What White Lies Were You Told as a Child or Have You Told Your Children?

[mawnansmiff]

I remember aged about 5 or 6 whilst on summer holiday at Grandma’s place on the south coast looking up at the sky and seeing all the fluffy clouds, I asked my father what they were made of.

“Cotton wool” was his reply, and as if to anticipate my next question said “you know the cotton wool your Mother uses with your baby sister, that is what gets stuck to aeroplane propellers when flying through the clouds. When they land, they pull it off and bag it up then send it off to Boots”.

For years I believed that .

My favourite response to that awkward question “where do babies come from” is “that is one of life’s great unsolved mysteries, nobody quite knows where they come from….ooh look….there’s a mouse running behind that cupboard over there…”

In an instant the awkward question is avoided whilst little Missy goes hunting for the non existent mouse .

So guys, what whoppers were you told as a child and which porkies have you inflicted upon your own?

Regards,

Jay.

 

[HawkeyeLinus]

First person that says Santa isn’t real ………..

 

[greysmoke]

As a very young child, we would make frequent visits to the Great Smoky Mountains. Gatlinburg in those days was a charming, small town -- nothing like the tourist trap it's become today. One of the attractions in town was a glassblower: a white-haired old man who would create unthinkably complex (to my young mind) glass contraptions before my eyes. To get a closer look, I jostled the countertop the old man was working from. "Step back, kid," he growled. "Bump that counter again and this glass will turn into white mice." Of course, I believed it. I stopped jostling the counter.

 

[telescopes]

Pipe smoking is safe for your health.

 

[Streeper541]

The smoke that comes out of factories.... those are cloud factories. I was told that and told it to my youngins too.

 

[mawnansmiff]

Driving into Cornwall from Devon you see masses of huge wind turbines. They're huge fans for making the wind blow, without them we'd have no wind!

Regards,

Jay.

 

[Flatfish]

My dad used to say that when the ice cream van plays music, it means it has run out of ice cream.

 

[jpmcwjr]

"Oh, the Tooth Fairy left you some money under your pillow"

 

[Kobold]

“If you keep playing with it, it’ll fall off”

 

[condorlover1]

I remember telling a young relative that if he picked his nose his head would cave in! I also remember being asked why girls didn't have a dick by a nephew. I told him that when babies are born the doctors slap them on the arse to knock the dicks off the stupid ones!

 

[simong]

Tommy Tanking will turn you blind!
Not a complete lie, I suppose. Too much & you’ll end up either short or long sighted. Depending on the size of the old chap of course.

 

[mawnansmiff]

Tommy Tanking will turn you blind!
Not a complete lie, I suppose. Too much & you’ll end up either short or long sighted. Depending on the size of the old chap of course.

You haven't seen my glasses have you Simon? I've searched everywhere.

Regards,

Jay.

 

[chilllucky]

"everything is going to be ok"

 

[jpmcwjr]

Carefully search the hair on your palm; glasses could have slipped into the mass.

 

[CoffeeAndBourbon]

Our son was acting up and it was in the fall (close to Christmas season). So.... I renamed our neighbor in my cell phone to Santa Clause. The next time he was acting up, I pulled out my phone and told him I would call Santa if he did not knock it off.
He then said "You don't have Santa's phone number" to which I pulled out my phone and called him. When the name Santa Clause popped up, but went ghost white. Never had many problems after that - til he got older

 

[kcghost]

I remember hearing the great line of Theodore Sturgeon that "90% of everything thing is crap" and thinking what dumbass he is. Little did I know.

 

[mawnansmiff]

Our son was acting up and it was in the fall (close to Christmas season). So.... I renamed our neighbor in my cell phone to Santa Clause. The next time he was acting up, I pulled out my phone and told him I would call Santa if he did not knock it off.
He then said "You don't have Santa's phone number" to which I pulled out my phone and called him. When the name Santa Clause popped up, but went ghost white. Never had many problems after that - til he got older

Whenever I played up, which was often, I'd get threatened with the 'Bad Boys Home' where you were fed on bread and jam with no butter and cold porridge.

Father would pick up the phone, make out he'd dialled a number, then say 'hello, is that the bad boys home?' there'd be a pause then 'yes, it's Julian again, he's just poked his sister in the eye'.

All the while I'd be wailing not to send me to the BBH and promising to be a good boy.

No bloody wonder I turned out like I did

Regards,

Jay.

 

[simong]

You haven't seen my glasses have you Simon? I've searched everywhere.

Regards,

Jay.

Sorry jay, If they’re not on your head I won’t be able to help much.

 

[mortonbriar]

The animals went in, two by two...but my parents still see that as a literal truth, so I am not really accusing them of lying to me.

 

[brian64]

Most of what I learned from adults as a kid turned out to not be true...but in most cases, not because they were lying, but because they actually believed what they were saying.