Finally got on my computer! Here is an article I wrote for NASPC.
A Pipe for the Mind
by Adam Sheehan (monkeydude88@hotmail.com)
I am the 1% of a 1%, by definition. No study will ever be done on me. When I die, no one will remember this. Which is unfortunate, because the world is turning anti-tobacco. “It will kill you” they say! Well, the only reason I am still breathing, alive, and well, is because of my pipe smoking. That is a very bold statement. But yet, a very true statement.
I am the 1% of the tobacco loving group called pipe smokers. I am also a 1% of individuals suffering from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) in the United States. (This is the first time I have shared my OCD with anyone outside of my immediate family, publicly so to speak.) With OCD, especially severe OCD, comes a plethora of mental and emotional anguish. My particular illness focuses on intrusive, unwanted, and terrible thoughts. Not just passing ideas or images, but recurring thoughts that my brain can’t escape. With these thoughts come extreme anxiety and fear. So much so that just 2 years ago I was barely able to leave my own home (most days were straight to work and straight home).
This creature called OCD has been with me since I was about 9 or 10. As I get older the severity seems to increase. Social anxiety has crept in as well. If it wasn’t for my wife and dad, I’d probably be a hermit and stay in the house all day, every day. I much prefer written words over in person conversation. I fear phone calls and unknown situations. I hate traveling and going to new places as my irrational fears create unending anxiety until I am back home. The trek to the Chicago pipe show was daunting the first year, now I just get sick on the ride to and from for the most part. Anytime I get introduced to new people or situations my anxiety spikes and I just want to run away and hide in my own little corner. Not because I don’t enjoy making friends and experiencing things, but because my OCD puts a damper on them.
This coming from the president of a now defunct pipe club that had a good 3 year run. Social anxiety? Yeah, I know. It sounds like I’m full of it. My secret is, pipe smoking. Pipe smoking has given me many things. One of them is the feeling of family I have when I am amongst other pipe smokers. Sure, the social anxiety is still there, but at a lower level. I feel more comfortable around pipe smokers than I do any other group. It is not easy, but it is manageable and even enjoyable after getting to know the people and becoming relaxed while enjoying a pipeful.
There are some treatments available for people like me, who suffer from OCD. Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRIs) are medicines that have been shown to treat OCD symptoms, I’m currently taking the highest dose allowed. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) has been shown to be effective in reducing OCD symptoms. It involves exposure to the things creating the unwanted thoughts and anxiety (triggers) and adapting to the way you react and view those things. I’ve been in treatment for 2 years now, and have went from weekly treatment to what is now once every 6 months. It took me 9 years to find a correct diagnosis amongst the medical community and receive effective treatment.
Before this, I was getting by on instinct alone. There would be days my OCD got so bad that I would just sit on the couch and shake, so nauseous I didn’t eat anything, and all I wanted to do was sleep to escape my own mind. There were times when suicide seemed like a viable option, to escape the mental torment and prevent myself from ever acting on any of my unwanted intrusive thoughts. There was one thing that seemed to calm my brain, reduce my anxiety, and at least for an hour or so, let me relax. That was my pipe.
I know amongst our community we realize the relaxing, stress reducing, and productive thinking that pipe smoking allows. But I truly believe that if I didn’t pick up the pipe, trying to get through this would have been impossible for me. After hours and hours of mental anguish and high anxiety, a one hour break in the day, where my pipe could be enjoyed and my brain given a rest, was like taking a breath of air after being underwater for a few minutes.
Pipe smoking saved my life. I truly believe that. That may seem silly to read, but I am writing it with the most serious of meaning. I fear that there will be a day in my lifetime when someone will try and prevent me from pipe smoking. How dare them! For they do not know what they are doing. If that day comes, I do not know if I could ever find an activity to replace it. I do not know what my OCD holds in store for me without my pipe. I hope that day never comes! The unknown feeds fear, fear feeds anxiety, my pipe whisps it all away with each rolling puff of smoking reaching up towards the heavens.
I continue treatment. For how long, who knows, maybe the rest of my life. But medication and CBT aren’t my only treatment. I consider my pipe smoking just as effective. I am a successful grandson, son, father, and husband who deals with OCD every day. I may waiver at times, but I keep fighting. My experiences have taught me to never get complacent and to take everything one day at a time. I may not be able to smoke my pipes as often as I like. But just knowing I have a means of escape, has me looking forward to each time I do and makes getting through the day a bit easier.
I am proud to say I am alive, thriving, and am the 1% of a 1%, thanks to my pipe.