The Bad Dad Joke Thread

[lostandfound]

So a guy comes into a bar...
Oh no, wait... I screwed up.
So a guy comes into a horse...

 

[randelli]

I think maybe I should have emphasized "dad" more. These are the jokes you heard from your dad, usually corny, usually NOT dirty, and the jokes you share - or will share - with your own kids.
I once stayed up all night wondering where the sun had gone. Then it dawned on me.

 

[warren]

It was a Callaway number three so, I held up the tail and asked, "Does this look like yours?" And she hit me with a four iron.

 

[deathmetal]

The mystic went to the hot dog stand and said, "Make me one with everything."

This is one of my favorite jokes of all time. I bet Buddhist monks laugh themselves silly upon hearing it.

 

[tinsel]

Oh man I love "Dad jokes"!
A hamburger walks into a bar, the bartender says "Hey! We don't serve food in here!"
Why do chicken coops have 2 doors?

Because if they had 4, they'd be sedans.
What's the best time to go to the dentist?

Tooth-Hurty.
Why Don't kleptomaniacs laugh at puns?

Because they take things literally.
How do you make a kleenex dance?

Put a little boogie in it.
Did you hear about the man who was terrified of elevators?

He had to take steps to avoid them.

 

[philobeddoe]

I actually like the kleptomaniac joke.

 

[randelli]

Those are great tinsel. I especially liked the elevator joke as it works on many levels. It floored me!

 

[username]

How do you drown a hipster?

Throw him in the mainstream.

 

[mso489]

Okay, here's a bad-dad joke:

A man went to a fortune teller and sat down in front of the crystal ball. She peered deeply into the orb and said, "I see wonderful things for you, wealth, happiness in love, beautiful children, and a long life." And the man wheeled back and slapped her. She recovered and backed off and said, "Why ever would you do that?" And the man said, "My old mother told me to always strike a happy medium."
My dad also like to ask me if I thought I'd ever amount to anything. I don't think I answered, but I may have scowled, if kids can scowl. Also, he used to like to say of me and others, "He's a good kid when he's asleep." But mostly he was pretty affirming, was able to put all three kids through college, and I was sufficiently impressed to put myself through a grad program on GI Bill.

 

[mortonbriar]

For as long back as I can remember every time we went for a surf or a swim together my dad would say upon entering the water, 'oh, I hope it doesn't rain, we might get wet!' I am pretty certain he would say it even when he went for a surf by himself...The true test of the commitment to dad jokes, telling them to yourself if no one else is around to hear them.
Isaac
I have found myself using this line with my daughter too ha

 

[jvnshr]

For as long back as I can remember every time we went for a surf or a swim together my dad would say upon entering the water, 'oh, I hope it doesn't rain, we might get wet!'

hehe, that was a good one.

 

[buster]

Two peanuts are walking down the stree and one is a- salted!
What o you get when you breed an elephant and a rhino?

A. Eleph-I-know?

 

[kiel]

Two muffins are cooking in the oven. The first muffin says, "Man, its hot in here!" The second muffins replies, "Oh my God! A talking muffin!"

 

[kiel]

Why do the Irish only put 239 beans in their chili? Because one more and it'd be two forty.

 

[hextor]

I was laughing so hard at some at the jokes.

Q:what do you call a fake spaghetti

A: an impasta.

 

[jacks6]

How do you make holy water?

You boil the Hell out of it!
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

.... because he had no guts!
What's Forrest Gump's password?

1forrest1
::

 

[cobguy]

This is my niece's current favorite joke:
Knock, Knock.

Who's there?

Interrupting cow.

Interrupting cow wh ....

MOOOO!!!!!!

 

[echie]

cobguy: *literally* laughing out loud :rofl:

 

[dottiewarden]

My seven-year old girl comes home from school and tells me, "A boy in my class asked me to play doctor."

Nervously I asked "What did you do?"

"Nothing, I made him wait 45 minutes and then double-billed the insurance company."

 

[cobguy]

cobguy: *literally* laughing out loud :rofl:

:D