Male Socializing/Outlets/Clubs/Etc.

[JohnMosesBrowning]

This is a weird message to write and post as I'm not much of an outgoing or "open book" type of person. I am a (male) librarian and work with a staff that is overwhelmingly female. I live with my significant other and we have no children. My male friends that I had when I was younger have moved out of state. I reach out to groups like this forum in part for the "male camaraderie" as much as the pipe and tobacco information I'm assuming.

What do others do to have something that resembles "guy time" in their lives? Groups of existing friends? Bowling and golf leagues? Is anyone an Elk, Moose, or Mason? Have those groups become "family" organizations? Even trying to hang out at the local brewery - it's family game time whenever I go in. Anyway, just throwing this out there to hear some thoughts.

 

[Chasing Embers]

What do others do to have something that resembles "guy time" in their lives?

Not a thing, I enjoy my me time way too much to share it with anybody except my dogs.

 

[AcesAndEights]

I’ve got a wife and three little ones. That takes up most of my time. Plus, I’m forced to socialize with, I mean, the in-laws come over quite often. So I cherish any time I can get to myself.

 

[Kobold]

I’m home all day with my two sons so I get a lot of guy time. When I get any free time I usually like to be alone in the woods.

 

[JohnMosesBrowning]

I’ve got a wife and three little ones. That takes up most of my time. Plus, I’m forced to socialize with, I mean, the in-laws come over quite often. So I cherish any time I can get to myself.

I agree and totally get that...I am someone who absolutely loves having time to myself and get pretty worn down and even a bit depressed from too much socializing. I guess what's getting to me these days is that the socializing I do is either with family or heavy doses of estrogen.

 

[HawkeyeLinus]

I’ve three really close friends I’ve known since HS/college I don’t see often but we keep in touch. Friends I’ve known since we’ve lived where we have for a long time I spend a fair amount time with mostly in the warmer season and enjoy it a lot as well. But having said that, I’ve always been more of a family homebody. Back in the day I took quite a few guy oriented hunting and fishing trips but very small and compatible groups. But a day or two in and I’d want to be home, lol, even though I was having a great time.

Growing up the best times were always family and extended family and the same the entire time our kids were growing up. I’d pick the quiet New Year’s Eve with just us over hanging with adults no matter how much fun they were 9/10 times.

For me, it’s common interests and friendships that get me out there, but I’d always rather be home, lol, or with my folks, etc.

No real advice, I guess. Fraternal organizations weren’t for me, others love them.

If you and your special person have shared interests there are always outlets to explore those interests that lead where they lead. Church, a golf course, volunteer work, who knows.

Sorry I’m probably not much help, but if things aren’t just happening (they’ve just happened for us) you may need to be more intentional about it.

Someday when my sweetie and I are retired we’ll be quite happy doing whatever and being fairly anonymous. Sounds better and better every year!

Tonight she’s upstairs with one of the “boys” and I’m downstairs with the other.

 

[Yadkin1765]

I just signed up for a woodworking open shop course at the local community center. I have plenty of woodworking equipment at home, enough to build whatever I want (still have to build a shop), but I'm doing it to try to engage a new community (moved to a new region the last coupla' years). Honestly, I'm kinda in the same boat as you. I'm bookish with a tendency towards pensive introversion. My advice is to find something that gets you out in the group whether that be golf league, coffee shops, sports, classes, or even solo hiking... hiking has been my medicament since I was a teen.

Have to admit, already been trying to figure if smoking a pipe would be a faux pas at the community center in the evenings--its kinda uppity around here in coastal NE. But, it would be nice to step outside for a few (especially if I'm waiting for a machine) and have a short (20 min) puff--maybe find some camaraderie in the pipe weed or elicit new interest from the curious.

Main point is, you got this... just go do you and others will be there to join you in the adventure.

 

[The Algerian]

I enjoy my time with my friends. I don’t see them as much as I would like to, but when we do get together it is always a good time.

 

[bullet08]

Two friends from college days are near me. We meet few times a year over some beer. Used to hang out more often, but with kids and what not, the frequency has gone down a lot. Probably once my friends' kids are off to college, it will pick up again.

 

[georged]

No idea if you care for the game, but steel tip darts at the pub and league level is 100% guy territory.

It's like hockey. Popular in some states/regions, non-existent in others.

Ohio used to have quite a bit, so SE Michigan probably does.

 

[hoosierpipeguy]

I belong to a Country Club and play golf with 12 to 24 other guys. Also have a Florida Pipe Club meeting a few times per year.

 

[Chasing Embers]

I guess what's getting to me these days is that the socializing I do is either with family or heavy doses of estrogen.

Welcome to adulthood. Those are the only people that really matter anyway.

 

[fireground_piper]

I joined the volunteer fire service and did that for 6-7 years until they recently pissed me off enough to go inactive.

I did not do it for any type of socializing though, I did it for something interesting to do locally but my experience is that it’s usually very cliquey which is good for someone seeking that. I just wanted to do stuff that’s not normally accessible to the common person, and it does succeed in that. It also would succeed in fulfilling camaraderie if that was a purpose as well though……they love to tell stories all freaking night long.

 

[trouttimes]

 

[TheIronMonkey]

Years ago, I played in league darts on Monday and Tuesday nights. I have played table tennis almost every Wednesday at my brother's place with several friends since about 1985 (he added another floor to his loft and had a dedicated room built for our games about ten years ago)—I missed about a year of playing after I tore my left calf muscle going for a wide cross court return in a game of doubles, and we missed about two years because of the pandemic, but, we're back at it on Wednesday nights. I used to put together a monthly get-together with a group of friends at a variety of bars over the years to watch the UFC PPV fights since maybe around 2010(?)—at the last place, we almost had what amounted a private area reserved for our group; we were considered regulars and the manager used to save event posters for me—the beer was expensive, the sound got bad, and the TV went on the fritz once too often, so, we ended up hosting at Susan's apartment around 2018—we had better craft beer and whisky and food; again, the pandemic kind of killed things after that.

I suppose if you try to find people/friends with common interests, you could organize some kind of regular gathering.

 

[The Amish Tyrant]

Being from Michigan, check out the Metro Times events. The have various gatherings and concepts, from concerts, to improv comedy, to art shows and plays.

Join a club, theater group, or fraternity. Or start a euchre tournament. Various churches have activities as well.

The corner spot at a quiet dive bar can work wonders too.

 

[The Algerian]

Welcome to adulthood. Those are the only people that really matter anyway.

I wouldn't be so quick to use the word adulthood. For some people, what you wrote is accurate. For others, 100,000 years of social evolution and genetics makes it clear that having friendships is a positive part of life. People in Blue Zones typically add decades to their lives because of the rich and wonderful experiences they have with friends and the community. The data for is clear. Maintaining friendships and being a vital member of an extended community increases the likelihood of reaching a 100 years of longevity. If having a positive experiences with people outside the immediate family is a challenge or is unpleasant, that seems to be more anecdotal than scientific. But I would very much be interested in reading scientific journal articles that support focusing only on the immediate family to the exclusion of all other relationships and friendships.

Blue zone friends

 

[Chasing Embers]

Maintaining friendships and being a vital member of an extended community increases the likelihood of reaching a 100 years of longevity.

Thank God I'm not social. Societal investigations never impressed me much due to many of them not including regional diet, environmental conditions, heredity, and career information. Add to the fact that over the past few years I've lost the majority of my faith in science.

 

[Papamique]

I get together with a few friends and smoke pipes and cigars a couple times a month. I also have male friends that I talk to on a regular basis. Either via phone or in person.other than that, I enjoy spending time with my wife and daughters the most! They are the absolute best humans I know.

 

[Chasing Embers]

If having a positive experiences with people outside the immediate family is a challenge or is unpleasant, that seems to be more anecdotal than scientific.

Not challenging, but undesirable. Science has a name for it, the Sigma personality type.