Piping Hot Limericks

[boudreaux]

And btw, feel free to jump in here as pruss did.
All humor enthusiasts are welcome. Only thing I ask is that it be pipe smoking related to keep in synch with the premise of this forum. ::

 

[captainsousie]

Here's a crappy attempt.
A puffer who loved his pipe,

Online he did like to gripe,

He shouted an railed,

"Sinister Six" he hailed,

And that was the end of his gripe.

 

[captainsousie]

A veteran piper named Harris

Would yell and occasionally scare us,

At a dolt who would pout

And he would call him out

Then he'd smoke his Rad out on the terrace

 

[boudreaux]

Great! Great! The more the merrier!
A feisty pipe smoker named Pugh

Was banished by wife to the loo.

When he came out for air,

Wife gave him a glare

And he pitched her back into "the stew."

 

[boudreaux]

A little historical fiction: :P
A comely young lassie Van Orden

Liked to smoke a churchwarden.

Then she bought her an axe,

Made one or two hacks,

And renamed herself Lizzie Borden.

 

[captainsousie]

There once was a puffer named Peck

Who could be quite a pain in the neck

His jokes did abound,

With no Cajun reach-around

So we all know he's going to heck.

 

[boudreaux]

A new pipe smoker named Dick

Could not get his Bic lighter to flick.

His wife showed him how,

As he knitted his brow

And winked as her gum made a click.

 

[captainsousie]

There was a young piper named Stig

Who could be an unbearable pig

He would wallow and grunt

The whole time of his lunt

And would squeal if his pipe was too big.

 

[anthonyrosenthal74]

They're only getting better lol. I love how you're incorporating some of the recent topics here at the forums.

 

[captainsousie]

This is Stig's wifey. I couldn't resist. I promise I don't mind Cap's pipes.
The piper's wifey was sick of his briar

He said no more! She said you're a liar

Tobacco and pipe trading

Ebay you'll be raiding

I will build me a big briar pyre.
(EDIT: She does too mind it...sometimes.)

 

[boudreaux]

My neighbor next door named Karnay

Liked to lunt and to puff every day.

One day when he puffed

His hair went aloft,

And he needed a new toupée.

 

[boudreaux]

It's great that the women are getting involved.

More, more! :lol:

 

[boudreaux]

Please clear your throat before reading this one.
A lunt stroller with wife named Ben

Hawked up a big gobbit of phlegm

She said, "You're disgusting,"

He said, "You are rusting,"

And they headed to court once again.

 

[boudreaux]

Rainy day, dream away...
Another pipe smoker MacFlecknoe

Had a voice that sounded quite alto.

When he sipped his bent apple

It tasted like Snapple

And he squeaked, "That was quite yucko!"

 

[captainsousie]

The man that we call The Old Cajun

Is rarely, but effectively ragin'

He's a generous sort,

And quite a good sport

And gets funnier as he is aging

 

[captainsousie]

There is an old man named Boudreaux

And limericks from him did flow

He said "more, more"

And proceeded to score

And to the baccy store he did go.

 

[boudreaux]

A known old Christmas hot stover

Went by the name of Jack Plover

When he went to the store

To play Santa once more

The first kid said, "You need makeover!"

 

[boudreaux]

Carry on limericking, folks. My last for the day. Movie time.

Speaking of movies...
He said to her, "Let's watch a flick."

She said, "I get to pick."

He said, "I want war,"

She said "You'd get more,"

"If you'd trade in that Old Boy for a stick."

 

[boudreaux]

A jolly old piper named Thrall,

Headed for smoking in a stall.

When he pulled down the lever,

And then drowned forever,

He could smoke no more in the mall.

 

[boudreaux]

There once was a merry old geezer,

Who put his tobac in the freezer

He'd added perique

For some spice and mystique

But created a blend quite the sneezer.