Piping Hot Limericks

[pruss]

I once knew an young hippy puffer

who turned into a charming old duffer.

He traded his green

for a long stemmed MacQueen

and is now a tobaccy huffer.
-- Pat
EDIT: I should add that he had to wait a time for his pipe. :D

 

[tennsmoker]

William and Kate have produced a royal baby

Just any ordinary name would be beastly

So now fate must affix a name to wear the crown

Or let pipe and baccy fix the royal squirt

Making Baby Cambridge a fresh Prince Albert

 

[boudreaux]

Keep 'em coming folks! Good to see more participation! :clap:

 

[boudreaux]

A young Scottish pipesman named Hall

Spent his days cleaning horse stalls;

As he tamped his meer pipe

He stepped in hay ripe

And gagged on his Carter Hall.

 

[boudreaux]

A grumpy old codger named Norton

Smoked pipes while guzzling Tim Horton's;

He gurgled and griped

As he fervently piped,

And spat out his beloved Frog Morton.

 

[boudreaux]

As I puffed outside grilling pork chops

I decided I might call the cops.

"Why?" you might say,

"Are you acting that way?"

"'Cause my new aro tastes like sweat socks."

 

[boudreaux]

An artistic old guy named Rand

Was sick of the sun and the sand,

So he sold all his pipes

And jumped on his trike

And purchased Big Pink from The Band.

 

[foggymountain]

OK, here's one I just wrote. Shakespeare it aint, though naughty and quaint.
A girl with lots of curls

In a hidden place

Was inclined to unfurl

Them in a guy's face.
She was a naughty lass

Without a single trace

Of pimples on her ass

Such was truly the case.

 

[tennsmoker]

OK. Now that William and Kate have named the Royal baby something other than Prince Albert, I promise this is my last attempt. I promise.
There once was a lovely fellow named Tad

He suffered from a debilitating malady named PAD

Each time Tad had an attack of PAD

His wife Chad went rather mad
After years of living with Tad and PAD

Chad decided to leave Tad with his PAD

Tad said he was sad and felt very bad

But egad Tad was glad to have his PAD

 

[boudreaux]

A feminist piper named Anne

Was actively fighting "the ban."

She strutted with signs

And paid many fines,

And puffed in front of a fan. (At town council meetings :P)

 

[captainsousie]

OK I have to do it. This limerick isn't pipe related but it could relate to this thread.
There once was a man from the sticks

Who tried to write limericks

But he failed at the sport

'Cause he wrote them too short
(EDIT: I'm not trying to be mean, just a bit PITA)

 

[pruss]

Nicely played Captain... Evil. But nicely played.
A fly took light on a frog,

who'd thankfully drunk too much grog.

Instead he went courtin'

our dear Mr. Morton,

then lit up a bowl on a log.
-- Pat

 

[boudreaux]

A programmer who knew how to parse

Found work although it was sparse;

In his glee he did puff,

Took in a huge huff

And cut cheese right out of his arse.

 

[boudreaux]

Froggy was fond of bluegrass

Went lunting, looking for lass;

He found one he thought,

But her accountant she brought

And all Froggies retreated en masse.

 

[foggymountain]

There was a girl with a stick in her butt.

She was a well known slut.

She moved it around

Until it made a sound.

That girl was such a nut.

 

[captainsousie]

Stonehaven can't ever be had

But to some it's only "not bad"

Hundred bucks for a bag

Makes some of us gag

The business plan's really quite bad

 

[captainsousie]

His pipe smelled like burning old sweat socks

So his wife started changing the house locks

When he tried to get in

She poured some more gin

She hates Latakia more than pipe talks
(wifey helped with that one)

 

[captainsousie]

There was an old piper named foggy

He posted in a thread by a doggy

His poems caused laughter

And forever after

His Dunhill was really quite soggy

 

[captainsousie]

The subject mixture seventy-nine

That a few pipers thought was sublime

Went up against 'Riff

But was beat out by Skiff

And was sold in the bag by the "dime"

 

[captainsousie]

A grumpy old bugger "the anti"

Was was dumber than a herd of hippopotami

He ranted and railed

And his logic soon failed

But too late logic beat the old anti