It’s not supposed to work out like this. There is zero chance that I would have 8 1/2 years of clean time if it weren’t for my sponsor. 4 months ago I had a guy that was fresh in his recovery reach out to me to be his sponsor. I had only been accountability partners and mentors so I told him I needed a day to think about it. The following day I told him that I truly believe the is the next right thing in my recovery that I’m being asked to do. Our 4 month journey started. He made such great progress. We celebrated his benchmarks, talked through his struggles, sat in silence when silence was right, and mostly, just felt the freedom and trust to share our darkest secrets. He was always willing to do the work required even when it took him stepping way out of his comfort zone. We communicated every day for the last 120 days. One thing that I kept reminding him of was to call me if he was thinking about picking up again. I told him to call me even if he was on his way to his dealer, and that I obviously couldn’t physically stop him, so at minimum just let me know what’s going on. I told him that in reality, most people never make it to the other side of this, BUT, I have this quiet confidence that HE WOULD BE THE EXCEPTION!! I truly believed it with all my heart, and told him that often.
Well, yesterday was the first day in 4 months that I didn’t receive a check-in. My sponsee had relapsed the night before. The stuff that he got ahold of was laced and his heart stopped beating. I cannot describe the hurt that I am feeling and the thoughts of, “Maybe if I...”. I have reached out to a few friends in recovery, but outside of that, most people I know just don’t know much about addiction and sponsorship. This was my first and only sponsee that I have had, and this is beyond the worst outcome that I could have ever imagined. I thought I would post this here for two reasons. 1. So I could share with someone how I’m feeling, and 2. With the thought that maybe there is someone in the pipe family that has had a similar experience. Thanks for listening guys.
-david (transpose)
Well, yesterday was the first day in 4 months that I didn’t receive a check-in. My sponsee had relapsed the night before. The stuff that he got ahold of was laced and his heart stopped beating. I cannot describe the hurt that I am feeling and the thoughts of, “Maybe if I...”. I have reached out to a few friends in recovery, but outside of that, most people I know just don’t know much about addiction and sponsorship. This was my first and only sponsee that I have had, and this is beyond the worst outcome that I could have ever imagined. I thought I would post this here for two reasons. 1. So I could share with someone how I’m feeling, and 2. With the thought that maybe there is someone in the pipe family that has had a similar experience. Thanks for listening guys.
-david (transpose)