Being a Codger is Hard

[Servant King]

Oh, and sex... you can have sex for hours, but the bad part is my wife only stays awake for about 15 minutes.

Ouch! And everyone puts so much importance on finishing at the same time as one's partner. I think it's more important to begin at the same time.

 

[mso489]

Cribbage. I've got to learn to play cribbage. Those flip-up sunglasses that clip on your regular glasses. A green eyeshade. Practice dad jokes. Cool walking canes, not the orthopedic looking aluminum ones. Smaller dogs that don't have to walk as far. A stamp or coin collection, good at any age. Sen-sen or Tic-Tacs. Assume everyone likes warm milk and oatmeal for lunch. I need one of those caps with my Navy ship's name on it. New Balance running shoes for around the house and yard -- I just threw out a pair where the heel was separating from the shoe. A household shrine to grandchildren, or if none, borrow nieces and nephews. Bingo nights, a definite social occasion. Sing-alongs. Beatles on vinyl. Pocket watches with flip open lids -- you tell kids to blow on it and flip it open like magic. You get to wear a jacket and tie to the grocery if you want and no one will think you are going to a job interview. Practice the line, "Back in my day." Start remembering things as personal anecdotes that happened before you were born. Just getting started. They sky is the limit. Time for a nap.

 

[cosmicfolklore]

I've seen cribbage mentioned a few times on this forum, but I had never heard of it before. Is that like dominoes, because I can can rule at dominoes. I also need to get my belt come come up over my belly button. Is there a trick to that?

 

[jaytex1969]

I also need to get my belt come come up over my belly button. Is there a trick to that?

If you were wearing suspenders with the belt like you're supposed to, you could yank them up much higher, properly showing off those compression socks.

 

[RonB]

It's hard coming up with new noises and grunts when I stand up from being on my knees or on the floor, doing some project or playing with my five year old grandson. My grandson already has all my noises down pat and mimics me.

 

[kcghost]

The never ending looking for something and when I get half through forgetting what in hell I am looking for.

 

[mso489]

I'm having a war with my belts. Suspenders are the answer, but accentuate even a modest gut into a beer belly. It's the vertical lines demarking the convex abdomen. Plus, the suspender clips often don't hold, so you have to go to buttons. Ugh. I used to go without a belt or suspenders when my ass was bigger. No problem then. It's all just nature's plan to keep life interesting.

 

[hoosierpipeguy]

I’m finding it more and more difficult not to say exactly what I’m thinking these days, which is proving to be an issue. I’ve tried explaining that it’s probably just late onset Tourette’s but mostly people aren’t buying it, which then leads me to explaining that if they weren’t such useless f’ng idiots and a compelling proof that Darwin was just a misguided bird watcher and then launching into a ten minute tirade on the multitude of reasons why they are a waste of raw materials ...

Yeah, I’m gonna go hose down some little bastards playing on my grass and pack another pipe. This is hard work. Dammit.

This has never been an issue for me, I've always been fairly unfiltered. As I get older, it doesn't seem to bother people as much. I guess they just think I'm an old fool.

 

[mso489]

Cribbage is a card game with the score kept on a board with pegs. That's all I know and all I'm likely to know. Actually, it was popular with ship crews going back into history, perhaps because it is quite time consuming and therefore a pastime when not much is going on aboard. Ship crews tend to rotate between heavy labor, hectic response to weather and mishaps, and long stretches of limbo, when cribbage might be a good idea. The senior crew members have more leisure time -- rank has its privileges, as they said.

 

[Richmond B. Funkenhouser]

Its the stability.. that's the one I struggle with. The calm freedom, its hard to get used to.. believe it or not.

 

[tbradsim1]

I always get in trouble, hard for me to stray from the truth, wife has a beauty shop, One old lady tried a new hairdo, I got off work, opened shop door( converted 3 car Garage) poked head in, Old gal says Bradley how do you like my new hairdo? Wife making no no hand waves behind her, Looks like hell I say, I push off, that night I get it from my wife. I say well it looked like hell. She had to redo her. Well it looked like hell!

 

[mso489]

The hairdo question reminds me, what are you supposed to say if someone shows you their really homely baby? One pretty good maneuver is to say, "Now, that's a baby!" Not direct, but you don't have to fib, much. "Now that's a hairdo."

 

[Fiddlepiper]

Cribbage is a card game with the score kept on a board with pegs. That's all I know and all I'm likely to know. Actually, it was popular with ship crews going back into history, perhaps because it is quite time consuming and therefore a pastime when not much is going on aboard. Ship crews tend to rotate between heavy labor, hectic response to weather and mishaps, and long stretches of limbo, when cribbage might be a good idea. The senior crew members have more leisure time -- rank has its privileges, as they said.

Cribbage is a great card game. We played a lot at my Aunt and Uncles. It’s all about pegging round the board by creating points scores with doubles, 3 of a kind, 4 of a kind, runs, flushes and 15s. It’s definitely worth trying. I occasionally play with my father in law these days.

oh and I reckon I’m a codger in waiting...

 

[briarbuck]

For you youngin’s out there, your time is coming…
It’s difficult and daunting to be a codger. By now, it should be as natural as my hair falling out, but it takes work, practice, over and over. It’s very difficult. You can't let your guard down for a minute.

Like, wearing compression socks with your sandals. I thought I was never going to get used to it, because the younger me hardly ever wore socks to begin with. They’re so confining… and constrict around your calves. It’s hard! I want to just go barefoot, but apparently if I don’t wear these socks, then it’s really hard to be codger I am born to be.

Always frowning. My eyes just belie my true feelings. Frowns are just relaxing away that smile into a more casual facial, but I can’t control my eyes. Some days I am just happy to be breathing, and my damned eyes give that feeling away. But, frowning… it’s just hard. It is supposed to be easier than smiling, but it makes my face hurt so much.

I see kids out playing in the street in front of my house. It looks like they are having fun. I know that it is my duty to yell at them and make them run away, but some days… Some days I just get tired of just watching birds in the bird feeder. I know, I know… they’ll kill my grass by walking on it. So, “Scram kids!” But, it’s hard. Every day threatening the kids with a stick, threatening to call their deadbeat drug using parents. Every day… the grass isn’t dead yet. Can I skip today? Nope, it’s my job now. F’n kids!!

And, those codger blends… I know that I am supposed to like them, but I just can’t handle them. They’re aromatics that suck. They make my truck smell like farts, and they taste like shit. Maybe this is what is supposed to fuel the other codger aspects. If I constantly torture myself with nasty Prince Albert or Sir Raleigh, or… Carter Hall… then my hate and disgust with the world is easier?

And, why can I not wash my hands without immediately having to pee. I can’t even water the plants without running to a tree as soon as I turn on the water. Hell, just thinking about water is… I’ll be right back.

Ok, so maybe compression socks are supposed to keep me from peeing so much? Carter Hall helps me with my smiling problem, as I focus on the hatred that I am smoking, my eyes relax more into a natural loathing. But, keeping the kids off my yard is the hardest. It’s like keeping the dogs out of the cat box. The moment you aren’t looking…


What is the hardest part of being a codger for you?

On a positive note...socks with Berkenstocks have made a comeback and is you're now one of the cool kids.

 

[danimalia]

Some time back a bunch of friends and I got tickets to really edgy live show in a distinctly bad part Denver. The kind of place where cars disappear or get stripped.

None of my friends wanted to park their cars anywhere near the area and catching a bus at that time of night was just not going to happen without a SEAL team for backup.

I volunteered to drive my four door Buick and drive all of us. I parked on the street and laid a crocheted Afghan on the back seat and put a huge box of Kleenex in the rear window, locked the doors and wandered in to the venue. Came back at 1:00 a.m. to a completely unmolested car, lol.

My friends stopped giving me shit about driving a granny boat after that.

The show was great too! Lez Zeppelin - a lesbian cover band of Led Zeppelin music. The venue was a complete shithole but the drinks were cheap and nasty, lol. The music was fantastic.

I guess I was aiming at Codger status even back then? At least with the car.

I went to see Lez Zeppelin one time, with Misfits tribute band Plan 9.... I got thrown out of the show before Lez Zeppelin's set, though. It was alright, I just went home and did some drugs ?

 

[danimalia]

I need one of those caps with my Navy ship's name on it.

That right there.. Wearing the mesh-backed cap with your ship or military service details is the codgerest of codger moves ?

 

[Grangerous]

Right as the mail, every morning, at 6:30am, my grandfather would take a healthy dump. Problem was he’d occasionally sleep til 7.

 

[anotherbob]

folks this is what denial looks like.

 

[DAR]

I have totally given up on some things....... At home I sit on the toilet to pee . Just standing there makes me tired and there's a mirror over the the master bathroom toilet and I'm sick of looking at myself when I pee......... Also, I can't seem to give up my collection of Birkenstocks (no socks) that I've been wearing since the 70's. They're comfortable , damnit!

 

[mso489]

A woman acquaintance of mine in college said she could tell what year a woman was married by the clothes and hairstyle she wore. Not always true, but sometimes yes. Maybe it's what year men retired. At some point you realize you aren't going to discover a new dimension of yourself at the clothing store, but an update now and then is a good idea. The jokes on this thread weave between denial and self-acceptance.