Introvert/Extrovert

[mso489]

I think the U.S. has extroversion as its default personality trait. If you aren't extroverted, you are expected to fake it to the degree possible, develop a faux outgoing personality that will sustain the illusion that nearly everyone loves being with other people most of the time, even though less than half the population feels that way, and it is all highly variable up and down the scale. I can "do" extroversion, but then I have to recharge for a few weeks, reliving and digesting the overexposure to people. I love 'em, but in small doses. Some European countries are much more accepting of quiet and reserve, as are many Asian countries. But in the U.S., we're all supposed to evince party animal tendencies. Where are you on the scale?

 

[smokiespipesmoker123]

Yes

 

[timt]

Introvert all the way. Also, very grateful to be at a point in my life where I seldom need to fake it.

 

[cosmicfolklore]

Most people misconstrue what being an introvert is. I remember from a college psyche class that it was more about how someone uses socialization than just not wanting to be around people. I tested as an extreme introvert. I tend to give off an energy in crowds in the form of my attention. I attract extroverts, who feed off of attention. All through college my best friend was a crowd whore. He would take control of any room and have everyone captivated with stories and camaraderie. And, when not in crowds, we were sort of on equal footing with our conversations. But, I have no desire to take control of a room like that.

I think that what most people misconstrue as introverted is a social anxiety. One of daughters has this. It is also present in older folks, especially as social norms change and they are left confused.

My wife is an extrovert. She takes control of rooms as well. At restaurants I will sometimes have to go looking for her and then find her with half the restaurant captivated by her stories. We are a perfect mix.

I also get bored very easily, but as art is my calling, I can spend weeks at a time in the studio working at my jeweler's bench. I don't really have to go looking for a crowd. But, that doesn't mean that I don't enjoy being in a crowd. I just don't want the attention on me. I will gladly let my wife take the spotlight. She can have everyone laughing like crazy in minutes. But, it does get annoying sometimes when I want to work, and she wants to talk.

Now, I also coach Speech and Debate, because I have spent a lifetime observing what it takes to take control of a room and communicate effectively. If a student has to give the graduation address, it's my job to prep them. Some of my team will give humorous Interps, Impromptus, Dramatic Interps, as well as traditional debates. I can prepare them, but put me at the podium in front of a large crowd and my shirt will be drenched in sweat.

 

[mso489]

I think I confuse people. Like many introverts, under some circumstances, I handle speaking to an audience well. I enjoy holding the attention of a group for a while. I'm a fair story teller and anecdote teller. On the other hand, I can go for weeks without a conversation with anyone other than my wife. The ringing of a phone horrifies me, no matter what or who. I can't carry a cell phone turned on. After I've had a conversation with someone I don't know well, I beat myself up remembering what I said "wrong," even though I am habitually tactful. Social engagement is not mostly pleasing. When people are angry or rude, that tends to end my social contacts for a month. I work around all this. I work independently quite well, am usually happy with my own company, and have had good personal relationships, though my own emotional distancing means that it takes other people years to realize that I more trustworthy than most. I knew one of my late wife's friends for years before she knew I was a military veteran. So that's a clue about how I am.

 

[cigrmaster]

If you want to make big money in sales or own your won business, you had better be an extrovert. I was at the top of the extrovert scale during my business career.

Now I am retired I am much more an introvert. I have no need to dominate other people so I can make money off of them. I have a few friends I am still an extrovert with as that is my normal behavior, but I have toned down quite a bit from my peak.

 

[mso489]

cigrmaster, I don't know about you, but in general, I think it is truly hard on people who are not innately extroverted who must impersonate that personality trait, so much so that many introverts don't even know that is their nature. I think a lot of substance abuse arises from exactly that, trying to anesthetize oneself to be someone you aren't, the fraternity party syndrome. This may not be you, but it is many many people.

 

[cosmicfolklore]

I don't know about businessmen needing to be extroverted. I can work one on one with any customer. In fact after 30 years of doing it. I don't remember once having to address more than one person at a time. And, as an introvert, I am a great listener, which is something that customers really want in a salesman. It probably just matters more what type of business someone is talking about.

 

[anotherbob]

me I'am broad spectrum on this front. I need both to be sane. I cherish both terribly. I can sometimes starve cause I don't want to deal with people and also sometimes in the past could pick up joggers and other random people at a park. Also I like being the center of attention as well as wishing I could go invisible.

 

[kurtbob]

I’m in the same shape as @timt

 

[ashdigger]

I’m an extrovert. Since I run my own company and have to self initiate and go places by myself with almost no notice and then stand on my own feet it really helps.
But when I’m not “on” I’m an introvert to the extreme.

 

[cosmicfolklore]

You know... as an introvert, I've never felt a need to artificially enhance myself with drugs or even alcohol. I'm not even sure if something like that would work. However, the people that I know of who did have problems with coke and alcohol, were already extroverts, and continued to be afterwards. Adding coke or alcohol just tended to turn them into extroverted assholes. Not, better extroverts. But, I could be missing something. I've never had the drug in front of me, nor wanted it to be.

 

[Wellington]

I think the U.S. has extroversion as its default personality trait. If you aren't extroverted, you are expected to fake it to the degree possible, develop a faux outgoing personality that will sustain the illusion that nearly everyone loves being with other people most of the time, even though less than half the population feels that way, and it is all highly variable up and down the scale. I can "do" extroversion, but then I have to recharge for a few weeks, reliving and digesting the overexposure to people. I love 'em, but in small doses. Some European countries are much more accepting of quiet and reserve, as are many Asian countries. But in the U.S., we're all supposed to evince party animal tendencies. Where are you on the scale?

Yep, I'm very much an introvert, always have been. Crowds completely exhaust me, even having friends over is a challenge, I do it and it's not that i don't enjoy it, but if I acted on my natural instincts I'd never leave the yard.

 

[warren]

Chameleon here. I can play whatever part is required at the moment. I am asocial though.

 

[canucklehead]

Very introverted, and moderate to severe social anxiety. My wife is extremely extroverted, she will have conversations with strangers in grocery store lines.

I really do like to go out and socialize with people, just not for too long, and not very often.

 

[olkofri]

'Nuff said.

 

[mso489]

I think a lot of couples pair off with the opposite nature. The introvert provides a dependable home base, and the extrovert provides some social dimension and range. In the same way, I think night owls seem attracted to morning people, maybe from living in caves to keep the fires burning all night. Often times women are more extroverted than their husbands, since women (and I probably stereotype here) have a much higher level of social skills and tend to be more verbal, and realize that "rules" aren't everything in life, whereas men want to know the rules and depend on them. Women often only want to know the rules so they can re-negotiate them. Women in general have a much better sense of the innate foolishness of humans.

 

[cigrmaster]

From around 1978 till 2017 I worked with the public in a variety of ways. I would get off work and just go home and tell everyone give me some time to decompress. There were also times when in the car business a bit of drinking would go around some after work
Constantly dealing with a potential customer, a vendor. a tax accessor, a health insurance company, a commercial real estate insurance company, a tax collector, a mayor or city council member basically one person after another trying to take money out of your pocket. It is always a battle and when I am done with the daily fight I need to get time alone and just chill. I dealt with people for 12-14 hours a day at times and when I was done I needed either my time of just my sleep.

I love retirement, I get up around 2pm, go to bed around 1-2. I still have to fuck with insurance companies but that is about in and I give most of the work to my daughter in law school. She needs practice with their type of scum along with others. I can go weeks and only see my live in caretaker and a couple of my kids who are close to home. There can be days when I get my coffee smoke my pipes, hang out on line, express what I want for dinner smoke my after dinner pipe and have really no conversation for almost all the day. I like it.

 

[mikethompson]

I'm so much of an introvert I almost didn't post this.

 

[uprightman]

I teach Psych AP and this is a topic that students always struggle with. I like the above graphic for a quick look. Introvert doesn’t mean shy necessarily. I think it is likely and even common to exhibit traits on both sides. I’m more of an introvert. As a teacher I need to engage groups, communicate effectively, be expressive, be able to make quick decisions with regards to my lessons in order to teach effectively, but by the end of the day I’m seeking alone time to recharge. An extrovert might also do those things, but want to keep socializing after the work day.