Being a Codger is Hard

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For you youngin’s out there, your time is coming…
It’s difficult and daunting to be a codger. By now, it should be as natural as my hair falling out, but it takes work, practice, over and over. It’s very difficult. You can't let your guard down for a minute.

Like, wearing compression socks with your sandals. I thought I was never going to get used to it, because the younger me hardly ever wore socks to begin with. They’re so confining… and constrict around your calves. It’s hard! I want to just go barefoot, but apparently if I don’t wear these socks, then it’s really hard to be codger I am born to be.

Always frowning. My eyes just belie my true feelings. Frowns are just relaxing away that smile into a more casual facial, but I can’t control my eyes. Some days I am just happy to be breathing, and my damned eyes give that feeling away. But, frowning… it’s just hard. It is supposed to be easier than smiling, but it makes my face hurt so much.

I see kids out playing in the street in front of my house. It looks like they are having fun. I know that it is my duty to yell at them and make them run away, but some days… Some days I just get tired of just watching birds in the bird feeder. I know, I know… they’ll kill my grass by walking on it. So, “Scram kids!” But, it’s hard. Every day threatening the kids with a stick, threatening to call their deadbeat drug using parents. Every day… the grass isn’t dead yet. Can I skip today? Nope, it’s my job now. F’n kids!!

And, those codger blends… I know that I am supposed to like them, but I just can’t handle them. They’re aromatics that suck. They make my truck smell like farts, and they taste like shit. Maybe this is what is supposed to fuel the other codger aspects. If I constantly torture myself with nasty Prince Albert or Sir Raleigh, or… Carter Hall… then my hate and disgust with the world is easier?

And, why can I not wash my hands without immediately having to pee. I can’t even water the plants without running to a tree as soon as I turn on the water. Hell, just thinking about water is… I’ll be right back.

Ok, so maybe compression socks are supposed to keep me from peeing so much? Carter Hall helps me with my smiling problem, as I focus on the hatred that I am smoking, my eyes relax more into a natural loathing. But, keeping the kids off my yard is the hardest. It’s like keeping the dogs out of the cat box. The moment you aren’t looking…


What is the hardest part of being a codger for you?
 

verporchting

Lifer
Dec 30, 2018
3,006
9,307
I’m finding it more and more difficult not to say exactly what I’m thinking these days, which is proving to be an issue. I’ve tried explaining that it’s probably just late onset Tourette’s but mostly people aren’t buying it, which then leads me to explaining that if they weren’t such useless f’ng idiots and a compelling proof that Darwin was just a misguided bird watcher and then launching into a ten minute tirade on the multitude of reasons why they are a waste of raw materials ...

Yeah, I’m gonna go hose down some little bastards playing on my grass and pack another pipe. This is hard work. Dammit.
 

mso489

Lifer
Feb 21, 2013
41,211
60,648
They just don't make codgers like they used to, that's a fact. Tom Waits became a codger at the age of twenty, assuming the rumbly-growly voice, and generally filling the role. He pointed out that the major attraction of being a codger for him was getting to wear all the cool hats. I think cosmic and I have that part under control. On the non-codger side, I do avoid saying that young people know more than I ever will, or alternately, that they are worthless and will never amount to anything. However, I do use a flashlight to get to the bathroom in the middle of the night -- big codger points there. And I do repeat stories, though I am aware that I do. I've been practicing codger driving since I was 16-years-old, so I've perfected that.
 
Oh driving... I meant to include that in my OP.
It's so hard maintaining 20MPH in a 50 zone. I've got 8 cylinders, ready to go, but... slow... I guess I'm not suposed to drive faster than I can think, so I don;t want to end up somewhere I haven't yet thought of, so Ssssssllloooooowwwwww.... but, it's so hard. Even when I ignore the line of cars behind me... it's just hard not to press harder on the accelerator.

But, Sundays, it's just easier to drive slow. I'm not sure why.
 

mso489

Lifer
Feb 21, 2013
41,211
60,648
John Glenn was a super cool dude and eventually the oldest astronaut to go into space. A joke was that you could tell it was him in orbit if you watched the night sky and saw a space vehicle passing overhead with its turn signal left on.
 
Mar 2, 2021
3,473
14,254
Alabama USA
For you youngin’s out there, your time is coming…
It’s difficult and daunting to be a codger. By now, it should be as natural as my hair falling out, but it takes work, practice, over and over. It’s very difficult. You can't let your guard down for a minute.

Like, wearing compression socks with your sandals. I thought I was never going to get used to it, because the younger me hardly ever wore socks to begin with. They’re so confining… and constrict around your calves. It’s hard! I want to just go barefoot, but apparently if I don’t wear these socks, then it’s really hard to be codger I am born to be.

Always frowning. My eyes just belie my true feelings. Frowns are just relaxing away that smile into a more casual facial, but I can’t control my eyes. Some days I am just happy to be breathing, and my damned eyes give that feeling away. But, frowning… it’s just hard. It is supposed to be easier than smiling, but it makes my face hurt so much.

I see kids out playing in the street in front of my house. It looks like they are having fun. I know that it is my duty to yell at them and make them run away, but some days… Some days I just get tired of just watching birds in the bird feeder. I know, I know… they’ll kill my grass by walking on it. So, “Scram kids!” But, it’s hard. Every day threatening the kids with a stick, threatening to call their deadbeat drug using parents. Every day… the grass isn’t dead yet. Can I skip today? Nope, it’s my job now. F’n kids!!

And, those codger blends… I know that I am supposed to like them, but I just can’t handle them. They’re aromatics that suck. They make my truck smell like farts, and they taste like shit. Maybe this is what is supposed to fuel the other codger aspects. If I constantly torture myself with nasty Prince Albert or Sir Raleigh, or… Carter Hall… then my hate and disgust with the world is easier?

And, why can I not wash my hands without immediately having to pee. I can’t even water the plants without running to a tree as soon as I turn on the water. Hell, just thinking about water is… I’ll be right back.

Ok, so maybe compression socks are supposed to keep me from peeing so much? Carter Hall helps me with my smiling problem, as I focus on the hatred that I am smoking, my eyes relax more into a natural loathing. But, keeping the kids off my yard is the hardest. It’s like keeping the dogs out of the cat box. The moment you aren’t looking…


What is the hardest part of being a codger for you?
Turning 40 sounds like it was hard on you....lol!

Age is a state of mind. If you use it to think someone owes you something, you’ll probably going to be sad.

Age and wisdom are no necessarily compatible.

The children and now there children keep me in a good place. Shopping for bicycles and putting up hammock poles in the back yard is what I want to do.
 

verporchting

Lifer
Dec 30, 2018
3,006
9,307
Some time back a bunch of friends and I got tickets to really edgy live show in a distinctly bad part Denver. The kind of place where cars disappear or get stripped.

None of my friends wanted to park their cars anywhere near the area and catching a bus at that time of night was just not going to happen without a SEAL team for backup.

I volunteered to drive my four door Buick and drive all of us. I parked on the street and laid a crocheted Afghan on the back seat and put a huge box of Kleenex in the rear window, locked the doors and wandered in to the venue. Came back at 1:00 a.m. to a completely unmolested car, lol.

My friends stopped giving me shit about driving a granny boat after that.

The show was great too! Lez Zeppelin - a lesbian cover band of Led Zeppelin music. The venue was a complete shithole but the drinks were cheap and nasty, lol. The music was fantastic.

I guess I was aiming at Codger status even back then? At least with the car.
 
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