Flatulence is under-represented as a pipe topic. Thank the Gods for this thread. I am a recovering fartoholic. Having been on a good diet of greens, fresh fruit and other healthy wonderful things, I could sneak out a whopper and no one would be the wiser. There were exceptions...chili dogs, many processed meats and canned foods among others could cause paint peeling if precautions weren't taken. This all changed with pipe smoking.
Our resident fartologist didn't mention nitrates, but I fear they may add to the DEFCON 1 status of some recent poppers. Dark fired would amply describe some of the horrid gasses escaping my temple-like corporeal self. I am no novice in this area either. I once had arsenic poisoning from handling geology samples far too long before identifying them. When I finally cracked the metallic samples open and smelled the garlic smell, I knew I was in trouble. I raced home to eat about six eggs and wait for the sulfer to bind with the arsenic.
Arsenosulfate farts are the most blindingly powerful stink in all the realms. I could not see for about a minute and had to fumble to open a window, lest I be re-poisoned. I'm sure its on the list of banned munitions from the Geneva Convention.
Some tobaccos just make for a stinkier existence. I love War Horse and Billy Budd, but they make for dangerous body chemistry. If I find the antidote I will post it. Until then, use caution fellow pipers. Buying more paint is always an option. Protect your loved ones.