It's nothing you could control..I'm very sorry for your loss..Keep the good memories in your mind.
RIP My Beloved Sister
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Hi Harris,
Please accept my condolences on the death of your sister. She clearly was a remarkable person. I lost my sister-in-law to cancer at the beginning of the year and she was one of the most remarkable people I've ever known. Such loss leaves a vacuum and the only way I know to address it is to remember the times and events we shared. Those memories do not die.
You've taken a big step toward healing. Be patient with the process and be fair with yourself. Hindsight is 20/20, and there will always be life events that we do not get to control. Your sister was your dear friend. Would she wish anything for you but happiness?
Please accept my condolences on the death of your sister. She clearly was a remarkable person. I lost my sister-in-law to cancer at the beginning of the year and she was one of the most remarkable people I've ever known. Such loss leaves a vacuum and the only way I know to address it is to remember the times and events we shared. Those memories do not die.
You've taken a big step toward healing. Be patient with the process and be fair with yourself. Hindsight is 20/20, and there will always be life events that we do not get to control. Your sister was your dear friend. Would she wish anything for you but happiness?
It breaks my heart to see you so sad and feeling guilty. You are a top notch individual and it just doesn't seem right that you are going through this. Others have said my thoughts many times over, so I'll just say that I am thinking of you and wishing you strength and comfort as you continue forward.
My deepest sympathies Harris. I can't imagine what you've been going through... I've not yet lost anyone so dear to me.
That you thought of having your sister committed, but didn't, does strike a chord with me, though. My younger brother, who still lives with our parents, has been addicted to prescription narcotics for quite some time now. My parents have flip-flopped many times over using the Baker act to get him help, but time and time again, have allowed themselves to be convinced that my brother's addiction is either under control, or that he will get himself the help he needs. I, being slightly more outside of the situation, can see all of the deceptions he employs to keep living the life he's living. As I understand it, it takes two people to have a person committed, which seems to leave me with my hands tied, hoping that my folks will open their eyes before it's very much too late.
That you thought of having your sister committed, but didn't, does strike a chord with me, though. My younger brother, who still lives with our parents, has been addicted to prescription narcotics for quite some time now. My parents have flip-flopped many times over using the Baker act to get him help, but time and time again, have allowed themselves to be convinced that my brother's addiction is either under control, or that he will get himself the help he needs. I, being slightly more outside of the situation, can see all of the deceptions he employs to keep living the life he's living. As I understand it, it takes two people to have a person committed, which seems to leave me with my hands tied, hoping that my folks will open their eyes before it's very much too late.
Thanks so much guys, you don't know how much all of your posts mean to me. I have been stuffing these feelings for 7 months now and I so badly needed to deal with this, because it has been eating me up alive. I can never thank you enough for all your kinds words of advice.
I didn't join in Harris, because I think I know somewhat what you're going thru, my Mother died of lung cancer she was a heavy smoker. My Father always a strong man broke down completely, as I was an only child it was up to me to make the decision to pull the plug on her machine. Her Dr was her Godchild, he even though I was not her husband unofficially gave me permission to remove her from life support. I had all her brothers, my children, wife Father in the room, I nodded to the nurse while holding her in my arms, the color started draining from her feet and finally her face was white. Every time I hear her favorite song, Fats Domino Ain't That a Shame it brings me back, you never forget, but time dulls it. You will come back too Harris.
Harris - I'm deeply sorrowful for your loss.
It's hard for me to put anything into words because I have a hard time dealing with such stuff, but I'll tell you this, the heartbeat of your sister is still thumping inside your heart and her soul rising don't mean her spirit ain't gone, I felt her spirit from reading what you wrote with the description and memories and the tremendous love will live on always carried within you like a high-flying bird singing bright songs of endless smiles, her intense light is still shining like a million lightbulbs in your head radiating heat so warm it's like a thousand suns.
The guilt must go for true love conquers all.
Carry that love all the way to the gates and let yourself be at peace.
It's hard for me to put anything into words because I have a hard time dealing with such stuff, but I'll tell you this, the heartbeat of your sister is still thumping inside your heart and her soul rising don't mean her spirit ain't gone, I felt her spirit from reading what you wrote with the description and memories and the tremendous love will live on always carried within you like a high-flying bird singing bright songs of endless smiles, her intense light is still shining like a million lightbulbs in your head radiating heat so warm it's like a thousand suns.
The guilt must go for true love conquers all.
Carry that love all the way to the gates and let yourself be at peace.
My thoughts and prayers, Harris. It's never easy to lose someone you love. Take care of yourself.
I'm very sorry for your loss Harris. Every life has an impact on this world, and hers was on yours. Be kind to yourself my friend.
S
seadogontheland
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Dear Harris,
I too have a sibling with Bipolar disorder, but he refuses to take medication and has manifested symptoms of psychosis for years now. I work with chronically mentally ill adults and know first hand the pain family members experience with their loved ones who suffer long in this world. I'm so glad you are talking about this now and the days of men holding it in and being the "strong ones" are over...emotional expression is where true strength lies...thank you so much for your note. I'm so sorry for your loss, my friend, I'll pray for your heart and those in your family as well. You are not alone and please consider me someone you can PM if you like so to help you cope...I'm here for you. Until then, free your heart from guilt and know that your love for her will never die as long as she is remembered. Be well, take care of those in your family and move forward knowing she would want you to be at peace.
I too have a sibling with Bipolar disorder, but he refuses to take medication and has manifested symptoms of psychosis for years now. I work with chronically mentally ill adults and know first hand the pain family members experience with their loved ones who suffer long in this world. I'm so glad you are talking about this now and the days of men holding it in and being the "strong ones" are over...emotional expression is where true strength lies...thank you so much for your note. I'm so sorry for your loss, my friend, I'll pray for your heart and those in your family as well. You are not alone and please consider me someone you can PM if you like so to help you cope...I'm here for you. Until then, free your heart from guilt and know that your love for her will never die as long as she is remembered. Be well, take care of those in your family and move forward knowing she would want you to be at peace.
I took some time to respond to this thread, hoping for some bit of wisdom and a comforting word to come to mind.
Nothing works, the pain and sense of loss is too great to just gloss over in a humble post.
I guess we all have to cope in a personal way, and adjust to a future that no longer includes our loved one.
Your sister's torment is over, and she is at rest. Focus on your beautiful children.
Nothing works, the pain and sense of loss is too great to just gloss over in a humble post.
I guess we all have to cope in a personal way, and adjust to a future that no longer includes our loved one.
Your sister's torment is over, and she is at rest. Focus on your beautiful children.
Thank you so much guys. Reading your posts and words of encouragement really do help. I have been keeping this in for so long and I know it is not healthy.
seadogontheland, I really appreciate the wisdom in your post and your offer to pm you. It does mean a great deal to me.
seadogontheland, I really appreciate the wisdom in your post and your offer to pm you. It does mean a great deal to me.
Harris,
My condolences also on the loss of your sister. May the sadness you still feel soon be replaced with fond memories of the good times & good years spent together. I came close to losing my sister to breast cancer at a very young age. She is past the dreaded 5 year window now and doing well. During her battle thru surgery & chemo I became astutely aware of not only what she meant to me but to the rest of the family as well. It brought us closer. I no longer take for granted that she's just my sister.
May those fond memories come to you soon.
My condolences also on the loss of your sister. May the sadness you still feel soon be replaced with fond memories of the good times & good years spent together. I came close to losing my sister to breast cancer at a very young age. She is past the dreaded 5 year window now and doing well. During her battle thru surgery & chemo I became astutely aware of not only what she meant to me but to the rest of the family as well. It brought us closer. I no longer take for granted that she's just my sister.
May those fond memories come to you soon.
Hi cigrmaster,
I am very sorry for your loss. On the other hand, the situation sounded like destined, so please don't blame yourself.
Please try thinking this way: in case you sister still knows how you are doing in this world, would she be happier if she sees her brother can lead a happy life while remembering her, or otherwise? I hope time will help to heal while you stay positive.
S
seadogontheland
Guest
I'm glad I could be of at least some small assistance, Harris. My PM box is open for you anytime, brother.
My condolences,Harris. There's no wrong way to grieve;do what you must.
I think it's natural for those of us who have lost someone close - as I did last year - to berate ourselves for things we shouldn't have or should have done. That's part of th process,too, I think; just don't let it dominate you.
Hang in there.
I think it's natural for those of us who have lost someone close - as I did last year - to berate ourselves for things we shouldn't have or should have done. That's part of th process,too, I think; just don't let it dominate you.
Hang in there.
May God be with you and your sister.
I postponed by response because your loss reminds me of mine. I lost a brother to suicide when he was in his twenties. I lost another in his early thirties to a heart attack. The pain never goes away entirely. It remains near. But in time, you learn to live with it.
Speaking of time, there is wisdom in the admonition to "take it one day at a time".
I postponed by response because your loss reminds me of mine. I lost a brother to suicide when he was in his twenties. I lost another in his early thirties to a heart attack. The pain never goes away entirely. It remains near. But in time, you learn to live with it.
Speaking of time, there is wisdom in the admonition to "take it one day at a time".
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