A Bar Exam for Pipesmokers

[cosmicfolklore]

It really is too easy for people to become pipesmokers. They'll just let anyone walk in off the streets buy a pipe, smoke it, and everyone just lets them do it. What good is doing something that just anyone else can do also? This drives me nuts. We see it day in and day out... "Hi, I just bought a pipe, and now I am like you guys." WTF people!!! So like, if you have the cash to get started, you can just start? I've even seem pipesmokers "ENCOURAGING" other people to start. Even going as far as HELPING them get started. Disgusting!!!

So, I propose we come up with a test that one has to score at least 95% of the answers correctly before we even allow them to buy a pipe. I mean, I am not even putting a cap on how cheap the first pipe has to be. One could even get them one of them redneck hobo corncob things, as long as they hide it in shame when they see a real pipesmoker walk by. None of this arrogant poor man thing. We don't need that sort of classism going on.

Anyways... I was thinking a few questions could be...

Which method of packing a pipe is acceptable?
A. The Frank Method
B. the three handshake method
C. The codger scoop
D. none of the above

Circle the one category of pipe tobacco that is incorrect.
A. aromatics
B. Englishes
C. Virginias
D. Lakelands.

Which pipe style is in the bulldog family of pipe shapes
A. Pit pipes
B. Billiards
C. Pugs
D. Rhodesians

Which one is not a real tobacco.
A. Escudo
B. 1Q
C. Astleys 109
D. Nightcap

See what I did there? Give me some more questions to go on our Pipesmokers Bar Exam.

 

[olkofri]

A
B
D
B

 

[cosmicfolklore]

I mean, help me come up with more questions.

 

[olkofri]

Pipe smokers are educated and are not afraid to deal with subjects like physics and math. Fear of formulae is for potheads. Therefore:

Explain briefly and articulately how pipe chamber geometry affects flavour delivery. Conclude which pipe shape is the best for each tobacco genre.

 

[TheWhale13]

Not only that. Pipe smokers are very adept with most of the natural sciences. Therefore, this easy question must be included: What is the mechanism of action behind meerschaum coloring?

 

[AcesAndEights]

If you get marooned on a desert island, which blend is waiting for you there?

 

[Piping Abe]

Which one of these brands is a factory pipe?

A. Dunhill
B. Castello
C. Ser Jacopo
D. Nording

 

[SBC]

E.C. Essay Question:

Discuss the three strongest arguments against Rick Newcombe's contention that the Liverpool should occupy the first quarter of the Canadian quadrant.

 

[verporchting]

The BAR exam always contains at least a few examples of “attractive distractors” in which there are two easily discernible wrong answers (assuming you know the subject), one “best” answer, and the infamous attractive but incorrect response. At first glance it looks obviously correct but if carefully analyzed it falls short on an exception or an exception to the exception. Horrible test practice but definitely separates the truly knowledgeable from the mediocre candidates.

We need to add some of those!

 

[cosmicfolklore]

The BAR exam always contains at least a few examples of “attractive distractors” in which there are two easily discernible wrong answers (assuming you know the subject), one “best” answer, and the infamous attractive but incorrect response. At first glance it looks obviously correct but if carefully analyzed it falls short on an exception or an exception to the exception. Horrible test practice but definitely separates the truly knowledgeable from the mediocre candidates.

We need to add some of those!

I kinda thought that I did that above, but yes... more... show me...

 

[AcesAndEights]

Best cellaring strategy?
A:Deep
B:Wide
C:Long

 

[verporchting]

I kinda thought that I did that above, but yes... more... show me...

That was somewhat tongue in cheek as this entire thread is going to go there with epic speed

Brilliant thread BTW!

 

[Streeper541]

A - Wrong (The Codger Scoop is always appropriate)
B - Wrong (All "real" pipe smokers understand that aromatics are never acceptable)
D - Wrong (The Rhodesian is part of the bulldog family)
B - Wrong (They are all real tobacco blends.

Sheesh... how did you get past security?

I mean, help me come up with more questions.

How about;

1. T/F: I bought my first pipe from a reputable dealer.
2. T/F: I bought my first pipe off Amazon.
3. T/F: When I smoke a pipe, my mouth burns and I drool a lot.
4. T/F: My favorite tobacco is cherry.
5. T/F: Muttonchop Piper is my favorite pipe smoker of all time.
6. T/F: I first learned about pipes on YouTube.
7. T/F: I use the word "bespoke" regularly.
8. T/F: I only smoke outside, when my wife/girlfriend lets me.
9. T/F: The best online tobacco realtor is Pipes & Cigars.com
10. T/F: When I smoke my pipe like I would drink a fine wine, holding the stem with my index finger and hang my pinky out.

That should weed a few of 'em out. LOL.

 

[anotherbob]

the only bar exam I'll take for pipe smoking is asking my bar tender if he/she (added that cause I prefer lady bartenders, there is a thrill in getting served before the hot girls and seeing their confusion, also if your mild flirt game is on ) minds if I smoke my pipe.

The BAR exam always contains at least a few examples of “attractive distractors” in which there are two easily discernible wrong answers (assuming you know the subject), one “best” answer, and the infamous attractive but incorrect response. At first glance it looks obviously correct but if carefully analyzed it falls short on an exception or an exception to the exception. Horrible test practice but definitely separates the truly knowledgeable from the mediocre candidates.

We need to add some of those!

I had a teacher that loved those kind of questions. Also loved using words in such a way that you had to stop and say what does this word specifically mean, not what does it feel like it means. Loved her tests as they didn't put me to sleep.

 

[cosmicfolklore]

Does this sign refer to pipes in any way? Explain.

 

[TheWhale13]

The one answer to any question regarding pipe smoking:

YMMV.

 

[cosmicfolklore]

The one answer to any question regarding pipe smoking:

YMMV.

That sounds a little more like "inclusivity" than "exclusivity"... are you, or have you ever been a member of the communist party?

 

[anotherbob]

Does this sign refer to pipes in any way? Explain.
View attachment 193825

clearly it does. Obviously it means don't dump t he dottle here!

 

[cosmicfolklore]

In which part of the pipe do you point the lighter down into to light it?

This is really a trick question. A real pipesmoker would know that you never point the flame down into anything.

 

[alaskanpiper]

Multiple Choice: How many different answers will one typically receive to any question regarding pipe smoking on an internet forum?

A. 13
B. More