Met My First Absolute JERK Piper

[simnettpratt]

What I learned from this was, to some people, even folks on this forum, saying Hi, what are you smoking, would you like some free tobacco (even if they're talking and laughing with everyone around them), is NOT Southern hospitality, but is 'infringing on their personal space'. Wow. Fine, no presents for you. If it happens again, I won't be so surprised; no harm, no foul.
And btw, he was 'infringing on the personal space' of everyone around him, but as johhnyreb said, if he was a regular, he will have at least known the waiters and waitresses. He was still rude - he could have just said, I don't want to be bothered, though I have no problem bothering everyone around me.
Next time I'm walking down the street and some random Texan stranger says Hi, I'm still going to say Hi back, and when the next stranger at the range comes over to talk about my pipe, I'm going to be friendly to them too. You are welcome to be different.

 

[simnettpratt]

and not share any of the courtesies that make this hobby what it is.

Our differences make the world go round. I happen to be in Sparker's camp on this one, your mileage may vary. And that's OK with me.

 

[johnnyreb]

I have a hard time thinking of pipe smoking as a "hobby". Many of my ancestors smoked pipes but I doubt any of them thought of it as their hobby. I realize the meaning of words do change over time; someone suggested here recently that wet shaving could be an enjoyable "hobby". Collecting vintage or new artesian pipes as objects of art could be considered a hobby. I just don't think many long-time pipe smokers think of their smoking or the pipes they use as their smoking tools as a hobby. Had the two of you been sitting where you could both see each other and he see you smoking a pipe and there was some kind of acknowledgement first, then your approach might have been received differently.
Southern hospitality is one thing; to approach thinking you are some kind of brethren is another.

 

[bulletsnbriars]

Very surprised by the content of this topic. This was a bar, 90% of people in bars are there to be social. I'm not saying they are there to make new friends per se, but at least talk to new people. Most of my Ireland trip was chatting up strangers in pubs. This man shared a common interest and was being sociable, simnett was not coming out of left field here. Even if he was, lets have a little politeness shall we? I don't care how old/young you are or whether its a hobby or not, no need to treat each other like trash, pipe or not. I don't care how "unsafe" the world is these days, nobody's helping anybody by being a dick.
Simnett, legitimately sorry you went through this, I would have done the same thing you did in this situation, I love meeting pipers and would be very sad and angry to have this responce.

 

[warren]

Just out of bed, cup of coffee in hand, and somewhat surprised to see this thread is still active. I think most agree that simnettpratt left himself open for the rebuff in his attempt to be sociable. The "jerk's" response was over the top and he could have been less of a jerk, there was no need to embarrass simnettpratt. And, simnettpratt came out of the encounter the better man.
When I see someone smoking a pipe it tells me one thing only; that they smoke a pipe. That's pretty simple. The pipe is certainly not an indicator of the person's demeanor, level of education, wealth, or anything else with regard to personality. The presence of a pipe should not signal one's sexual persuasion like an ear ring nor how approachable they are. It may indicate approachability or; maybe the piper is simply trying to keep the mosquitoes at bay. A pipe is simply that, a pipe.
One always takes a chance when approaching a stranger, whether it's to ask directions or offer to share tobacco. It can be dangerous to attribute certain characteristics people based on superficial observations.

 

[simnettpratt]

This forum is a good example of how pipers come from all walks of life. I took the risk of being nice to a stranger (who was being nice to everyone else mind you) and made the guy mad. Based on all my other encounters with pipers, the odds were against that, but that's the risk I took. No biggie, sorry I offended you, rude guy. I did say I'm sorry to bother you as I was leaving, and next time I won't be as surprised as I was, that's all. Lesson learned.
Still, instead of yelling at me, he could have just said leave me alone, I only want to socialize with everyone else in the pub. That is where I got the indication of approachability, but I was wrong, and not for the last time.
@bullets: Thanks for the kind words. I actually was neither sad nor angry, just surprised; next time that happens, not so much, so I guess that's what I learned. Thought I had every indication of approachability. I was wrong

 

[gamxiaoyuan]

Don't get frustrated,simnettpratt. I'm pretty sure that man is an outlier of pipe smokers. I guess I'm just lucky that never run into such situation. And I'm sure that doesn't happen a lot.

 

[phil67]

Well said warren and I could not agree more. I don't know, but this idea that smoking a pipe is a hobby always sounded rather absurd to me. Like you said: 'A pipe is simply that, a pipe', and 'The pipe is certainly not an indicator of the person's demeanor, level of education, wealth, or anything else with regard to personality'. This guy has more likely than not been smoking a pipe for many years and never once considered it as something that would draw attention from someone else who considers it as some type of kinship in a shared 'hobby'. Most, if not all hobbyists love to share and talk about their hobby with others who have the same interest.
I’m sure that if this guy considered the act of smoking a pipe as a fascinating hobby he would have never reacted the way he did and would have been more than happy to talk to a total stranger about their shared interest. However, I’m sure that to him smoking a pipe was simply the same as smoking a cigarette and then being approached by a total stranger who wished to engage in a conversation about cigarettes! I’m not making excuses for his rash behavior, but simply trying to reason what his thoughts were at the time.

 

[cosmicfolklore]

First off, you,ll never find me in a bar. My definition of jerk is someone in a bar, ha ha.
Second, (sarcasm) there are assholes in Texas? No way, ha ha. (/sarcasm)
Third, do not walk up to me and offer me some tobaccos in a pouch. This has happened to me several times, and they never go well. The first was a guy who thought himself a blender, and the tobacco was mint flavor using Altoids. The second was a very nice old man who offered me his aromatic, and he seemed miffed that I didn't want it. From here on out I just wave it away, and let the chips fall where the may.
But, if there was an issue with how loud you were talking, most likely he couldn't hear very well. I have this problem too. Bars where there is music is like the eight circle of Hell for me. I can't hear and too dark to read lips. My hearing aid rings in my head like a freakin' siren. But, on the other and you will never find me in a bar. People would think I'm an asshole if they tried to talk to me in one of those places.

 

[zekest]

.

You should have poured a pint of Guinness over his boots.

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zFzr_MFX0Ok

 

[johnnyreb]

bullettnbriars,
No one is saying simnett did anything wrong; just trying to explain why he got the reaction to his approach that he did. And I for one am not ready to call the pipe smoking stranger a dick just because he didn't get all warm & fuzzy over simnett's offer of a free flake of tobacco.
Do you consider e-cigs & vaping a hobby? Would you approach a stranger using an e-cig in a bar because you felt a kinship and show him your latest e-cig device in periwinkle? Or how about smokeless tobacco products? The stranger is no hipster; has probably been smoking a pipe for a very long time; probably enjoys it immensely but doesn't think of it as his hobby. If he did think of it as a hobby he would probably come on this forum right now and defend his actions!

 

[shaintiques]

Though the assumption that he is a jerk may be accurate what I have found is that a lot of the old codgers don't get what you are trying to. The PM community has spoiled you. You think that we are all a big brotherhood as this site breeds that, but just imagine yourself as the old codger who isn't on the Internet and doesn't know that the piping world has resurrected. He is puffing along and up comes a very zealous guy trying to talk with him as if you have known him for years just because he is smoking a pipe. And I would say that on most occasions that works but not always. We assume and then judge when people turn out to be different. I have had a similar experience at a pub, old codger smoking a cherry blend in an old Grabow taped with electrical tape. Went up to him because he was smoking a pipe, started talking to him about it and he looked at me like I had a third eye. We get excited seeing other pipe smokers, but these guys don't need or want pipe buddies, they don't want to smoke something different, what they have been doing forever works for them. Does that excuse rudeness, no, but perhaps it just seemed rude because it was not what you expected. Maybe in his mind you coming up out of the blue and offering flakes was rude.

 

[cosmicfolklore]

As I read through all of this, I am baffled at the level of behavior we are deeming as being rude. Someone offers you something, and you say "no" is not rude. If he had told you to stick it up your a$$, or told you to piss off, would have definitely been rude. Punching you in the face would have been obviously rude. Throwing a drink in your face is without a doubt rude. Maybe he could have pawed all over the offer with a, "thank you so very much dear sir fellow pipe smoking brother, but I am very picky about my tobaccos, and I am weary of strange offers of tobaccos from people I don't know. You are so very generous with your offer, but I will have to decline. Thank you again, and I would offer you some of my Carter Hall, but I am on a fixed income and this has to last me till the end of the week. Please sit down and ... yaddi yaddi yaddi."
In fact, I thought that the situation was handled well. But, then again if it had been a girl and I asked to dance and she said no, she'd be a crazy bitch from hell, right?
But, then again, maybe in this ultra polite society, we've lowered the bar on rudeness. I will have to make sure the next time someone offers me something that I don't want that I engage more fully in politeness to offset being called rude. Eh. who says an old dog can't learn a thing or two?
And, I'm sorry of this post offends anyone, as I am just rattling things off the top of my stupid head. I will try to be more attentive to the feelings of others. No butts were meant to be hurt in the making of this comment. ::

 

[simnettpratt]

The angrily yelling at me was the rude part.
I said Hi in a normal volume. He angrily yelled at me for being too quiet.
I said Hi in a louder volume. He angrily yelled at me for being too loud.
I said Would you like to try some of mine? He angrily yelled at me for offering free tobacco.
He would not have been rude if he'd said Louder, Softer, No thank you.
It is said 80% of communication is non-verbal. Reading the text of what we said leaves out that 80%. If the waitress brings you a Coke when you ordered a Dr. Pepper, you can say, Hey, BTW I ordered a Dr. Pepper. Not rude. Angrily yelling at her for the Coke, rude. I didn't approach him like we were long lost brothers of the briar. My first words were, and I quote: Hi, I'm David, how are you? Just that got me angrily yelled at. Apparently he was fine starting conversations with everyone around him. Yelling at a guy for saying Hi how are you is rude. I was there, and got to see the 80% missing in my posts: guy was most definitely rude.
Anyway, I appreciate the responses, and now have some ideas why I might have made him mad, I couldn't figure that out at all. If he'd been keeping to himself, I'd never have approached him.

 

[shaintiques]

And some people are just jerks.

 

[cosmicfolklore]

Ahh, yeh, I know what you mean. My girlfriend's best friend has it out for me, but not in her words, just her whole attitude. She just scowls and has all of these non-verbal attitudes that only I ever seem to be able to see, leaving me complaining, "she told me she didn't like my music," or "she said to move my car." When the negative wasn't in her words, but the fact that she looks at me like I killed her dog and scowls every time we make eye contact. Ugg, and it's hard to convey to my girlfriend, "it's the way she said it."

 

[warren]

Rudeness is simply inexcusable, short of a life threatening situation such as: "Get down you dumb SOB! He's got a gun!" or, "Back off a-hole! I'm contagious!"

 

[cosmicfolklore]

I have a neighbor who only smoke PA in a Grabow. He thinks I'm weird and doesn't tolerate discussing it. He's quite rude, come to think of it. He told me when we first net that all of that tobacco store stuff was sissy crap, and I interpreted this all to be what craft beers are to Bud drinkers or fine waives to a guy drinking Maddog 20/20 on the street.

I have to check on him everyday. I just don't even talk about pipes with him. I just nod and let acknowledge that he's not dead, and carry on. I'm just grateful that pipe clubs aren't full of guys like that.

 

[johnnyreb]

I own a Harley. I hate to think I'm a dick because I don't wave at every kid on a crotchrocket who waves because he thinks we're part of some brotherhood. That really bothers me.
“I hate rude behavior in a man,' he explained in his quiet, unassuming drawl. 'I won't tolerate it.' He politely tipped his hat, and rode away.” ― Larry McMurtry, Lonesome Dove

 

[woodsroad]

I'll chime in here.
No, maybe not.