Yet More Blends I’d Like To See

[woodsroad]

Continuing my series on potential blockbuster blends:

Hamburger Burpmeister the first pipe tobacco that repeats itself like a McDonald’s dollar meal. So economical!

Ivory Flake It’s a pipe tobacco! No, it’s a laundry detergent! Wait! It’s both a pipe tobacco and a laundry detergent!

Dr. Phlegm the first expectorant pipe tobacco!

Sunday Morning Burley, Virginia, Perique, Bacon, Eggs, Homefries, Ketchup.

Cat’s Meow Bright Virginia and something the cat dragged in.

Burning Love The first Ghost Pepper infused pipe tobacco. Gets you coming and going.

DOGE Is this blend even legal? Nobody knows, because it’s already been eliminated.

Gaza Killer blend. Early reviews found it dusty and foul, lately it’s been reported to be a bit flat.

Good Boy Twist Rope blend with hints of squirrel, Alpo, and mystery chunks. Holiday limited release version has tinsel and bits of plastic toys.

 

[rakovsky]

Bacon Old Fashioned was very creative in having what looked like a bacon stick. The blend came in a jar resembling the drink.

 

[woodsroad]

Poverty Blend All those 90% off RYO’s that you bought for no good reason, mixed together and topped with the same cheap rum that you’ve been drinking all afternoon.

 

[Skyfall]

Poverty Blend All those 90% off RYO’s that you bought for no good reason, mixed together and topped with the same cheap rum that you’ve been drinking all afternoon.

Hmmm. That’s a great idea. Going to buy some rum.

 

[cosmicfolklore]

Poverty Blend All those 90% off RYO’s that you bought for no good reason, mixed together and topped with the same cheap rum that you’ve been drinking all afternoon.

I detect the hint of MD 50/50 as a casing for that blend.

 

[brian64]

DOGE Is this blend even legal? Nobody knows, because it’s already been eliminated.

And don't forget the DOGE companion blend:

USAID - Made to order...name your components...go ahead, just make it up! Or let us make it up for you (and it always tastes better if someone else pays for it).

Order requirements: Form of payment for this service restricted to GIFT CARDS ONLY. Kickback fee Surcharge added based on quantity sold.

 

[Waning Embers]

Bacon Old Fashioned was very creative in having what looked like a bacon stick. The blend came in a jar resembling the drink.

Even with ten years of age that stuff is so bad.

 

[Skyfall]

And don't forget the DOGE companion blend:

USAID - Made to order...name your components...go ahead, just make it up! Or let us make it up for you (and it always tastes better if someone else pays for it).

Order requirements: Form of payment for this service restricted to GIFT CARDS ONLY. Kickback fee Surcharge added based on quantity sold.

You get a +20 points for being able to quote from “The Big Lebowski”

 

[rakovsky]

Poverty Blend All those 90% off RYO’s that you bought for no good reason, mixed together and topped with the same cheap rum that you’ve been drinking all afternoon.

I have 10 oz of Supervalu Ultralight from 20 years ago. Would it help to case it in rum somehow?

 

[woodsroad]

I have 10 oz of Supervalu Ultralight from 20 years ago. Would it help to case it in rum somehow?

Yes, because it will burn even faster. Maybe even before you can get to it.

 

[renfield]

Sweepin’s & Leavin’s - Collected daily from the floors, ductwork, nooks and crannies of your favorite blending house, pressed into a block and then sliced into flakes. May contain twist ties, animal parts and loose change.

 

[brooklynpiper]

Uber Roll Cut
Economy Navy Flake
Dunhill Peasant Pontoon

 

[Brendan]

Captain's Black Gape?

 

[Pooh-Bah]

Captain's Black Gape?

And it's bulk equivalent by Lane, 5-TC.

Translator's Note: in Japanese, 5 is "Go".

 

[Hillcrest]

Old Yellar - hints of old spice, piss and vinegar ... the room note says 'Get Off my lawn'

 

[Skyfall]

Pampers Pull-ups Supreme- Hints of chocolate, golden gram cracker and a good portion of tangy fruity applesauce.

 

[mortonbriar]

First world problems - This is an irreplaceably unique and superb virginia blend that stops production just after you finish your only tin.

 

[Hillcrest]

Miss Kitty - This old time favorite codger blend is best slow savored at night after a couple bottles of wine. Not for the impulsive or faint of heart. Notes of Vanilla, flowers and ocean breeze at low-tide it can't be over hydrated. Can run hot or cold depending on cadence. Low nic hit may require a cigarette afterwards.

 

[woodsroad]

Miss Kitty - This old time favorite codger blend is best slow savored at night after a couple bottles of wine. Not for the impulsive or faint of heart. Notes of Vanilla, flowers and ocean breeze at low-tide it can't be over hydrated. Can run hot or cold depending on cadence. Low nic hit may require a cigarette afterwards.

You’ll want to sanitize your pipe after that one.

 

[Skyfall]

Limited release #42- guaranteed to be better than batch #41, but will only be sold after limited release #82 sells out. This blend promises illusions of grandeur that will take your smoking pleasure to heights so high you will be able to understand complex hydrocarbon equations. This very limited batch was sold out before it was released exclusively to Albert Einstein. For those of you that enjoyed this release that you could not obtain, another batch is promised again sometime within the next 50 years.