Pets: Yes, They Will Eat You!

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greeneyes

Lifer
Jun 5, 2018
2,273
12,633
I have many friends who are pet lovers and in particular several who are cat lovers. Cats are interesting animals in that they have had less proximity to humans over evolutionary time than dogs have, and thus retain many of their traits of independence---a fact which many cat "owners" will acknowledge: you don't choose the cat, the cat chooses you. Some cats even have multiple owners in multiple homes.

I've always mused, when considering people who keep "larger cats", that "if the cat is bigger than you, it will eat you" in observance of the many accidents that befall owners of cats of much larger size and on whose benevolence owners ultimately rely for their lives.

It turns out that even pets of a smaller size won't waste time eating their owners, given the chance (link).

Yes, your pet might eat your corpse. That’s a problem for investigators. New study aims to help police, forensic pathologists, and others determine whether cats and dogs have interfered with crime scenes.

"Australian police probably expected a gruesome scene when they checked on a 69-year-old man suspected to have been dead for days. But when they opened the door to his home, they didn’t expect the approximately 30 cats that came flooding out. Inside, they found the man’s body on the floor, with his face gnawed down to the skull and his heart and lungs gone. As if to dispel any doubt about what happened, one cat was still sitting inside the man’s emptied chest cavity."

"Previous studies have revealed some differences between canine and feline scavenging. Dogs tend to eat the face and throats of humans, then break the ribs and chew on bones. Cats, on the other hand, often strip skin from the nose, upper lip, and fingers (the same places, Rando notes, that they nip at when playing with a living owner). Scavenging is more common with dogs than cats, Byard adds, “but I don’t trust either of them.”

If you have a strong stomach for that sort of thing, the forensic article has photographs of the damage done when a houseful of hungry cats goes to work on their deceased owner. [LINK] (The article is paywalled, but I made it available here until February)

So love, and an emergency food supply, all in one ... "hooman" 😸
 

kcghost

Lifer
May 6, 2011
15,138
25,713
77
Olathe, Kansas
My cats are welcome to my body once I am dead. I don't see any reason for the gets to completely starve when their human checks out.
 

Servant King

Lifer
Nov 27, 2020
4,816
28,048
39
Frazier Park, CA
www.thechembow.com
Horses are herbivores, so I'm not too worried about this. I suppose if someone poured alfalfa pellets on my decomposing cadaver, there might be some incidental bites taken, but hardly enough to mutilate it beyond recognition. He's so well mannered, he'd probably just use his nose to knock the pellets off my malodorous corpse into an area that was far less olfactorily offensive.

But I'm not in a hurry to find out.
 
Horses are herbivores, so I'm not too worried about this. I suppose if someone poured alfalfa pellets on my decomposing cadaver, there might be some incidental bites taken, but hardly enough to mutilate it beyond recognition. He's so well mannered, he'd probably just use his nose to knock the pellets off my malodorous corpse into an area that was far less olfactorily offensive.

But I'm not in a hurry to find out.
You need a few pigs. Pigs will eat everything including your belt buckle. They are great at getting rid of bodies in a pinch.
 
In my neighborhood just last week, someone found a skull in their backyard. Police came out and found the rest of him, and apparently they belonged to an elderly guy who had gone missing about 8 years ago that lived in the house. Police posted online that they didn't think foul play was involved. They had conducted a search back then, and I suggested that it was a half-assed search, if the guy had just laid there and rotted for 8 years on top of the ground in his backyard.
Not that I care, but you'd think that they'd have done more. Must have just knocked on the door, and when no one answered, marked him as "missing." Luckily, he didn't seem to have anyone who gave a shit looking for him.
On top of that, if I buy a house, I'm going to check out the backyard, at least better than that. We are talking a suburban neighborhood. It's not like a heavily wooded rugged terrain or anything. Poor SOB.
 

huntertrw

Lifer
Jul 23, 2014
5,875
7,596
The Lower Forty of Hill Country
Most any animal will eat you after your dead... Some however, are more bold, and try it while you're alive. Those are the ones to worry about.
"Billy, did you remember to feed your fish today?"

"Uh.., no, Mom, I forgot, but I'll do it right after I go surfing, really, I promise I will!"

"Likely story, young man! I'll bet you haven't fed him in ages! See to it that it gets done TODAY."

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"Here, fishy, fishy, fishy..."

"Aieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

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lraisch

Part of the Furniture Now
Jul 4, 2011
734
1,529
Granite Falls, Washington state
Well.... I smoke a pipe and keep pigs... so... 🤣
My daughter keeps pigs and cats and a livestock guardian dog who treed a bear the other day (the pigs chased the bear too) and I guess I could even get nibbled to death by her ducks, or maybe the goats.

I don't smoke my pipe at her place and I guess I should be careful not to keel over unnoticed there as well!