The Prospect Of Parenthood.

[joeval]

Wow... Some incredible support and advice. The kindness of strangers really is something.

This'll be the third or fourth time I've tried to write this now, fairly speechless.
Seriously, thanks guys.
As for my work - I tend to work two weeks on/two weeks off. As you can imagine, we talked for a long time about that. I love my job, and (luckily) we'd both rather I stayed doing what I love. It also gives my the plus side that I can spend two weeks at a time with no work, focussing on family - being there all the time, to give my girlfriend a well needed break, look after the kid, cook, clean, all the rest. Rather than me working a 9-5 and coming home tired every evening and then having a family to look after as well, squashing in time at the weekends.

Major downside, of course, I know I'll miss out on some big milestones...
As for the smoking, luckily, it's not a big part of my life. Certainly no nicotine addiction to contend with, so not being able to smoke isn't a major issue. I like a solitary pipe, anyway, so I don't tend to smoke when my other half is around. Tends to be reserved for quiet afternoons when everybody else is busy, or after shift at work.
Six and Jeep - many thanks for sharing photos of your families! I doff my (proverbial) cap to you both, they look great.
My mum, at the moment, is just worried that we're too young/not ready (and, truth be told, we haven't been together very long yet). Plus, probably not ready to be a grandmother, either! I'm sure hoping she comes around in time.
Once again - thanks.

 

[leacha]

I can tell you this. You are not too young. I had my first (and only) child almost 8 months ago at 44. Both my wife and I agree, if we could have done this again, we would have had him in our 20s (more energy).
The first 5 to 6 months will seem like hell. Everybody will tell you its worth it. But all you and your girl do is feed, burp, change diaper, feed, burp, change diaper, and so on. That goes on every two hours day and night. You'll wish those people will go to hell. Then one day it happens, the baby will look at you with recognition in their eyes and everything will seem worth it.
You may want to get the baby everything they need and then some, no matter the cost. Do not do it!! Only get what you need plus a little extra. They go through things so fast its sickening. When we brought our son home, half the outfits didn't fit. The diapers were too small. The carrier and car seat became junk at 4 1/2 months. He out grew it really fast. Luckily it was not an expensive set. Just give them your attention and everything will work out.
Oh, BTW. Always change your baby's diaper whether it needs to or not. You'll get the hang of when. Do not be cheap on that. A 10¢ to 15¢ diaper is cheaper than the crying and misery a diaper rash will be. He had one while he was in the hospital and has never had one since.
Also, if things a getting out of hand and you are getting mad. Just walk away and calm down. The baby does not understand what they are doing. Remember that.

 

[judcole]

One piece of advice for a new dad to be, from somebody who has 3 wonderful grown daughters. Be Patient!
And congrats.

 

[numbersix]

Best of luck with everything joeval. You may be young, but you don't sound naive, seems like you've got a good head on your shoulders. Congratulations!

 

[peter70]

Andrew, we had our daughter late, too, and you are right about the lack of energy, but I'm not sure, we would have been able to deal with the situation in the same way in our 20s. Having the experience and patience of the age, a stable relationship and the lack of financial problems helped us a lot to cope with anything, that would come up in the first years of parenthood. Of course, you cannot always choose and have to make the best of it. I wish the OP all the best.
Kind regards,

Peter

 

[pipeherman]

As someone who has no way any right or expertise to be posting on this thread, yet has read a great deal of novels, poetry and has returned from a minor drinking occasion; I can only state that you have made the right decision. When one man plants his seed, he has to deal with the results. No clinic, there is never a favourable situation in which one should empty the uterus of a woman. I recognise and agree with the concept of an unborn child, though i'd like to make it clear that I wouldn't like to put myself into that debate as its rather messy.
In terms of dealing with fear of being I don't know a bad father, from the historical figures who I look up to, and that of my own father it seems that men are often absent parents until the child reaches a stage in which its not an appalling conversationalist. Don't be worried about that, women are far stronger than we make them out to be.
I know at the moment this may seem hard. From my reading material I can only conclude that life is hard and that this hard event shall make you as a person far more interesting than you previously were. Which may seem strange and cruel et cetera but it to an extent is true. Boris Johnson for example (Mayor of London) would be a relatively boring person if it were not for his multiple scandals and corridor ques of bastards.
I fear that I have phrased this rather poorly, much more badly than I had hoped for. ::

 

[kashmir]

I had my two boys late in my life. In my 40s. Wife is 14 years younger than me. Best thing that ever happened to me. Embrace your children, because, if your honest with yourself, you'll realize there's nothing else more important. Period. Outside of family there is nothing else. Nothing.

 

[radio807]

Congratulations. Even though it's coming at a tough time and not under ideal circumstances, you're doing the right thing. I've raised four children and I can tell you this: parenting is never easy, but it's always worth it.

 

[jeff59]

You will get a lot of advice. Be wise and lean on someone who has been there and done that. Sounds like you are doing that already. I remember the best advice given to us was: For me, you're going to make mistakes as a Dad. It can't be helped, you're human. The most important thing is that you are always there for your kids. They will remember that you always had time for them.
For my wife- Her mother said "You have motherly instinct. Use it. Sometimes you know what is the best for your kid, no matter what the experts say"
Remember that you and your girlfriend are not the first couple in this world to get surprised by a pregnancy. I'm pretty sure it has happened before to others. You have a new responsibility waiting and you will love it. The most prestigious title ever to be given you will not be being called, Dr, Sir, King, Prince. The most prestigious title you will have will be when you are called "Dad"

 

[jservant98]

I had my two boys late in my life. In my 40s. Wife is 14 years younger than me. Best thing that ever happened to me. Embrace your children, because, if your honest with yourself, you'll realize there's nothing else more important. Period. Outside of family there is nothing else. Nothing.

Very good Kashmir and I will ad God to that as well. Having Children is a tremendous blessing and I am so glad you guys decided to keep the baby! This baby will change your life and just do your very best to be the best Dad you can be. It sounds like you work very hard so that is great...Just love that child the best you can. I wish the best and I know you will be blessed by your baby.

 

[pipeherman]

From my perspective its not so much about raising the child due to the following of faith et cetera. I would consider myself an athiest-agnostic meaning that I don't follow a faith at all based on from what I can see as a lack of logical or rational thought in the religious texts, but hold onto something as everything seems too beautiful and intelligent to completely renounce the existence of something greater than ourselves. It must be stated though that i'm happy and willing to listen and talk to people of all walks of life, believer or non believer. I hold the stance that I do which could be, dare I say, 'prolife' because I feel that as people and adults we need to face the consequences of our actions for better or for worse.
Recently an acquaintance of mine just gave birth to a son named Noah, she was in the same year as me. Only 18 years old, crazy to think whilst she is raising her son, i'm at university studying and well drinking. Though one has to think what would oneself do in the same situation, and the only reasonable and selfless thing to do is raise the child. Despite it having the head of a potato :nana: .

 

[pipeherman]

Thank you for clearing that up,
A point which I certainly find interesting is that life to an extent is rare. Many people will never die because they simply will never be born. The potential people who could have been born in our place outnumber the grains of sand in the Sahara desert. Those who were not born in our place could have potentially been better poets than Keats and greater scientists than Newton. We know this by the vast complexity and different possibilities of our DNA. This makes me think that ones most dreadful mistake can become a delightfully bright light for compassion and intellect in the world. The promise is unquestionable.

 

[rotschefeller]

I'm about your age, I had my first daughter less than a year ago. It's probably futile but try not to be nervous. I was scared because I had virtually no experience with kids. You will be taught some things, other things will just click - the very little that is left you learn pretty fast once the little one is there.
As for the parents, I personally didn't have that problem, I was married so all 4 grandparents were pretty happy. From what I hear from some of my friends, though, is that they drop the negativity pretty quickly once their grandchild is born.

 

[jservant98]

+1 Trailboss

I had my first child at 22, second to my faith in Christ is the tremendous blessing that they have been to me, I have made mistakes to be sure, but I purposed early on to be honest, faithful to their mother, and model upright character in dealing with my fellow man...I was always cognizant of the fact that they were watching me...Life is filled with examples of teachable moments as you purpose to teach them of the tragedy and triumphs around us.

Right on brother!