Yet More Blends I’d Like To See

[jguss]

You’ll want to sanitize your pipe after that one.

The same is true for Nancy Walker's Mucus Plug, available for sale only to crepuscular males over 75 who sneak furtively into the tobacconist and make their request in a hoarse whisper.

 

[HawkeyeLinus]

Old Yellar - hints of old spice, piss and vinegar ... the room note says 'Get Off my lawn'

Tastes like dead dog and makes you cry!

 

[Hillcrest]

Meloncauli - The name says it all ! An everyday smoke because, what the hell, no one's ever seen you smile anyway you doom pixie !

 

[Zamora]

Popeye's Reserve Flake - Literally just PS LNF but in a tin with Popeye slapped on it to cash in on his recent entry into public domain

 

[huntertrw]

Old Joe's Pants - If you're a codger and you like Gordon Pym and/or Five Brothers, this may be the blend for you. It's aroma is described as a cross between a nursing home and sewage-treatment plant, and it's smoke is said to be "chewy."

 

[huntertrw]

Haulaway - Not to be confused with the late, lamented "Holiday." Haulaway's room note is a melange of ripe garbage-truck and Diesel smoke, and it is known to be the preferred smoke of Sanitation Engineers everywhere.

 

[TheIronMonkey]

 

[Richmond B. Funkenhouser]

Canadian Mixture - a 50/50 of Autumn Evening and actual parsley.

 

[Skyfall]

Attic Surprise- Choice grade Virigina blend with a slight touch of Perique. This blend has carefully aged in the heat of an attic for the year-round experience. The tin notes are that of insulation and dust. The tobacco comes in the form of a fine dust powder due to lack of moisture by the blenders design. This powder process also allows the asbestos to blend in nicely to pass the FDA regulations. Smoking Kills, Quit Now will promptly be stamped onto the tin as to advise you not to buy the tin of tobacco you are pondering about if you should buy or not.

 

[Zamora]

Joe Camel - Literally the same tobacco found in Camel cigarettes with tin art reminiscent of Frog Morton
Joe Camel On The Town - Menthol excuse me peppermint aromatic version
Joe Camel Mardis Gras - Joe Camel with mixed with American Spirit Black RYO (it has perique)
Joe Camel's Cellar - Bourbon barrel aged
Joe Camel Geopolitical Quagmire - Contains now extinct Syrian varietals

 

[waterbelly]

Brick- its a red brick

Bits o' Briar- Why ruin perfectly good tobacco by burning it, weve taken whats left on a pipe makers lathe, aged it for a couple days and chucked it in a ziplock for your smoking pleasure! Formerly called Burnout- why let new smokers have all the fun? Taste a burnout without ruining your favorite pipe!

 

[troutface]

Regret Mixture Medium- When you miss her, but you're not sure you want her back.

 

[Skyfall]

Delusions of Mediocracy- A blend of only the finest tobacco stems, packaged in a vacuumed sealed mylar bag. The manufacture recommends letting this blend age for at least 60 years before smoking it, due to its nature of being so nauseating. After 60 years of aging when it's in its prime and ready to smoke, it will be your grandchildren's problem of how bad it actually is.

 

[huntertrw]

Hundefurz Mixture: Named in remembrance of the Blender's elderly flatulent Boxer dog, this is a select blend of ripe (really ripe) tobaccos, and is perfect for that pipe on the pot as you do your daily doody.

 

[FalconForever]

Continuing my series on potential blockbuster blends:

Hamburger Burpmeister the first pipe tobacco that repeats itself like a McDonald’s dollar meal. So economical!

Ivory Flake It’s a pipe tobacco! No, it’s a laundry detergent! Wait! It’s both a pipe tobacco and a laundry detergent!

Dr. Phlegm the first expectorant pipe tobacco!

Sunday Morning Burley, Virginia, Perique, Bacon, Eggs, Homefries, Ketchup.

Cat’s Meow Bright Virginia and something the cat dragged in.

Burning Love The first Ghost Pepper infused pipe tobacco. Gets you coming and going.

DOGE Is this blend even legal? Nobody knows, because it’s already been eliminated.

Gaza Killer blend. Early reviews found it dusty and foul, lately it’s been reported to be a bit flat.

Good Boy Twist Rope blend with hints of squirrel, Alpo, and mystery chunks. Holiday limited release version has tinsel and bits of plastic toys.

Of all those Dr Phlegm is the winner. 100% perique infused with Obas Oil should do the trick....

 

[RL Bucktails]

Of all those Dr Phlegm is the winner. 100% perique infused with Obas Oil should do the trick....

I sometimes feel like I’m smoking that during allergy season.

 

[Brendan]

And it's bulk equivalent by Lane, 5-TC.

Translator's Note: in Japanese, 5 is "Go".

Oh man! I just got that

Took me a while

 

[huntertrw]

The Vapors: The mother of all nicotine bombs, The Vapors delivers the dizziness, nausea, cold-sweats, fainting, and mood swings that were symptomatic of that same-named malady that affected your old grandma, but with a he-man aroma! The lingering room note has been known to cause distress for up to 30-days. Children, pets, and aged women should not be exposed to The Vapors. Use caution when driving or operating heavy machinery after smoking this blend.

 

[SSGT.]

Southern Breakfast: Biscuits and gravy flavored Virginia and dark fired Kentucky with a peppery Louisiana perique.

 

[Zamora]

Bengal Slices (STG reissue): Listening to popular demand, STG has reintroduced Bengal Slices back on the market. Under their production the VAs have remained but the orientals and cavendish have been omitted, the Latakia has been replaced with perique. Many smokers say it's a solid VaPer but don't let the identical tin fool you into thinking it's the English classic.