Humorous Reviews...
- Thread starter briarbuck
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The world was different back then. Maybe not perfect, but different.
There was a review of 5 brothers by a character known as BriarChef that @pipestud and yours truly think just might be the best review in the history of TR. Heck, I would say it is the funniest review of anything ever posted anywhere at any time in the history of product reviews. (Though a close second would be the review of Sugar Free Gummy Bears posted on Amazon by a parent who let his two toddlers consume an inordinate amount while on a long drive to start out a family vacation. Sugar Free Gummy Bears contain, or contained, Sorbitol. If you have a colonoscopy scheduled and don’t want to drink the awful tasting prep fluid, just go get a bag of sugar free candy that uses Sorbitol).
At any rate, the BriarChef review has disappeared. I have even hunted through the EmeritusAccount 5B reviews at some length, no luck. Perhaps @pipestud has a copy.
At any rate, the BriarChef review has disappeared. I have even hunted through the EmeritusAccount 5B reviews at some length, no luck. Perhaps @pipestud has a copy.
A good review of Five Brothers, but not the classic from BriarChef
“My Father-in-Law smoked this stuff, so I think he was trying to get rid of me when he gave me a pouch to try. I usually smoke Prince Albert, and E.A. Carey's blends.
When I opened the pouch, the aroma took over the environment. My cat hissed and arched her back (they really can detect evil....). All the house plants died...even the plastic ones. The room note was classic peat bog.
As I took a deep breath and filled my pipe, it was squirming in my hand, trying to get away. I should've stopped right there. It lit easily, unfortunately. After my first puff, my whole life flashed in front of my eyes...it was very depressing.... Have you ever smelled the peat that nightcrawlers are in when you buy a carton of them at a bait store? That was what this tasted and smelled like, with a little burly thrown in for camouflage. I experienced major vertigo, so it was a good thing I was sitting down. After the second puff...just before I passed out, I had visions of guys in Environmental suits placing my pipe, and this tobacco in ziplock bags, and decontaminating the house.
Seriously, this is the absolute worst...whatever it is, I have ever tried to smoke. It really does taste like worm-dirt, with some cow-chips mixed in, and smells even worse. It is strong enough to floor a Water Buffalo. I really did have to throw the pipe away, carefully....I could never get the smell or taste out of my DIplomat, even after repeated cleanings with pipe sweetener.
I could only manage a few puffs of this before putting it out. I couldn't smoke it long enough to tell if it burned hot, or not.
You should have to have a license from the EPA to even sell this stuff. I would definitely advise anyone to avoid this 'blend' at all costs, unless you are on some kind of macho-trip, or really into self-mutilation. I smoke for pleasure, and I have nothing to prove.
Pipe Used: Missouri Meerschaum
Age When Smoked: 1 day
Purchased From: My Father-In-Law
Similar Blends: Worm-Dirt.
21 people found this review helpful.
“My Father-in-Law smoked this stuff, so I think he was trying to get rid of me when he gave me a pouch to try. I usually smoke Prince Albert, and E.A. Carey's blends.
When I opened the pouch, the aroma took over the environment. My cat hissed and arched her back (they really can detect evil....). All the house plants died...even the plastic ones. The room note was classic peat bog.
As I took a deep breath and filled my pipe, it was squirming in my hand, trying to get away. I should've stopped right there. It lit easily, unfortunately. After my first puff, my whole life flashed in front of my eyes...it was very depressing.... Have you ever smelled the peat that nightcrawlers are in when you buy a carton of them at a bait store? That was what this tasted and smelled like, with a little burly thrown in for camouflage. I experienced major vertigo, so it was a good thing I was sitting down. After the second puff...just before I passed out, I had visions of guys in Environmental suits placing my pipe, and this tobacco in ziplock bags, and decontaminating the house.
Seriously, this is the absolute worst...whatever it is, I have ever tried to smoke. It really does taste like worm-dirt, with some cow-chips mixed in, and smells even worse. It is strong enough to floor a Water Buffalo. I really did have to throw the pipe away, carefully....I could never get the smell or taste out of my DIplomat, even after repeated cleanings with pipe sweetener.
I could only manage a few puffs of this before putting it out. I couldn't smoke it long enough to tell if it burned hot, or not.
You should have to have a license from the EPA to even sell this stuff. I would definitely advise anyone to avoid this 'blend' at all costs, unless you are on some kind of macho-trip, or really into self-mutilation. I smoke for pleasure, and I have nothing to prove.
Pipe Used: Missouri Meerschaum
Age When Smoked: 1 day
Purchased From: My Father-In-Law
Similar Blends: Worm-Dirt.
21 people found this review helpful.
Fribourg & Treyer - Special Brown Flake
by aztobaccosavant
Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Matey. This here Old Tobey harkened back to the pirate days of yore. Fantastic, let me dare say amazing pressed Virginia flake. Ever so delightfully topped with what 37.66 years of experience tells me is an effluvial ester ridden grog that would make her majesty Queen Elizabeth sit straight up in her throne and pass wind. Not a loud one mind you, just a satisfied one cheek sneak of a squeegee.
Ahhhhh. What was I saying. This stink weed is so amazing I digressed into an intellectual coma. Amazing flake. I know. I have tons of experience rubbing one out. A bowl of flake that is.
And to all you ninnys who insist on flake being smoked out of a small bowled pipe, I say balderdash and drink from the spittoon of Biezelbub. I smoked this is any damn size pipes I could find. Amazing. This flake is so damn fine it makes you want to slap your granny.
Pipe Used: Dunhill groups 2-6, cob, 76 year old Meer
Age When Smoked: 1.265 years in the tin.
Purchased From: The store fool
Similar Blends: Zastertsins Olde Monkeys Tail flake. But they stopped production of that right before the big one WWII..
4 people found this review helpful.
by aztobaccosavant
Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Matey. This here Old Tobey harkened back to the pirate days of yore. Fantastic, let me dare say amazing pressed Virginia flake. Ever so delightfully topped with what 37.66 years of experience tells me is an effluvial ester ridden grog that would make her majesty Queen Elizabeth sit straight up in her throne and pass wind. Not a loud one mind you, just a satisfied one cheek sneak of a squeegee.
Ahhhhh. What was I saying. This stink weed is so amazing I digressed into an intellectual coma. Amazing flake. I know. I have tons of experience rubbing one out. A bowl of flake that is.
And to all you ninnys who insist on flake being smoked out of a small bowled pipe, I say balderdash and drink from the spittoon of Biezelbub. I smoked this is any damn size pipes I could find. Amazing. This flake is so damn fine it makes you want to slap your granny.
Pipe Used: Dunhill groups 2-6, cob, 76 year old Meer
Age When Smoked: 1.265 years in the tin.
Purchased From: The store fool
Similar Blends: Zastertsins Olde Monkeys Tail flake. But they stopped production of that right before the big one WWII..
4 people found this review helpful.