You do not have to grovel at her feet, just mean what you say. :
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Do not blame someone else, if you really want her back admit to her that you now understand that you are at fault and apologize to her. Make your apology count; it should be from the heart. You do not have to grovel at her feet, just mean what you say. :
:
What you need my friend is good trip to the nudie bar so you can check out a new model . You are young and there will be many woman in your life and if you are lucky one will truly love and stand by your side . After being married for twenty years I often fantasize about mine leaving me ,that's when she yells at me to wake up and let the dogs out . Hang tough and don't get drunk .
Sorry, Jerod, for your pain, one that most of us have experienced at some point in our lives. I can tell you this: the pain will end, either by your being able to win her back, or in the healing that inevitably follows, and a new beginning to your life.
Dude, you're in a pretty shitty spot. Some of us have been there some haven't and judging by the responses that you got you can clearly tell who has, hasn't, and may never be. Having said that, we all know that there are various personalities around the forum and not all of them will be sympathetic. This is not directed at all towards you, but people like to think that their situations are "unique" when in fact they're very common occurrences. Whether or not we're a bunch of strangers, we're all human beings and there's nothing wrong with sharing our experiences. I don't feel like anything you said is "too much".
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